dividing kids' photo albums could be our main issue?!?

[2bFREE2012]

Pointers, please?

In addition to e-copies of kids' photos, I have amassed a set of HARDCOPY photos thru the years and organized them nicely into albums for both kids, now 20 and 11, stored into a wooden chest. While no major issues in other aspects of our house content division, including/especially on money, this one labeled "kids' photo albums" has been contentious from day one. I have even offered to scan special photos for my stbx in addition to dvd movie projects i have made on each of the kids, give him open access to the albums at any time, but to no avail.

...and it's not like i saw him ever perusing :-) the photo albums, on his own accord, in the past...:-)

I just don't know how to 'split' the photo albums and/or resolve this situation without having to go to a mediator.

Anyone encountered a similar snag?

Tx,
2bfree2012

[Berner_Faith]

Would you accept what you are offering him? Would you accept scanned copies and copies of everything else?
You need to think about why he is saying no and whether you find it reasonable... if it is reasonable for you and you are willing to accept scans, then why allow this to end up in mediation and cost more money?

[cbarker78]

it's possible to completely re-create the albums page for page... takes some time, and these days, not that much money.....

[CCB]

To avoid this stalling your otherwise good results, why don't you tell him that he can have the hard copy after you have re-created one of your own?

[hadenough]

Most people would love to have that as a main issue. Re-creating, copying photos is so easy to do. Black's does a decent job, or you could go to a higher end photo lab that Photographer's use. Black's can make beautifully printed books of all your photos. I know it's not the "originals" and it sucks to take apart/remove photos from albums where they've been carefully tucked away. I have a few albums with empty spots now (b/c I gave ex some) and I guess to me it's not that big of a deal.

One of these days, I'll turn my attention to re-organizing the albums and perhaps put a few new ones together, of old photos

[Rioe]

I think providing him with physical scanned copies of the albums, and all the photos (not just special ones) saved on a CD would be sufficient. As you said, it was YOUR work that created the albums, he's shown no interest in them in the past, it's you doing the work to make the scans, and you are not withholding any content from him. And ultimately, the children will inherit the originals.

That is a reasonable offer, and if he takes it to mediation/court, it's likely to be upheld and costs fall to him.

[billm]

I think providing him with physical scanned copies of the albums, and all the photos (not just special ones) saved on a CD would be sufficient. As you said, it was YOUR work that created the albums, he's shown no interest in them in the past, it's you doing the work to make the scans, and you are not withholding any content from him. And ultimately, the children will inherit the originals.

That is a reasonable offer, and if he takes it to mediation/court, it's likely to be upheld and costs fall to him.

No, its not reasonable.

Not her place to judge why he wants them.

The fact that she made them is irrelevant - you share all things from marriage. I'm sure he did something exclusively (make all household income perhaps) that he shared equally. And they are pictures of his kids and life too. The pictures and the albums are owned equally.

Did he say what he wants?

I would say you each get half of the albums. If you can't pick which ones, then you pick first, then him, etc until done. If the other wants a copy they can borrow an album (perhaps using on of their originals for 'ransom' as a guarantee the original is returned) and make a copy how they see fit.

Divide by 2! It should be easy.

[2bFREE2012]

No, its not reasonable.

Not her place to judge why he wants them.

The fact that she made them is irrelevant - you share all things from marriage. I'm sure he did something exclusively (make all household income perhaps) that he shared equally. And they are pictures of his kids and life too. The pictures and the albums are owned equally.

Did he say what he wants?

I would say you each get half of the albums. If you can't pick which ones, then you pick first, then him, etc until done. If the other wants a copy they can borrow an album (perhaps using on of their originals for 'ransom' as a guarantee the original is returned) and make a copy how they see fit.

Divide by 2! It should be easy.

***************************

Sorry i am back for more.


The 'perhaps he did some things exclusively' is a misstatement...but i won't elaborate...


So, back to my issue....Just a few minutes ago, i offered to record each page via camcorder BY MYSELF (my hours...on top of the many hours i already put into making those beautiful photo albums along with bits and pieces of mementos for each of the two kids, for each grade in school). Just as an aside, I am not keeping the albums for myself but holding on to them to gift to the kids when they are much older or have a new home or family.


So tonight, on top of the 'camcorder idea', i also indicated that i am willing to assume just the "camcorder copy" and allow him to keep the chest of original albums until such time the kids are ready to receive them.


