interim spousal support

[prettyflower]

I'm separated since July 2011 (4 months ago) but still living in the house with my stbx.
I am a 52 yo stay at home Mom. I would like to leave the house but have no money beside my RRSPs.(married 26 years don't work) I know I can get interim spousal support and he can afford it but would like to know if that is a good move or should I stay until I have a signed separation agreement? How long does it take to negotiate an interim SS when your X doesn't want to give you one before the final separation agreement is signed.

We don't fight, we pretty much ignore each other and do our own things. The only problem is that he wants me to still do groceries and cook for my adult children like before separation. I have decided to cook only if my adult kids cook with me so they can learn how to.

Should I leave anyway and hope for the best?

[standing on the sidelines]

I'm separated since July 2011 (4 months ago) but still living in the house with my stbx.
I am a 52 yo stay at home Mom. I would like to leave the house but have no money beside my RRSPs.(married 26 years don't work) I know I can get interim spousal support and he can afford it but would like to know if that is a good move or should I stay until I have a signed separation agreement? How long does it take to negotiate an interim SS when your X doesn't want to give you one before the final separation agreement is signed.

We don't fight, we pretty much ignore each other and do our own things. The only problem is that he wants me to still do groceries and cook for my adult children like before separation. I have decided to cook only if my adult kids cook with me so they can learn how to.

Should I leave anyway and hope for the best?

first off when in the hell are you still cooking for adult children??? How old are they? They can help with meal prep etc if they dont then they are on their own. As long as there is no fighting, hostility or he is making it difficult for you to stay then I would stay.

I would also start looking for a job even if its working at tim hortons or whatever. The money you get for SS (if you get it) will not be enough to pay all your bills and it should not be. Start getting an idea of what your monthly bills will be for your own place and stuff like that.

You have RRSPs but didnt work? I take it he used the transfer option to help you on that? Do you guys own the house or is it a rental

[Pursuinghappiness]

Prettyflower:

Be cautious...this forum is not SAHP or women-friendly.

The best thing to do is to simply ask your lawyer. A lot of people..including myself...end up having to spend their separation in the same house as their stbx spouse. I know its uncomfortable and difficult but separate yourself in the house and simply avoid him. I ended up having to suffer being in the same house for about 18-months before I was finally able to put the house up for sale.

Also, I would ask your lawyer about the support implications of your finding a part-time or full-time job. Most likely, he's going to make the argument (provided you have no physical disabilities) that you can work and will try to impute a wage for you anyway. So its probably in your best interest to find something and it will help you get out of the house.

As for any money you have in RRSPs..I wouldn't touch it for obvious reasons unless you're forced to...also its part of your maritial assets which will be looked at for equalization reasons.

I know how anxious you are to move out and move on....believe me, I know. But be patient, hang in there and just start planning your new life.

Best wishes!!

[prettyflower]

I worked a few years full time until I got my first child so I had my own RRSPs. After that it was spousal RRSPs. We own the house and I know I'm getting 1/2 but only when the agreement is signed and finalized. Apparently the Net Family Property (NFP) evaluation has to be complete before division occurs.
Concerning a job, yes I have started to look for one but who wants to hire a 52 year old who stayed at home for the last 20 years? I have no income earning capacities so I think going back to school for a year and get some basic training (computer, bookeeping etc..) is in order even for just doing everyday chores.... I don't even do banking on line :-(

Can't wait to get out of this situation and start my own life.

[billm]

...

Be cautious...this forum is not SAHP or women-friendly.

...

Such an absolute statement.

Does it include your posts as well Pursinghappiness, or just everyones but yours?

[billm]

Don't leave without a full agreement in place - however negotiating that agreement can cause a lot of acrimony depending on how sensible you and your ex are, and whether or not you control your lawyers.

It should all be pretty simple - divide all things by 2, deal with any child support obligations. The only grey area is spousal support - so you need to figure that out and decide what you think is reasonable after learning how its handled by Family Law.

Best advice - control your lawyer, or else they will intentionally make it a fight , rather than a cooperative effort to finalize your marriage. That is how family law works unfortunately.

