And so it begins...

[lilspinx]

And hindsight is 20/20 - none of us know in the beginning what were about to undertake. It's only once you're past it do you realize the financial repercussions. Also, I think if I show I'm willing to take it up the wahoo, it just gets worse. For example, I say 5, he says 8. So I say okay 8 and he says, oh crap that was easy, let me go for 10 now. Sometimes it never ends - depends on the ex. Isn't it funny that you realize you don't know your spouse until you DIVORCE them. Everyone thinks you can all be adults and reasonable and in many cases it's the exact opposite!

Unfortunately, some allow their emotions or greed to get the better of them and don't realize the impact it may have on the outcome.

[WorkingDAD]

And hindsight is 20/20 - none of us know in the beginning what were about to undertake. It's only once you're past it do you realize the financial repercussions. Also, I think if I show I'm willing to take it up the wahoo, it just gets worse. For example, I say 5, he says 8. So I say okay 8 and he says, oh crap that was easy, let me go for 10 now. Sometimes it never ends - depends on the ex. Isn't it funny that you realize you don't know your spouse until you DIVORCE them. Everyone thinks you can all be adults and reasonable and in many cases it's the exact opposite!

Actually you really will know your spouse ONLY and repeat ONLY after going through divorce... unfortunately that only way (

[Mominneed]

And hindsight is 20/20 - none of us know in the beginning what were about to undertake. It's only once you're past it do you realize the financial repercussions. Also, I think if I show I'm willing to take it up the wahoo, it just gets worse. For example, I say 5, he says 8. So I say okay 8 and he says, oh crap that was easy, let me go for 10 now. Sometimes it never ends - depends on the ex. Isn't it funny that you realize you don't know your spouse until you DIVORCE them. Everyone thinks you can all be adults and reasonable and in many cases it's the exact opposite!

[HammerDad]

If you figt for money that should be pure mathematics - no emotion....

Exactly.

Where the kids are involved, I would do whatever is within reason to maximize the amount of money in both households.

With no kids, it is simply a numbers game. How much will X cost me to save Y. When X becomes greater then Y, it becomes a bad business deal and horrible economics.

[cashcow4ex]

I'd rather believe that whatever may have been spent on legal fees may be used by either parent in the best interests of the child(ren).

but it not about giving her ... It about keep it for kid (or yourself)... If you figt for money that should be pure mathematics - no emotion....

If I understand correctly you prefer to keep eat "canned green beans for dinner" just to not let her ex have something?

No what I am saying is my Ex is like a dog on a bone when it comes to money. She would not be happy settling for half. She wouldnt rest until she received the whole amount.
If she genuinely used the money on the kids, it would be an easier pill to swollow. Instead she decided that she would like to live high off the hog!

[WorkingDAD]

Speaking from my personal situation, my Ex has received way more than what she was entitled to. For the first 2 years I ate canned green beans for dinner while she had a new house, new car, personal trainer and went south on a 2 week trip.

I would glady give that money over in legal fee's before giving her anything else.

but it not about giving her ... It about keep it for kid (or yourself)... If you figt for money that should be pure mathematics - no emotion....

If I understand correctly you prefer to keep eat "canned green beans for dinner" just to not let her ex have something?

[cashcow4ex]

I'd rather believe that whatever may have been spent on legal fees may be used by either parent in the best interests of the child(ren).

Speaking from my personal situation, my Ex has received way more than what she was entitled to. For the first 2 years I ate canned green beans for dinner while she had a new house, new car, personal trainer and went south on a 2 week trip.

I would glady give that money over in legal fee's before giving her anything else.

[WorkingDAD]

I'd rather believe that whatever may have been spent on legal fees may be used by either parent in the best interests of the child(ren).

Exactly HammerDAD. I was going to write that but as I understand kids not involved in this particular situation...

[HammerDad]

Call me selfish but i would rather see the money got to a lawyer than my EX.

I'd rather believe that whatever may have been spent on legal fees may be used by either parent in the best interests of the child(ren).

[WorkingDAD]

[QUOTE=cashcow4ex;66237]

I would just point that energy to earn thous 50k. that probably would be easier and more positive...


WorkingDAD,
Sometimes a fight is worth a loss in monetary value. We cant always roll over and let the Ex's get their way. It would never end. Keep in mind that we aren't the only ones losing money in the court system. Our Ex's are blowing a wad of their own money as well.

Call me selfish but i would rather see the money got to a lawyer than my EX.

I would prefer to give ex 25k and keep 25k for me than spend 50k for lawyer. I think I would save much more for long run ...

[cashcow4ex]

[quote=WorkingDAD;66182]
I would just point that energy to earn thous 50k. that probably would be easier and more positive...


WorkingDAD,
Sometimes a fight is worth a loss in monetary value. We cant always roll over and let the Ex's get their way. It would never end. Keep in mind that we aren't the only ones losing money in the court system. Our Ex's are blowing a wad of their own money as well.

Call me selfish but i would rather see the money got to a lawyer than my EX.

[Rico]

Thanks for your replies everyone....while in the process of starting the application...I received a letter from her lawyer today....advising that they agree to the pension equalization and splitting on costs for Separation Agreement and Divorce Proceedings. She had an appraisal come in below what is owed on the mortage, which is a complete crock, as the example houses used are not even remotely similar...

So...I've instructed lawyer to send back one final letter, advising that it is final...that I will not accept that appraisal and that we utilize the fair market value, which would give me 8500...even though I have put in over 50,000 in the last 5 years into that home....I think that is pretty reasonable....so I'll just have to wait...

I'll keep ya posted....

[lilspinx]

Well put Kimberly. Spending 50K to obtain 12K just doesn't make sense on equalization, considering the impact on the kids. At the end of the day, the court could also rule that each party bear their own costs and is always a possibility.

[Kimberley]

I fail to understand how parents cannot find a way to compromise so 'everyone wins' in some way.

The kids are spared a long battle between their parents - no matter how much you think you're protecting them from it, they can still sense things. The parents just might save $$$ that they can use towards their kids instead of a battle in court just because someone can't stand the lies or cheating behaviour of their ex.

I probably despise my ex more than most people ever could imagine, but I bite my tongue, a lot, because harbouring hatred will only cascade into other parts of my life - again, kids can sense more than you realize.

Even with all the hatred, his vindictiveness, and his stalking (dealt with by the police) behaviour (just to mention a few things), I worked my arse off to find a compromise which worked for the kids - it wasn't for me, it was for them.

Even now with my ex filing a motion to change for split custody (two oldest with him, two youngest with me) after I have had sole custody for 6 years, I am still compromising, even though it hurts like hell, because the teens would really like the opportunity to live with their father before they are adults and start their own lives away from both parents; it's about them, not me.

If more people would just learn to look past their hatred, their vindictive need for 'pay back', their want to be 'right' about something, maybe, just maybe there would be more of that time to give to the kids rather than spending it in court.

You can't get back the years you wasted on a battle; remember that when you're bound & determined to not let your ex 'get their way'.

[Mominneed]

Agreed WorkingDad - kids are the most important part of it.

No matter what you are willing to do to settle, the other party still needs to agree to something regardless of how "unfair" it is. Sometimes you are forced to spend a tonne of money just to get it over with. My x refuses to agree or even suggest what he would agree to so I'm headed for trial no matter what. But I'm hoping for costs in the end....