A personal financial question

[Greek to me]

My wife and I have been separated for two years, the kids live with her about 20 minutes away. We were married and living together for 15 years (all the kids are mine). She stayed home to raise them while I went to school for 12 years. When we initially separated she moved out of province to be closer to her family and go back to school. I told her if she moved back I would help her with the children and help her with her education. She hasn't graduated high school BUT she did take some schooling a few years back that gave her a receptionist type diploma.
She agreed to move back and now my kids hate me, hate the town they live in and my oldest refuses to see me. I cut off her cell phone because she was acting like a spoiled brat. She didn't learn anything. Still refuses to talk to me (I haven't seen her in 8 months). My stbx has called and told me that our child is suicidal and threatening to run away, back to where my wife's family is from. I think this kid needs to stop being sensitive and learn respect.
Ok, so, when my wife moved back I really thought we could make it work. She refused. She left me because I was drinking too much. I went to rehab for drugs and alcohol but I drink and it is NOT a problem. I only went to rehab because she was going to leave me. And she did anyways! So we didn't patch things up and I didn't help her get into school or pay for her schooling. She can't get loans to upgrade so she has had to borrow from her parents. She can work as a secretary she just refuses because she wants an education.
I see my kids who will see me every other weekend and watch them play hockey two or three times a month for about an hour.
Now here's the financial question; my wife wants to go to school and she wants spousal. She left me!!! She should have to go to work like every body else!
I've kept things tied up and don't pay child support or alimony. I willingly give her $5000/month but then I deduct $1000 for her car and another $1500 for her rent. She claims that she can't live and pay bills on $2500. Her gas is ridiculously high ($700!), groceries for her and the kids is ridiculous and then all she has is cell bills (hers and two kids-she bought a cell phone for our kid because I cut it off!), satellite, gas, utilities, internet... And she wants more money!!
I make a good living but she left me! She gets more than the average albertan and she can go to work if she wants more! Now she is threatening to move back with her family to save money on rent so she can go to school and our kid can bee with her friends! No way in hell.
My taxes say I make $398000.00 but what about all the things I have to pay for? My lawyer says she won't get more than what I'm giving her right now but she won't listen because HER lawyer tells her she'll get more.
I'm sick of being a bank machine for her. Can she move like this? The venue is in her town but I can appeal that! I'm so sick of going to work while she does nothing but take a few highschool classes.
Can anybody help me?

[Greek to me]

In addition, according to 'child support guidelines' they want more JUST FOR CHILD SUPPORT! Close to $7000 AND ALIMONY!

[dadtotheend]

Who left who is irrelevant to the law. It matters to you clearly, but you are going to have to come to terms with that fact that society doesn't care who's fault the breakdown was.

[Mess]

I thought you were a woman, not a man, that you had sons, no daughter and you were moving to England to study international business?

[Greek to me]

I was desperately looking for answers because she wanted to leave and that was her plan... If she would just be reasonable and work like everybody else it would be fine!
Yeah, I lied about my gender. I feel like I'm getting screwed over by the system at every turn. Our lawyer fee's are over $50k and she doesn't work! I'm sorry I deceived you by pretending to be her but my lawyers tell me one thing, she tells me another, her lawyer tells her something else and on and on.
She also found me on this forum and used it in her affidavits so I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL! You would too. It doesn't make my questions irrelevant. I thought enough time had passed that it wouldn't matter. Sorry.

[mom2three]

Interesting. Mess caught up to you and you tried to justify yourself. I do believe this is a forum for people helping people through the most excruciating time of their (and their children's) lives.

I honestly believe you have come to the wrong place for advice if you expect any ounce of support. You make $398 grand and wonder how you are to support yourself when you give your ex $5 grand to support your children?

I won't criticize (as things could be typed in error) for now, but I do hope those number you wrote were typed in error; would I ever dream of living of living off twenty grand a month. But can you perhaps see what the problem is?

[wretchedotis]

No, I totally get where this guy is coming from.
It real easy to look at his type of situation and be bitter with someone that only ever seems to ask for more money based on the fact they they were once a couple. I find it disconcerting that a spouse can willingly leave a relationship and be entitled to what it seems they are entitled to. It sucks.

Having said that. This is the world we live in.
Suck it up like every other Dad on here, and bend over.

[Mess]

My wife and I have been separated for two years, the kids live with her about 20 minutes away.

She moved back to the same province, away from family so the kids would be 20 minutes away from their dad.

We were married and living together for 15 years (all the kids are mine). She stayed home to raise them while I went to school for 12 years.

After a 15 year marriage where she stayed home and raised the kids you don't want to pay spousal support?

When we initially separated she moved out of province to be closer to her family and go back to school. I told her if she moved back I would help her with the children and help her with her education. She hasn't graduated high school BUT she did take some schooling a few years back that gave her a receptionist type diploma.

So you offered to put her through school if she moved back, she kept her part of the bargain and now you want to reneg.

She agreed to move back and now my kids hate me, hate the town they live in and my oldest refuses to see me. I cut off her cell phone because she was acting like a spoiled brat. She didn't learn anything. Still refuses to talk to me (I haven't seen her in 8 months). My stbx has called and told me that our child is suicidal and threatening to run away, back to where my wife's family is from. I think this kid needs to stop being sensitive and learn respect.

I could write a few dozen pages here about how your attitude toward your children makes me want to throw up. Will you relax and stop blaming if your child actually DOES kill themself?

Ok, so, when my wife moved back I really thought we could make it work.

