Broken Glasses

[WorkingDAD]

OCL report outlined how my ex was causing conflict and so was her new boyfriend, stated how my fiancee and I do alot of volunteer work and are active in our daughters school life and with her doctor and all that stuff. Wrote that during our daughters interview our daughter told her that " daddy M was her real daddy, that is what mommy says" I am not daddy M. I can quote many more parts that are disturbing as well and they still recommended soul custody to mom with visitation to me cause of the conflict which is created by my ex. Soul Custody should be when 1 parent is unfit, but it is used when there is even the smallest suspicion of conflict even if it is only 1 sided.

and what is really bother me that OCL investigator wrote

Mr. Dad believes that the only way to reduce the conflict between him and Mrs. Mom would be for them to share custody of child and for child to spend equal time with both parties.

and than

Despite Mr. Dad 's position, the level of conflict between the parties would not subside with a shared parenting plan that included joint custody. The parties have not demonstrated any ability to positively communicate with one another about child thus far, nor have the been able to successfully make joint decisions about child. The parties have already unsuccessfully been able to agree on child's baptism. Mrs. Mom claims that she wanted to get child baptized quickly following his birth. Mr. Dad was not in agreement as he did not feel that they could come up with a suitable set of Godparents so he delayed the baptism. In the end, Mrs. Mom went ahead with getting child baptized without Mr. Dad's participation or invitation. Mrs. Mom stated that she tried to resolve the issue but Mr. Dad refused to cooperate with her on this matter.

this is make no sense at all for me
the level of conflict between the parties would not subside with a shared parenting plan that included joint custody.

this why conflict exist in first place ... I mean all recent research confirm opposite..

basically from Mom s point of view if I do not agree with her I am not cooperating ... and What I was saying about baptism that we should come up with god parents with whom child will benefit first of. People whom you would trust to care for child in case both parents will die.

[Gary M]

They have resorted to considerable personal attacks upon one another and have involved the police and Children's Aid in an effort to escalate the dispute and further their own positions. The potential for future emotional harm to child's is present if these parents do not resolve their differences expeditiously and amicably.

Well, well, well. Have you ever heard the expression "hoist on your own petard?"

That report says that you and your ex are a couple of childish assholes that will stop at nothing to get back at each-other and that neither of you cares enough about the child to attempt to act responsibily. It says that you two nutjobs steamroll your poor kid while you're acting like kids yourselves.

The reason one of you was given sole custody is because you two can't get your shit together long enough to parent the suffering child together.

It just says all that in nice, official language.

You're a real piece of work, man.

Cheers!

Gary

[WorkingDAD]

Well, well, well. Have you ever heard the expression "hoist on your own petard?"

That report says that you and your ex are a couple of childish assholes that will stop at nothing to get back at each-other and that neither of you cares enough about the child to attempt to act responsibily. It says that you two nutjobs steamroll your poor kid while you're acting like kids yourselves.

The reason one of you was given sole custody is because you two can't get your shit together long enough to parent the suffering child together.

It just says all that in nice, official language.

You're a real piece of work, man.

Cheers!


Gary

Are you drunk Gary?
I did not call Cas even once
and call police only when i was not allowed to see little one
so i still to ask ocl base on what he made his conclusion

[Rioe]

I am really putting my foot in it lately around here! Having a crummy week, sorry guys. How long does it take before dead anniversaries stop hurting?

Anyways, I guess I was being quite the rose-coloured glasses idealist about sole custody. I'm so sorry for those of you who are being railroaded into it when you are perfectly capable parents.

[WorkingDAD]

Well Gary conclude that I am "childish asshole" and "nutjob steamroll" so Gary made that conclusion base on one paragraph of OCL report.

So base on Gary's theory when door closed and I can not see kid without any explanation and call police to explain me what is going - I am an asshole... And when mother call police 12 times just because she can she is THE SAME ASSHOLE as me and should be awarded with sole custody ...

I wonder Gary what you would in my situation? When kid is 9 month and every day counts before kid will have now idea who you are?

I mean lets talk. Lets go thru every freaking police report. What you would say when I come with kid to police stations explain that mother do not want to come for kid for court ordered place and want me to come to her apartment building and I have feeling that she will pull up something again to set me up. Asking can someone just go with me - it take 10 minutes. And officer start yelling at you. Saying BE A MAN! GET A LIFE... and after I asked what his name and badge number he told me my name is Micky Mouse....

So Gary are you ready to go thru my OCL report? I can give you link.

[Gary M]

What you would say when I come with kid to police stations explain that mother do not want to come for kid for court ordered place and want me to come to her apartment building and I have feeling that she will pull up something again to set me up. Asking can someone just go with me - it take 10 minutes. And officer start yelling at you. Saying BE A MAN! GET A LIFE... and after I asked what his name and badge number he told me my name is Micky Mouse.....

What would I say? I would say what the police officer said, except that I wouldn't have been as nice.

Why would you take your CHILD to the police station at all? Jesus Christ, man, do that child a favour and find him a pair of adults who care more about him than themselves. Maybe then he will be able to HAVE A LIFE.

Poor li'l guy

Arrggggh!

Gary

[WorkingDAD]

What would I say? I would say what the police officer said, except that I wouldn't have been as nice.

Why would you take your CHILD to the police station at all? Jesus Christ, man, do that child a favour and find him a pair of adults who care more about him than themselves. Maybe then he will be able to HAVE A LIFE.

Poor li'l guy

Arrggggh!

Gary

OK I see. You know what Gary - Person with full stomach will never understand hungry person if you know what I mean....

