And so it begins...

[Rico]

I tried negotiating with my ex....no luck at all...she is the one who I found out had multiple affairs, so I left immediately....

I tried negotiating for half the equity of the matriomonial home...she's refusing to give me anything....

So...last letter went out gave her a deadline and she chose not to respond...

So, all of my paperwork is completed and being given to my lawyer....I will be seeking full entitlement under the law....

Half Equity of Home
Pension Equalization
Equalization of debt during marriage
Child Support (settled intentions)
Court Costs...

All I wanted was half the equity of the home, which is around 12,000 and she refused to give it, even though I have put over 50,000 into that home and that is all I am asking for....

So the process starts, Lawyer is drafting up Application...this is something I didn't really want to do, but I feel as though I have been backed into a corner...gave her an option, she chose to turn it down....

....I won't feel bad now....with whatever happens....

Just venting...

[WorkingDAD]

Good luck! Keep us posted )

[Mominneed]

My initial reaction to your post was going to be that $12K for 1/2 the equity isn't worth going to court over - you'll likely spend more in legal fees trying to collect it.

But this is what really bugs me about family court - where is the fairness in that? I think that people turn away from fighting for their rights because of huge legal costs but then what are our rights for? I'm going to end up spending probably $50-$100K fighting my x over $25K but I cannot accept the lying and cheating that goes on to try to force me to settle to something that isn't fair.

Sorry, guess I was just venting too. Your x is ridiculous for not just giving you the $12K - hopefully you'll get what you deserve PLUS COSTS!!!

[billm]

...I'm going to end up spending probably $50-$100K fighting my x over $25K ...

"Stupid is a stupid does"

[WorkingDAD]

It's not only about money.
The is much more important stuff involved ...

[winterwolf7]

I'm fighting for 50k and it still doesn't seem worth it, but how am I going to get another house without something :P

[WorkingDAD]

I'm fighting for 50k and it still doesn't seem worth it, but how am I going to get another house without something :P

I do not know guys. Money is replaceable. It easy to calculate is worse it not. If to get your 50k you will need to spend 55k it just does not make any sense. Plus your time, health, good mood. etc...

I would just point that energy to earn thous 50k. that probably would be easier and more positive...

Another thing with a kid. there is nothing can replace it. Ye you can make another kid but will he replace old one? No... with money is much much easier for me ... No emotions. No pain. I am just saying ....

[Mominneed]

Agreed WorkingDad - kids are the most important part of it.

No matter what you are willing to do to settle, the other party still needs to agree to something regardless of how "unfair" it is. Sometimes you are forced to spend a tonne of money just to get it over with. My x refuses to agree or even suggest what he would agree to so I'm headed for trial no matter what. But I'm hoping for costs in the end....

[Kimberley]

I fail to understand how parents cannot find a way to compromise so 'everyone wins' in some way.

The kids are spared a long battle between their parents - no matter how much you think you're protecting them from it, they can still sense things. The parents just might save $$$ that they can use towards their kids instead of a battle in court just because someone can't stand the lies or cheating behaviour of their ex.

I probably despise my ex more than most people ever could imagine, but I bite my tongue, a lot, because harbouring hatred will only cascade into other parts of my life - again, kids can sense more than you realize.

Even with all the hatred, his vindictiveness, and his stalking (dealt with by the police) behaviour (just to mention a few things), I worked my arse off to find a compromise which worked for the kids - it wasn't for me, it was for them.

Even now with my ex filing a motion to change for split custody (two oldest with him, two youngest with me) after I have had sole custody for 6 years, I am still compromising, even though it hurts like hell, because the teens would really like the opportunity to live with their father before they are adults and start their own lives away from both parents; it's about them, not me.

If more people would just learn to look past their hatred, their vindictive need for 'pay back', their want to be 'right' about something, maybe, just maybe there would be more of that time to give to the kids rather than spending it in court.

You can't get back the years you wasted on a battle; remember that when you're bound & determined to not let your ex 'get their way'.

[lilspinx]

Well put Kimberly. Spending 50K to obtain 12K just doesn't make sense on equalization, considering the impact on the kids. At the end of the day, the court could also rule that each party bear their own costs and is always a possibility.

[Rico]

Thanks for your replies everyone....while in the process of starting the application...I received a letter from her lawyer today....advising that they agree to the pension equalization and splitting on costs for Separation Agreement and Divorce Proceedings. She had an appraisal come in below what is owed on the mortage, which is a complete crock, as the example houses used are not even remotely similar...

So...I've instructed lawyer to send back one final letter, advising that it is final...that I will not accept that appraisal and that we utilize the fair market value, which would give me 8500...even though I have put in over 50,000 in the last 5 years into that home....I think that is pretty reasonable....so I'll just have to wait...

I'll keep ya posted....

[cashcow4ex]

[quote=WorkingDAD;66182]
I would just point that energy to earn thous 50k. that probably would be easier and more positive...


WorkingDAD,
Sometimes a fight is worth a loss in monetary value. We cant always roll over and let the Ex's get their way. It would never end. Keep in mind that we aren't the only ones losing money in the court system. Our Ex's are blowing a wad of their own money as well.

Call me selfish but i would rather see the money got to a lawyer than my EX.

[WorkingDAD]

[QUOTE=cashcow4ex;66237]

I would just point that energy to earn thous 50k. that probably would be easier and more positive...


WorkingDAD,
Sometimes a fight is worth a loss in monetary value. We cant always roll over and let the Ex's get their way. It would never end. Keep in mind that we aren't the only ones losing money in the court system. Our Ex's are blowing a wad of their own money as well.

Call me selfish but i would rather see the money got to a lawyer than my EX.

I would prefer to give ex 25k and keep 25k for me than spend 50k for lawyer. I think I would save much more for long run ...

[HammerDad]

Call me selfish but i would rather see the money got to a lawyer than my EX.

I'd rather believe that whatever may have been spent on legal fees may be used by either parent in the best interests of the child(ren).

[WorkingDAD]

I'd rather believe that whatever may have been spent on legal fees may be used by either parent in the best interests of the child(ren).

Exactly HammerDAD. I was going to write that but as I understand kids not involved in this particular situation...