Was this a reconcilliation? It doesn't sound that way from your earlier statement. It sounded like she agreed to move the children closer to you.

She refused. She left me because I was drinking too much. I went to rehab for drugs and alcohol but I drink and it is NOT a problem. I only went to rehab because she was going to leave me.

You went into rehab under false pretenses, you achieved nothing there because you won't admit a problem, and you are still drinking.

And she did anyways!

Bravo to her. You bullshitted her about rehab and kept drinking. She should have left you years ago, you're lucky she's given you so many chances as it is.

So we didn't patch things up and I didn't help her get into school or pay for her schooling.

You reneged on rehab and you reneged on paying for school and like a typical narcissist you are blaming everyone but yourself for what is happening in your life.

She can't get loans to upgrade so she has had to borrow from her parents. She can work as a secretary she just refuses because she wants an education.

She is undereducated would be working and earning far below her potential ability. You do realize that if she starts earning to her potential this lets you off the hook for spousal? But wait, if she is earning to her full potential that takes the power away from you, doesn't it?

I see my kids who will see me every other weekend and watch them play hockey two or three times a month for about an hour.

And in that amount of time you've managed to drive them away from you and they hate you. Nice work.

Now here's the financial question; my wife wants to go to school and she wants spousal. She left me!!! She should have to go to work like every body else!

You should have to pay spousal like anyone else in your position. She was your dependent for years, she left you because of drugs and alcohol, you wasted every opportunity to clean up your act.

I've kept things tied up and don't pay child support or alimony.

You're a real piece of work, you know that? It's because of people like you that we need family courts and the FRO.

I willingly give her $5000/month but then I deduct $1000 for her car and another $1500 for her rent.

So you can control the purse strings. She's not your property, dude.

She claims that she can't live and pay bills on $2500.

Raising three kids? Or is it 4? I haven't figured out if you have a daughter or not.

Her gas is ridiculously high ($700!), groceries for her and the kids is ridiculous and then all she has is cell bills (hers and two kids-she bought a cell phone for our kid because I cut it off!), satellite, gas, utilities, internet... And she wants more money!!

And clothes, school supplies, books, sports, recreation, outings. Or should your children be homeschooled in threadbare rags by candlight?

I make a good living but she left me!

Good for her. Be a man and own up to the responsibilities you have for the dependents you willingly took on. It was your choice to get married and have kids.

She gets more than the average albertan and she can go to work if she wants more! Now she is threatening to move back with her family to save money on rent so she can go to school and our kid can bee with her friends! No way in hell.

No way in hell will you let go of control of kids who don't even want to spend time with you! When you have visitation just take their new cell phones away and toss them, the ungrateful brats will learn their lessons sooner or later.

My taxes say I make $398000.00

Your taxes can talk? If only your books could talk too. How much income do you hide behind "expenses"?

but what about all the things I have to pay for?

What the heck to you HAVE to pay for? I thought it was no problem living on $2500 a month?

My lawyer says she won't get more than what I'm giving her right now but she won't listen because HER lawyer tells her she'll get more.

Here's a free tip: Garbage in = garbage out. Your lawyer can only advise you based on the bullshit you feed them.

I'm sick of being a bank machine for her.

Then fulfill your promise, let her complete her education and she'll earn her own living.

Can she move like this?

You want to stop her from moving? That is a sick level of control. It's possible to block her from moving the children but from your description you will have an uphill battle if they want nothing to do with you.

The venue is in her town but I can appeal that! I'm so sick of going to work while she does nothing but take a few highschool classes.

Jesus Christ!!! She doesn't have a high school diploma and you are whining about her going back to school!?!!!

Can anybody help me?

This is a forum for legal help. The psychiatric forum is next door.

[blinkandimgone]

It won't let me give any rep for the post so I'll just say kudos here, Mess.

[Mess]

Appreciated, Blink. I just wish these situations didn't come up.

[dadtotheend]

Lied about his gender? $398K? Rehab? This guy's (gal?) got to be jokng.

From the sublime to the ridiculous.

[standing on the sidelines]

Lied about his gender? $398K? Rehab? This guy's (gal?) got to be jokng.

From the sublime to the ridiculous.

yep and if he makes that kind of money, he has no problem hiring a hot shot lawyer.

[Gary M]

You guys are harsh. We could be reading the rantings of a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder, who is actually married to one of his/her other personalities.

Extremely interesting from a clinical point of view, and perhaps the 1st divorce/custody case in history where the division of assets, maintenance, etc., etc., will actually result in breaking even... win/win for both identities.

I'll be watching this one closely.

Cheers!

Gary

[standing on the sidelines]

You guys are harsh. We could be reading the rantings of a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder, who is actually married to one of his/her other personalities.

Extremely interesting from a clinical point of view, and perhaps the 1st divorce/custody case in history where the division of assets, maintenance, etc., etc., will actually result in breaking even... win/win for both identities.

I'll be watching this one closely.

Cheers!

Gary

LMFAO that is way to funny

[Mess]

You guys are harsh. We could be reading the rantings of a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder, who is actually married to one of his/her other personalities.

Extremely interesting from a clinical point of view, and perhaps the 1st divorce/custody case in history where the division of assets, maintenance, etc., etc., will actually result in breaking even... win/win for both identities.

I'll be watching this one closely.

Cheers!

Gary

As stated above, this forum is for divorce. The psychiatric forum is next door.

Unless s/he wants to divorce one of their personalities.