Oh, btw, it is not possible to divide the photos OR the photo albums into two. It wouldn't make sense: we can't for example, go grade one package for him, grade two package for me...etc.


The only thing i asked for, to compensate me for the time i will need to now do this was to ask him to pay for HALF of the cost of a used camcorder w/ 60 gb of memory (that is what i need to complete this work), which i think i can get for $150, divided by two is only $75. I said we dont really fight over money. And I know its not about the money but for some reason he can't seem to articulate his reasons for being so difficult over this no matter how much i prod for his reasons.


Oh, and instead of saying yes or no to my suggestion and offer, he asked me:
.............and do i also get to keep the camcorder....?
What?!? *!@#$%^.............
~end of convo for tonight....

Am i just missing something here?

Is it so unusual to have this as THE KEY separation issue? THE PHOTO ALBUMS?!?

How much more ''giving in'' should i put up with?

Thanks all for your input...and for listening to my 'venting'...

Cheers,
2bfree2012

[Rioe]

Oh, btw, it is not possible to divide the photos OR the photo albums into two. It wouldn't make sense: we can't for example, go grade one package for him, grade two package for me...etc.

Yes, that's exactly what was suggested above. That way, you each have half the original albums and half of the scans. That's as fair as it gets and makes perfect sense. Or, since you have two children, one parent gets the albums for one child, and the other parent gets them for the other.

And don't use a camcorder, that would be terrible quality! Just bring the albums to a copy place or a photo place, and pay probably much less than $150 to have a professional scan them all onto a CD for you.

Then you could use an online service to print your albums into a beautiful bound book. You never know, the new versions may be nicer and more durable than the originals!

I know you are seeing this as the key issue, but it's indicative of his attitude, and yours, frankly. If you can't resolve this fairly, when other issues rear their heads, and they will because divorces are like that, you won't have a good working agreement set up.

[standing on the sidelines]

why make this so difficult when it doesn have to be???? Take the two albums in to blacks or where ever and get copies made of the pictures?? Then ask him to pay half the cost of doing it. This should be such a non-issue and if this is the only sticking point, i would do it.

[Tayken]

Pointers, please?

In addition to e-copies of kids' photos, I have amassed a set of HARDCOPY photos thru the years and organized them nicely into albums for both kids, now 20 and 11, stored into a wooden chest. While no major issues in other aspects of our house content division, including/especially on money, this one labeled "kids' photo albums" has been contentious from day one. I have even offered to scan special photos for my stbx in addition to dvd movie projects i have made on each of the kids, give him open access to the albums at any time, but to no avail.

...and it's not like i saw him ever perusing :-) the photo albums, on his own accord, in the past...:-)

I just don't know how to 'split' the photo albums and/or resolve this situation without having to go to a mediator.

Anyone encountered a similar snag?

Tx,
2bfree2012

Make digital copies of everything first and both parents get a copy. You can reproduce any size picture you want from a good digital copy.

[HammerDad]

Using a camcorder to try and recreate a photo album, what a rediculously lazy and stupid idea.

"Hey, here is a copy of the photo albums. It is completedly unusable as an album and you can spend the next [god-knows-how-long] trying to extract the pictures from the video, then convert them to jpeg to be able to print them off....but I just don't have time to bring it to Costco, Blacks or [insert photo company here] to do even though it would take up less of my time......."

What an idiotic idea. I would never accept that as a viable alternative.

Take it down to the local photography place and have them reproduce it. It will likely cost $100-200 depending on number of albums. How many hours of your lawyers time do you think it take to chew up that amount???

[Tayken]

Take it down to the local photography place and have them reproduce it. It will likely cost $100-200 depending on number of albums. How many hours of your lawyers time do you think it take to chew up that amount???

Bingo. HammerDad is absolutely correct. A negative advocate solicitor would be more than willing to charge you 265 to 800 and hour to fight this one out in court.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[hemademesingle]

Why not just copy all the pictures? Takes time, but it is pretty simple to do,

I copied all our pictures, not only for him, but for our kids as well, put them on a flash drive, then he can copy whatever ones he wants,


It really seems sad to fight over memories of a chapter in your lives

[billiechic]

or maybe you could EACH get a copy of the original books, and agree that the originals are the property of the children themselves. I think they are both old enough to value those books, and to properly care for them. Sheeesh!