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I have been trying to move from Nova Scotia to Alberta with my two children. Their father had me served an hour before I was to fly out with them, restricting me to leave. My oldest (12) has since told me she wishes to stay here. I make more than my ex husband, so I will have to pay him close to $700 a month in CSP. I will be 5000km away and I have a feeling he won't be rushing to the table to offer to help with the travel expenses...He refuses to even talk to me now, saying this is too big for him and he needs to seek council, although he says he wants the kids. When I wanted to take the kids with me (which is what I really want, but the oldest now doenst want to go), I offered him block access, 10 days in March, 10 days in Dec and the entire summer 100% on me. All the web camming, internet, and phone access he wanted as welll as a trip on me to come see the kids. He never responded. I asked him several times to go to concilliation concerning these issues...no response. He found out when I was leaving with them (there was no mobility clause in my custody agreement) and had me served an hour before I was to leave with the kids (not quite sure how he found out). I will never be able to afford to live if I have to pay him and then save $500 a month to pay for airfare for them. What if anything, can I do here other than stay here as a prisoner like it seems he wants (He says in his interim order that he wants the kids to stay with mother in this community that we now live in and not be allowed to leave the 'island' (Cape Breton) let alone the Province of NS. This is so rediculous. Someone pleeaase help!
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Seems you find yourself in quite the predicment. There are many posts of similar nature here. It would appear perhaps you may need an order to get some relief on the travel costs for the children. unfortunately it is you who has decided to make the move therefore you will likely need to present some pretty valid reasons to a judge to have sympathy. (if they ever have that) -
If I am not mistaken it is very common to not be permitted to leave a certain area, ie: province with the children. Given that you had tried to leave once prior would likely help his cause to have a judgement to keep the children close to home until mobility and custody issues are settled. I would imagine you now must go forth with applications towards mobility and/or custody.Comment
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Yes, he has done that...and Im willing to leave the kids if this is what they choose. BUT now, the issue is to ensure I see them, and I need to know what I can do to get his help on that financially...Comment
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p.s. There was no order stating I couldnt go with them. There was nothing in our agreement saying anything pertaining to mobility or going on vacation out of the province or whatever...Comment
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p.s. They are not your kids and you had to right to take them. You need an order to take them, not to stop you from taking them.Originally posted by muscle_woman View Post
You are willing to move 5000 km away from your young children, or to move them 5000km away from their father. I don't respect your ideas of what it means to be a parent (a job of two). Essentially you are causing the abandonment of your children by one of their parents - probably a recipe for screwing them up. Nice.Comment
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They are my kids and you have no idea what the circumstances are or were...
Remember...don't judge lest ye be judged...Comment
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I think the person who moves away with the kids should pay 100% of the costs. It is your choice to move to AB to move in with your boyfriend, you should have to live with the consequences. The way the law is now, the NCP pays. In our case, she moved away with the kids and we've had to pay 100% of the access costs for 7 years. Doesn't seem right, making US PAY for HER choices.Comment
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With all due respect though...is she paying you child support? I will be paying him enought to afford a mortgage, which will leave me pretty well broke. When the shoe was on the other foot (and his payment is quite a bit lower than mine will be), I offered to pay the whole shot as well as a free trip for him. To me, it wasn't about the who's and what's it was about ensuring the children got to see their dad...AND I was not moving solely to be with my fiance...the main motivator was to make a much better life for my children. My oldest wanted to attend acting school (which is not available here at ALL), I had them both enrolled in the best ballet school (they have danced since they were 3) and the best french immersion school there (my oldest wants to pursue this as a second language). I will make more there, we will have a better home to live in there and they would have actually seen their dad more, only in blocks with no expense to him (he only sees them one day a week and this didn't change on his wishes when he filed his interim order. He also says on it that he wants them to remain with ME), soo, these are parts of things I mean when I say you don't know all details, and these are only some. I was just hoping someone had been in a similar situation who could help me with some info. I want to keep my children with me (but won't force them to ever not try a turn with dad).Comment
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Well, I sure wish you were my husbands ex! My husband does pay child support and 100% of flights and 90% of "extras" (and these are very high right now). It leaves him with very little after tax income, and he has a med-high paying job! If it weren't for me I honestly don't think he be able to pay even just the "basic" bills everyone has in life.
His ex has not contributed to the airfare for over 6 years and doesn't offer us anything in the way of a deal. He still pays her CS for the months the girls are here in the summer, and she goes on childless vacations on us. You sound reasonable and that you understand kids need relationships with both parents and that it doesn't make sense to take this away from kids for a little money. Both people have to make concessions to make it work when one parent moves away, and work together for the kids. Good luck, hope you can get some sort of airfare sharing in place.Comment
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Thank you...
The whole thing was not to take the kids away from their dad, but to give them a better life...and be able to prepare for their futures based on their passions and desires! My fiance IS a motivator, but he isn't the main one. The kids see their dad one day a week and he never even had that changed in his interim order, he still wants them to live with me and still only see them one day a week, he just wants me to never be able to move anywhere...He left the day after our 14th anniversary and was living with his gf three months later, which is where he is now in an 850 sq two bedroom house with her two children. When my children are there, they share this tiny bedroom with his gf's children and sleep on a futon. For the first year he was taking my kids there (unknown to me), my kids were sleeping on a concrete floor on an air matrass while everyone else slept in their cozy beds. When I found out, I told him he wasn't to have the kids again till he had proper sleeping arrangements for them. This is what I mean when I say for ppl not to judge cause they don't know all the circumstances...I pay 100% of extra costs, every cent he gives me goes to my kids...every cent. I provide a life for my kids that all six figure income families in this neighborhood provide for their kids, all on my own. I can give them even more if I am permitted to move...and he will have them MORE than he does now all at my expense! I just want the opportunity to give them the lives they deserve AND be allowed to move on and be happy as well. I don't think that's being selfish and a bad mom at all...Comment
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I do have one question, where were you going with the kids when he stopped you by way of court order one hour prior to departure. You stated that you have no idea how he found out. On the face of it it appears you were taking off with the kids, obviously I may may have misread. I also do not have mobility cluases in my court order and I have 50/50 custody, regardless if my week or not I always as a matter of consideration let my childrens Mom know where we are going if we have anything special planned such as trip. I do not require a court order ot make me do this. (as a side note we had a really bad bad bad break up) regardless they are my childrens Mom. Whats the deal here?Comment
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I was home...and he was told I was going, he just didn't want me to go...the kids wanted to go...he just doesnt want me to go anywhere...Comment
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In all fairness to him and of course I am sure it is much more complicated than what has been stated here, is it possible he felt you may not return with the kids given your offers of web cam, extra time, paying for travel etc. Oh and also the fact he was unaware of the trip.Originally posted by muscle_woman View Post
If so perhaps his actions are not so unreasonable to protect his access to the children you share.Comment
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I emailed him..my daughter wrote him a letter...I actually asked him to come to talk to us, he was here three days prior...he doesn't listen...and he doesn't put the kids wishes before his own...the kids were begging him...and the youngest was in hysterics, it really is quite sad.Comment
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