Spent $13k on legals, Now Out of Money to Carry On

[lorlaman]

I hope I can get some guidance here.
My ex and I lived commonlaw for over 25 years. In the last 5 years, she became addicted to prescription speed she was on for weight loss. The drug made her paranoid and delusional and she believed I was trying to poison her as the food and water in the house "did not taste right". Things became worse and worse to the point where in Jan 2010, she assaulted me (children witnessed) defending the drugs, I defended myself and she called 911. She was arrested. She was placed on a Peace Bond and lived away from the home for 3 months. During this time, I paid for her legals, accommodation etc. She truly believes I manipulated 4 police officers into arresting her causing her to be away from the home and our 2 children; 12 and 14.

In late April, 2010, she returned home after successfully weening off the drugs and she attended only 2-1 hour counseling sessions and the charges were dropped. I desperately wanted back our relationship and family and tried everything I could to be nice to her. She refused marital or any counseling, did not want to discuss the issue at all and was adamant to end the relationship by her actions and she denied the drugs affected her. This caused her to distance herself from the kids, who now do not trust her at all.

In October 2010, she again assaulted me, again witnessed by one of the children and again she believes I manipulated the police. She was ordered to stay away from the home and me. I sent a letter through my lawyer to ask her to seriously take counseling and treatment, otherwise I would take action to get custody of the children; she refused and launched a law suit looking for spousal support, me being ordered out of the house, and she wanted the kids and child support. She saw the children very sporadically and barely contacted them even though she had open access.

In March of 2011, we went to the case conference, where the judge ordered me to pay 1,500 monthly in support (she did not work), she pays no CS even though the kids are with me, and she was awarded scheduled access. Access went OK, and after 6 weeks, the kids and her had a fight and they refused to see her unless the kids and her went to counseling together; she refused and didn't see the kids for 3 months. She then dragged me into court again saying I was couching the kids and steering them and accused me of Parental Alienation Syndrome. The OCL was just getting involved but on the surface, could find no evidence of coaching. Settlement conference is now in September.

We again went to court (the Syndrome accusation) where she suddenly agreed to counseling and we never saw the judge.

I had a lawyer from October of 2010 until May of 2011 where he had a heart attack and I had to get a new lawyer; more $$$$$. All the defending her accusations has cost me $13K and I am officially out of money and cannot borrow. I am still in the house paying a 325k mortgage and all the utilities, not receiving CS, paying her the 1.5k monthly SS. She is to receive a 125k inheritance and has used her lawyer like taking a cab. He is everywhere and even at OCL meetings with her. Legally, nothing has changed so 13k has not resolved anything.

I now need to self represent since I cannot afford legal counsel. Can anyone please offer me any advice?

[Mess]

The "order" from the case conference was a consent order, you didn't have to agree. If you couldn't afford that much spousal support then you should not have agreed, only you know your budget.

You may file a motion order to change the amount awarded, you have to be thorough with your argument. The children live with you, you are supporting them alone and their needs take priority. You need to detail a budget and have supporting receipts attached.

She will disagree of course, you both file affidavits and the judge decides.

You have no other choice, you have an order to pay support. You pay according to the order or you try to change it.

You don't need representation for the settlement conference, but you must prepare, you must be able to assert yourself, you must know what your lines are. Don't agree to an order to pay support at a level you can't afford. You must be organized and present clear arguments and have facts to back up what you say.

[lorlaman]

Thanks Mess, I was hopingh to hear from you.
I did not agree to the support. She wanted $2500/mos hi end and custody with $1,600 CS, plus having me removed from the home, the judge ordered the support and amount, no CS from or to her.
She has deliberately shown herself to impetuous and cleans houses for $25.hr. The Judge I believe, imputed an income for her of around $25k a year and told her to get more clients. As well, told her this is not 2008 where you can sit back and let the money roll in. You have to get up and go to work. My ex had deliberately removed her ad in the paper for house cleaning before the court appearance and claimed to be making only $200 a week but had expenses over $3k a month, living like that for about 5 months.

We still have not ironed out custody as I have defacto custody since she is not allowed near the house, we still have not settled our finances either. I make 100k a year and she has deliberately avoided working even though I could barely sustain the household and she was able to work.

Right now, I cannot afford legal counsel and fear she will motion me to death since she has the money. I know she just rented a 3 bedroom house (after living in a basement apartment for 9 months) and is planning the kids rooms and living arrangements. She may be chasing custody and preparing for it.

[karmaseeker]

The "order" from the case conference was a consent order, you didn't have to agree. If you couldn't afford that much spousal support then you should not have agreed, only you know your budget.

You may file a motion order to change the amount awarded, you have to be thorough with your argument. The children live with you, you are supporting them alone and their needs take priority. You need to detail a budget and have supporting receipts attached.

She will disagree of course, you both file affidavits and the judge decides.

You have no other choice, you have an order to pay support. You pay according to the order or you try to change it.

You don't need representation for the settlement conference, but you must prepare, you must be able to assert yourself, you must know what your lines are. Don't agree to an order to pay support at a level you can't afford. You must be organized and present clear arguments and have facts to back up what you say.

?? They didn't give my partner choice in CC on child support and section 7. Where was the option to not agree??

Felt very heavy handed even by our own lawyer that we HAD to agree He can't afford the award to her given on a bunch of lies - but no one seems to care. That's why I've gone and got the MP's and newspapers involved now.

My advice to OP and every other person getting shafted- Write your MP!