[fireweb13]

WorkingDad, sometimes people really do not understand, or do not take the time to read into why things happen. If people only look at the surface and take things at face value then you should not listen to their judgement. If you want to take something as constructive critisism then that can be great, but remember that no everyone on this board has been in your shoes, and that means that some people have no idea about what its like to be in them. Keep fighing the good fight, your children need you, as mine need me.
GaryM. My OCL report says that during exchanges I yell at my ex in front of our child, where in fact I am usually walking away to avoid verbal and sometimes physical confrontations by my ex and her boyfriend. If you went on what you read on the OCL report and my my ex said or what most ex's say then you would believe the world is a much worse place. When people are looking for support, if you do not want to help then maybe keeping your mouth(keyboard) shut is a better idea. Being Constructive is one thing, being a d$%^ is another. By all means I still wish you a great day and hope that things are well with you.
Rioe- no worries, I mean alot of people do not understand how bad things can get in family court until they are given examples. We all do it at times but thank you anyways.

[WorkingDAD]

I was thinking overnight and decided to try one more time. I still believe in you Gary.

I would like to hear what would be right move from your point of you in regards of that visit to police station event.

So.

1. We have court ordered exchange place what is 5 min walk from mom's residence.

2. Sometimes when kid is not feeling well or weather is bad she ask me to pick up kid what I did on that's day morning. Happened once before on that time.

3. During the day over some discussion mom wrote to me I will give you a trouble. So I wrote to her you know what in such circumstances I do not feel comfortable to come to you place. I will come to court ordered place to be on safe side.

4. Rest of the day mom sent me number of emails DEMANDING to bring kid to her place. I said sorry but NO.

5. When I was already at exchange place mom sent another email saying that she will not come because she lost key from apartment and can not come.

6. I waited 30 minutes (played with little one)

7. Than went to police station asking for assistants..

On that period of time priority #1 to not let mom put me in situation what put in danger my access to kid and coming trial. That what I did - keep communication/contact to the minimum. Do not let any material for next affidavit grow.

I also would like to add that couple month before that mom force me to drive 40k one way to see kid because she decided to stay with her mom for some time. Despite court ordered access and exchange place. So I did not have a choice basically. If I will not go I will not see him and I would bet on next affidavit I would read that I missed access so I do not need kid in my life or he do not need me... So I went. And what do you thing?

There is only thing what saved me from probably at least charge for trespassing is video camera installed in my car + digital recorder in my pocket... A to and yes that was an episode when they called police and police referred CAS.

So explain me Gary what should I do on that day taking into account circumstances? Just follow mom's instructions?

Oh almost forget. How story end. While I was at police station mom called and said she will come to ordered exchange place. In 10 min I came gave her little one and that how that end.

[WorkingDAD]

WorkingDad, sometimes people really do not understand, or do not take the time to read into why things happen. If people only look at the surface and take things at face value then you should not listen to their judgement. If you want to take something as constructive critisism then that can be great, but remember that no everyone on this board has been in your shoes, and that means that some people have no idea about what its like to be in them. Keep fighing the good fight, your children need you, as mine need me.
GaryM. My OCL report says that during exchanges I yell at my ex in front of our child, where in fact I am usually walking away to avoid verbal and sometimes physical confrontations by my ex and her boyfriend. If you went on what you read on the OCL report and my my ex said or what most ex's say then you would believe the world is a much worse place. When people are looking for support, if you do not want to help then maybe keeping your mouth(keyboard) shut is a better idea. Being Constructive is one thing, being a d$%^ is another. By all means I still wish you a great day and hope that things are well with you.
Rioe- no worries, I mean alot of people do not understand how bad things can get in family court until they are given examples. We all do it at times but thank you anyways.

Thank you fireweb13.
I understand that but still hard for me to do. I had probably 3 hours sleep last night because of that post

[fireweb13]

I used to allow things to get to me to, but I realized that unless you know me, and know the situation, then why let it bother me. Also do you value that opinion? Does the opinion come out of knowing you, and out of understanding your situation, or does it come out of having a glimpse in a situation that they really know nothing about? If you are allowing someone who knows nothing about you get you to the point of not sleeping, then your ex must really get to you. Have you thought about seeking help? I did that and have read some good books as well about how to deal with a lot of the stuff thats going on and it has helped. Maybe it would help you as well?

[WorkingDAD]

Gary M
I am still waiting for you wisdom and maturity guidance what would you do ?
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...html#post66145

[Gary M]

Gary M
I am still waiting for you wisdom and maturity guidance what would you do ?
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...html#post66145

You have already received what wisdom I have to offer: Take it or leave it.

The path you follow is yours to choose and the results are yours to live with.

If there is any doubt in your mind as to what I think you're doing wrong, then I truly fear that you are beyond help.

Yours,

Gary

[wretchedotis]

Well, well, well. Have you ever heard the expression "hoist on your own petard?"

That report says that you and your ex are a couple of childish assholes that will stop at nothing to get back at each-other and that neither of you cares enough about the child to attempt to act responsibily. It says that you two nutjobs steamroll your poor kid while you're acting like kids yourselves.

The reason one of you was given sole custody is because you two can't get your shit together long enough to parent the suffering child together.

It just says all that in nice, official language.

You're a real piece of work, man.

Cheers!

Gary

You have a point here, Gary.
But at the same time - why should custody default to MOM just because him/her/both of them can't see over their ire?

Who should win? MOM? Just because?

[WorkingDAD]

You have a point here, Gary.
But at the same time - why should custody default to MOM just because him/her/both of them can't see over their ire?

Who should win? MOM? Just because?

Gary M does not have point there. I described him situation in details and asked him what he would do? But instead he answered with some sort bla bla bla...

I also offered him link to my OCL report (even in the way it is you can see who created conflict) but he do not want it.

It's much easier just to call someone asshole not even trying to understand situation. Not everybody so lucky with ex moving away and does not want anything to do with kids...