Broken Glasses

[wretchedotis]

So I think what I got out of the original post is,why do I have all the rights to my child taken away, but it is still my responsibility to pay for a child that I have no rights to be a parent to? Unfortunatly unless we can get more people acting politically and getting out in the media that will not change, its reality for way to many parents across the country. If it makes you feel better, why not ask if you can hold onto the spare set of glasses at your place? That way if he needs them you can guarantee they are safe and ready for him when he may need them.

It seems you have captured the thrust of my post.
This sentiment is very true, in my opinion.
I'm not saying this is the way life is - but it sure FEELS like it sometimes.
And yes, it makes me a smaller man that it bothers me - but why fight so hard for SOLE custody without taking on SOLE responsability to pay for the kids glasses too?

[wretchedotis]

You are responsible for supporting your child regardless of whether you have access or not.

I know. But I don't have to like it.

[WorkingDAD]

It seems you have captured the thrust of my post.
This sentiment is very true, in my opinion.
I'm not saying this is the way life is - but it sure FEELS like it sometimes.
And yes, it makes me a smaller man that it bothers me - but why fight so hard for SOLE custody without taking on SOLE responsability to pay for the kids glasses too?

It FEELS like that for me all the times. And if you take a look of court ruling and how family law in Canada "working" that exactly what happening ...

[fireweb13]

Because you are a walking bank machine, not a father anymore. You gave up all rights to being a father when you and your ex broke up.

[WorkingDAD]

Yea....
and than you read some studies which confirm that so many father gave up on kids because of all that pain and nothing left basically... And later by age 10 kid will hate both - mother for what she did to father and father for the fact he gave up and did not fight till his death ...

I barely has any memories about my father. In University I decided to go and meet with him after not saying him for more than 10 years. Also hoping he will give me some monies so I can eat twice a day at least... He did not even recognize me. After I showed him my passport and compare his family name and mine he finally realized who I am ... So we went to his home. Talk little bit. There was two little kids running around dirty and just painful to look at.
To his credit he gave me some monies even without me to ask. I would not ask by myself even dying...

I remember sitting there and really feeling that I just want to leave as soon as possible. In the same time I was asking my self really hard why I do not feel anything to this man. He is my father and I do not have any feelings toward him. I do not even hate him.

But my mom really helped me. She married man whom I did not call father even once for 12 years. And I remember another night when he came back from work drunk and decided that it's perfect time to show me some life lessons one more time trying to convince me that I am bastard (born without father) and show his physical superior against me (150 kg against ~50). So I have to retrieve. And retrieve fast. I throw my pants out thru open balcony door (because I would not have time to put them on) and climbing down from 3rd floor using balcony rails to the ground in my underwear. After found my pants and sit outside before he fall a sleep I promised my self if I ever should have a kid he should NEVER EVER EVER EVER go through this. I have to be there for him every time he need me....

Now here I am. Have to fight not only for him but for me as a kid because nobody fight for me. But I wanted it so bad on thous moments ...

That what still keep me going even understanding that it's killing me little by little and will come that moment when nothing will left - I meant literally nothing ...

[wretchedotis]

Because you are a walking bank machine, not a father anymore. You gave up all rights to being a father when you and your ex broke up.

And this is exactly the FEELING I'm talking about.

It's really not about money. It's about that I'm not apparently good enough to co-parent with. But damn, is my money ever good enough when she comes calling fot it.

Yes. I'm angry.
Justifiably so that I feel this way. IMHO.

[fireweb13]

WorkingDad,
It is sad that not much has changed from that time. I also told myself that I would always be there for my Daughter, and now it is a fight to even see her. It should not be this way.

[wretchedotis]

Yea....
and than you read some studies which confirm that so many father gave up on kids because of all that pain and nothing left basically... And later by age 10 kid will hate both - mother for what she did to father and father for the fact he gave up and did not fight till his death ...

I barely has any memories about my father. In University I decided to go and meet with him after not saying him for more than 10 years. Also hoping he will give me some monies so I can eat twice a day at least... He did not even recognize me. After I showed him my passport and compare his family name and mine he finally realized who I am ... So we went to his home. Talk little bit. There was two little kids running around dirty and just painful to look at.
To his credit he gave me some monies even without me to ask. I would not ask by myself even dying...