[Pursuinghappiness]

Prettyflower:

I would definitely agree that some job-training might be a good idea. They have some great on-line learning sites if you have a laptop. But don't assume that you can't get a job. You can definitely get hired. I would make a trip to the unemployment office, meet with a counsellor and get some advice and resources to start your search. One thing they'll tell you is to think about your existing skills and how you can turn them into income. There's a lot of books outs about that too that you can find at the library (which by the way is a good place to look for a part time job).

You can do it....and since you're stuck in the same house with your ex..its a great time to start doing it before you're managing all on your own.

Also...try meetup.com to find some support groups or employment groups in your area that might be able to give you a hand.

[Pursuinghappiness]

lol billm...its hardly just my opinion that this forum is highly unfriendly to women.

[billm]

lol billm...its hardly just my opinion that this forum is highly unfriendly to women.

I find your comments unfriendly to me, and don't think it's reasonable to paint all with the same brush.

I have been accused of being a woman pretending to be a man in this forum on more than one occasion because (I believe) I have a gender neutral view point. I believe many of the men on this site have the same gender neutral view.

My ex was a SAHM for 12 years, at separation she went to school full time for one year and is now working full time - as she should be, and I appreciate both our ability for her to be a SAHM, and that she has 'stepped up to the plate' and taken her financial health into her own hands. I pay SS, which in my agreement is time limited and reasonable.

[Lorac]

Try being 62 and looking for a job. It can be done, my favourite saying to my children was "how bad do you want it." I am a very independent person and I refuse to let anyone think I'm not capable. I found a job...I'm a tele-recruiter for the Heart and Stroke Foundation. It's only until Dec 17th but it will pay me enough to get my grandkiddies Christmas. It's minimun $10.25 and that's fine with me...work...is work. I went back to school when I was 27...then again when I was in my mid 30's...then again when I was still working full time I got my PI license at 55 years of age. You can do it, you just have to have confidence in yourself and realize your potential. I have 4 children all boys...it can be done.
Good luck

[prettyflower]

Thank you everyone for giving me some confidence.

[LostFather]

first off when in the hell are you still cooking for adult children??? How old are they? They can help with meal prep etc if they dont then they are on their own. As long as there is no fighting, hostility or he is making it difficult for you to stay then I would stay.

I would also start looking for a job even if its working at tim hortons or whatever. The money you get for SS (if you get it) will not be enough to pay all your bills and it should not be. Start getting an idea of what your monthly bills will be for your own place and stuff like that.

You have RRSPs but didnt work? I take it he used the transfer option to help you on that? Do you guys own the house or is it a rental

Why, because she's a mother"stay at home mom" lol. If her children are all adults what is there the stay at home mom for?? as has been said...if you don't want to do the stay"mom" thing to your adult children then get a job. Is your husband unemployed?? Well he be able to be? are you planning on staying at home for the rest of your life. In my opinion if your children are adults the sahm thing is over, especially if you do not want to be the stay at home parent anymore.

[momforever1956]

Well here goes,,,, I am not expecting a fan base with this.
I was married for almost 29 years to a successful professional. I have been out of the work force for over 25 years and have zero intention of returning. I raised two kids cared for an ill mother and ill brother (for 10 of those years), and my x was busy sleeping with transsexual prostitutes. Ohh, how he would love me go back to work so he can support his new family, trash with baby trash, but it aint happening. I know , I know get over it,, oh believe me I am---just half of his multi 100,000's of income will be mine.
Don;t leave the house, and go for spousal support, there maybe an income they will insist you can earn, that will be deducted from the amount he owes you, but you are entitled, it is the law.

[billm]

Well here goes,,,, I am not expecting a fan base with this.
I was married for almost 29 years to a successful professional. I have been out of the work force for over 25 years and have zero intention of returning. I raised two kids cared for an ill mother and ill brother (for 10 of those years), and my x was busy sleeping with transsexual prostitutes. Ohh, how he would love me go back to work so he can support his new family, trash with baby trash, but it aint happening. I know , I know get over it,, oh believe me I am---just half of his multi 100,000's of income will be mine.
Don;t leave the house, and go for spousal support, there maybe an income they will insist you can earn, that will be deducted from the amount he owes you, but you are entitled, it is the law.

Well, at least you're not bitter.

Freedom 55! Lucky you!

Does your ex have the same retirement plan?

[momforever1956]

Unfortunately for him he turned his back on fair,and luck.. I guess retirement for this dude wont even be Freedom 65!!!!!!