3 kids, one insists on staying with me.

[dadontherocks]

My X wants 50/50 of the kids, and arrange a schedule whereby they share time between homes. I'm not a fan, rather they stay with me, the Dad, and visit her as I've been doing most of the parenting for the last 3 years.
Problem is by 16yr old daughter refuses to agree to this and wants 100% time and custody to me. she has felt abandoned by her mother for years refuses to live with her.
Can I get CS for her alone and not the 2 boys if they want to spend 50% of the time with her.
My X will not want to pay anything. She's spending more time with the boys now, which is good, but I think its to avoid CS (all still in the matrimonial home but selling)
If I can ask for CS, do I follow the govt. guidelines for one child.
also, can I get 100% custody for her and joint for the boys?
Splitting the kids is awful, but my daughter is adamant about this and her feelings are justified.

[frustratedwithex]

Yes you can do this, I do.

One child lives with dad full time, 2 children live 50/50 between the both of us.

I pay him full child support, (based on my income) for one child. This is then offset by the child support for the other 2 children.

eg.
He pays support for 2 children, based on his income.
I pay support for 3 children, based on my income.
Subtract one from the other.

[caro46]

Hi I am in the same situation, my 14yrs old wants to be with me most of the time and visit her dad a day a week without any sleep overs or just occasionnaly. My question is, how to go about changing the agreement since she is old enough to choose? Can she just sign something or does she have to go in front of a judge and request that custody be changed?
Thanks

[billm]

Hi I am in the same situation, my 14yrs old wants to be with me most of the time and visit her dad a day a week without any sleep overs or just occasionnaly. My question is, how to go about changing the agreement since she is old enough to choose? Can she just sign something or does she have to go in front of a judge and request that custody be changed?
Thanks

Why change custody? Access is in place the way she wants it. Custody does not need to, nor should be changed. He is still a parent to the child, and she'll be an adult in less than four years anyway.

[caro46]

Yes I totally agree with you billm, but how does child support get transfered for that child? Doesn't it have to be done officially somehow?

[billm]

only if you can't agree between the parents - is the FRO involved?

I assume there is fighting going on - then you have to go to court I guess. Otherwise if you can agree to change CS, then just do it.

[caro46]

Yes FRO is involved and I know that he will not agree to changing the child support as this happened in the past and he told my daughter that all I want is more money from him etc... and that really confused her... This time I first told her I would not be asking for child support changes so she doesn't have to worry about arguments or manipulation from her dad but she insists that CS be changed as she is not getting anything from her dad and I am the one who gets her clothes, pays for school stuff and activities.
All I want for her is to be able to live a stable life where she feels safe and loved... Money is important but not as much as her emotionnal well being.
Would it be stupid to just drop the CS altogheter to avoid fighting or should I pursue the issue? and What is the process for my daughter and I?
I do have a lawyer but she takes forever to get back to me and half the time I have for figure out things on my own...

[NBDad]

You file a motion with the court to change the access schedule to what the daughter wishes it to be. You need to sit her down and explain she can't flip flop on it.

Then once THAT is settled you formally request that child support be changed based on the new access arrangements. When he refuses, you file a motion with the court. Settle the access crap first, then fix CS if it's that big a deal.

[billm]

Yes FRO is involved and I know that he will not agree to changing the child support as this happened in the past and he told my daughter that all I want is more money from him etc... and that really confused her... This time I first told her I would not be asking for child support changes so she doesn't have to worry about arguments or manipulation from her dad but she insists that CS be changed as she is not getting anything from her dad and I am the one who gets her clothes, pays for school stuff and activities.
All I want for her is to be able to live a stable life where she feels safe and loved... Money is important but not as much as her emotionnal well being.
Would it be stupid to just drop the CS altogheter to avoid fighting or should I pursue the issue? and What is the process for my daughter and I?
I do have a lawyer but she takes forever to get back to me and half the time I have for figure out things on my own...

You should keep your child out of the loop! Don't talk about money etc with her - even if she is 14, that should be kept strictly between you and her dad.

[caro46]

I agree about not talking to her about money... Except that her dad has done a lot of brainwashing with her and her sisters, he talks to them about money, his relationships with other women, with me, child support, child tax benefit, his budget etc... My usual answer is :"That's not for you to worry about that, It's for your dad and I to sort out" but then she visits with her dad and comes back with information that is often wrong and that she shouldn't even know... That's one of the reason why she doesn't want to live with him anymore, she gets very anxious when hearing his confidences. But the fact is that she already knows enough to get worried and stressed out.
Anyways I realize I have taken over your post dadontherocks, Sorry about that!

[dadontherocks]

CS for the 3rd child

No worries about hijacking my post, it all helps.

I'll be asking for some CS for my daughter, who will be with me 100% of the time. This may sound strange on the same post as children, but what happens with pets. The family has 3 dogs, a rabbit and a parrot, and with food, vet bills etc. it all adds up. My x is leaving and we have the same salary, so she wants to pay nothing for the kids as she's assuming 50/50 (won't happen with my daughter) but unless she takes 50% of the animals too, which is not acceptable to my kids and physically not possible, do I get stuck with the animal bills? she bought 2 of the dogs, not me, but I look after them.

[blinkandimgone]

Yup, you're stuck with them. Or leave the pets with her and let her decide what to do with them.