I remember sitting there and really feeling that I just want to leave as soon as possible. In the same time I was asking my self really hard why I do not feel anything to this man. He is my father and I do not have any feelings toward him. I do not even hate him.

But my mom really helped me. She married man whom I did not call father even once for 12 years. And I remember another night when he came back from work drunk and decided that it's perfect time to show me some life lessons one more time trying to convince me that I am bastard (born without father) and show his physical superior against me (150 kg against ~50). So I have to retrieve. And retrieve fast. I throw my pants out thru open balcony door (because I would not have time to put them on) and climbing down from 3rd floor using balcony rails to the ground in my underwear. After found my pants and sit outside before he fall a sleep I promised my self if I ever should have a kid he should NEVER EVER EVER EVER go through this. I have to be there for him every time he need me....

Now here I am. Have to fight not only for him but for me as a kid because nobody fight for me. But I wanted it so bad on thous moments ...

That what still keep me going even understanding that it's killing me little by little and will come that moment when nothing will left - I meant literally nothing ...

My father and Mother divorced when I was two, and then he died when I was eight. He was neveer really in my life (we lived in BC he lived in Ottawa), but he loved me and my sisters and when he was around times were happy.
Regardless, it was a very small window for a young boy to look through and watch what its like to be a man. To be a DAD.

No doubt, this is a huge reason why its so important to me that I be as involved in my Sons' life. And no doubt, this is also why I'm so offended that anyone may try to limit a 'Dad's' parenting role.

All I can do, WorkingDAD, and indeed all you can do too...
is be the best damn DAD you can be given the circumstances you find yourself in. Everything else is beyond our control.

But I do know my son will KNOW I was always there. That I never left him on his own without his DAD to look up to, ask questions of, and learn how to be a man from. Even if it is only every other week-end.

This is enough. I hope.

[WorkingDAD]

My father and Mother divorced when I was two, and then he died when I was eight. He was neveer really in my life (we lived in BC he lived in Ottawa), but he loved me and my sisters and when he was around times were happy.
Regardless, it was a very small window for a young boy to look through and watch what its like to be a man. To be a DAD.

No doubt, this is a huge reason why its so important to me that I be as involved in my Sons' life. And no doubt, this is also why I'm so offended that anyone may try to limit a 'Dad's' parenting role.

All I can do, WorkingDAD, and indeed all you can do too...
is be the best damn DAD you can be given the circumstances you find yourself in. Everything else is beyond our control.

But I do know my son will KNOW I was always there. That I never left him on his own without his DAD to look up to, ask questions of, and learn how to be a man from. Even if it is only every other week-end.

This is enough. I hope.

That obviously not enough but better than nothing I would say. And for sure much better than I had...

[WorkingDAD]

It seems you have captured the thrust of my post.
This sentiment is very true, in my opinion.
I'm not saying this is the way life is - but it sure FEELS like it sometimes.
And yes, it makes me a smaller man that it bothers me - but why fight so hard for SOLE custody without taking on SOLE responsability to pay for the kids glasses too?

And can guaranty if we would have law which state if one parent clam sole custody that parent take financial responsibilities mother would be fighting for dads to have joint custody claiming that kids need dads ....

I would bet on it!

[Rioe]

And can guaranty if we would have law which state if one parent clam sole custody that parent take financial responsibilities mother would be fighting for dads to have joint custody claiming that kids need dads ....

I would bet on it!

Tempted as I am to agree that this would be a good idea, it's just semantics. Sole custody doesn't take the DNA out of the child. And sole custody is mainly used for when one parent is unfit, so that would be incentive to abuse a child just to get out of paying.

[WorkingDAD]

Tempted as I am to agree that this would be a good idea, it's just semantics. Sole custody doesn't take the DNA out of the child. And sole custody is mainly used for when one parent is unfit, so that would be incentive to abuse a child just to get out of paying.

Are you kidding me?
I have OCL report sing that I am a good father. That I and mom both love our son. That there is close bond between me and him (considering the fact I have hours with him) and still recommendation Sole custody to mom... because of hi conflict what she actually created...

What I was trying to tell that when one parent claim SOLE custody and does not let another being a parent this parent should take FULL responsibilities too... At least it should be as option...

If one parent want JOINT custody and another do not want to have anything to do with kid yea that parent still have to have fin responsibilities ...

Just keep in mind woman has EXCLUSIVE right to not have any responsibilities if she do not want to have a child. I mean NOBODY and NOTHING can stop her from NOT HAVING A CHILD IN HER LIFE IF SHE DO NOT WANT TO. But man does not have anything even close to it... that just another thing to think about....

[wretchedotis]

And sole custody is mainly used for when one parent is unfit, so that would be incentive to abuse a child just to get out of paying.

Totally disagree.
I have an OCL report just as WorkingDAD does. In it, he states that there is no real "best" choice as to whom custody should be awarded to. We both Love the boy, and are both good parents. Yet, due to high conflict (as in WorkingDADS situation - My ex creates conflict), the best choice should be for one parent to have sole custody.
For no particular reason - he chose MOM.
Well - I guess actually the reason was she was pregnant with another child fom another man(since born), and he felt our boy should be part of that family dynamic.

I was asking for 50/50. Not full custody. She wanted full.
An agreement could not be reached - and conflict ensued.
As a result of the conflict - I lost.

Or more accurately... as a result of created conflict - my ex was able to manipulate what she wanted out of the situation.

I'll thank-you very much to not assume I am UNFIT as I do not have joint custody.

[fireweb13]

OCL report outlined how my ex was causing conflict and so was her new boyfriend, stated how my fiancee and I do alot of volunteer work and are active in our daughters school life and with her doctor and all that stuff. Wrote that during our daughters interview our daughter told her that " daddy M was her real daddy, that is what mommy says" I am not daddy M. I can quote many more parts that are disturbing as well and they still recommended soul custody to mom with visitation to me cause of the conflict which is created by my ex. Soul Custody should be when 1 parent is unfit, but it is used when there is even the smallest suspicion of conflict even if it is only 1 sided.

[WorkingDAD]

Totally disagree.
I have an OCL report just as WorkingDAD does. In it, he states that there is no real "best" choice as to whom custody should be awarded to. We both Love the boy, and are both good parents. Yet, due to high conflict (as in WorkingDADS situation - My ex creates conflict), the best choice should be for one parent to have sole custody.
For no particular reason - he chose MOM.
Well - I guess actually the reason was she was pregnant with another child fom another man(since born), and he felt our boy should be part of that family dynamic.

I was asking for 50/50. Not full custody. She wanted full.
An agreement could not be reached - and conflict ensued.
As a result of the conflict - I lost.

Or more accurately... as a result of created conflict - my ex was able to manipulate what she wanted out of the situation.

I'll thank-you very much to not assume I am UNFIT as I do not have joint custody.

Well in my case OCL stated that because mom was primary caregiver... And nobody care that she blocked access to going status quo...And that primary caregiver another thing is another bullshit... I did wrote in some posts already what I do think about that...

I did not ask sole too. I want Joint (education and med for me) with parallel parenting plan.

to be more specific here is text from OCL report

Overall, both Mrs. Mom and Mr. Dad obviously care and love there son. While they have verbally indicated that they want to have a pleasant relationship which is conflict free for child's sake, neither party has demonstrated the ability to put this into practice. Mrs. Mom and Mr. Dad have brought their dispute before the courts as they are unable to come together for their child' s sake and agree on a parenting plan for child. They have resorted to considerable personal attacks upon one another and have involved the police and Children's Aid in an effort to escalate the dispute and further their own positions. The potential for future emotional harm to child's is present if these parents do not resolve their differences expeditiously and amicably.

And keep in mind
1. She filed Application to the court - I did not even knew
2. I did not call CAS - she did and police did after one event with her stepfather
3. I called police twice - she 12 times if I remember properly

and not to forget she did it ONLY AFTER I GOT MARRIED... One week after to be honest...