to confront or not

[rockscan]

ok meeting with a lawyer tomorrow..what questions should i be asking in my situation..
again the situation..wife the other day on a text told me she wants a seperation..we have not legally done a seperation with a lawyer as of yet..
again we been married 18 yrs,,have teenage son..house approx 1.3 million mortgage free..both been working the whole marriage..she makes 135000 i make 68000
going into marriage both of us had little savings on bank account...now she has approx im guessing 120000 in savings,,i have 15000 in savings..
couple of scenerios weve talked about,,,we both cant buy each other out,,,plan maybe sell house split and both move to a condo,,will have joint custody,,one week son with i and one week son with her...other scenerio ..to help our finances..we both live in the house for another 2-3 yrs til son is out of highschool a she wants him close to school and friends,,,

so from what i wrote,,what questions should i be asking lawyer tomorrow
thanks

1. What should I do immediately and in a few months.
2. What things should I be thinking about immediately and in a few months?
3. What documents should I be collecting?

Right now you are worried about money and you are at least a few months away from that. You should be focusing on your emotional state and making smart decisions. Do a deep dive in this forum for your topics, spousal, pension, support, equalization.

Your questions to the lawyer could also be asking for them to outline the rules on equalization. It is too simplistic to say half of everything. If you live in Ontario, download the financial statement form and start filling it out. That will help you. Also, go room by room and make a list of everything and potential worth. She may be telling you she wants to stay as a way to keep you calm and not see what she might be removing from the home.

If the lawyer you see doesn't feel right then see another. Your research through the forum and on divorce/separation will help you understand what you are and aren't entitled to. Some lawyers will spend all your money doing things you dont need.

[rockscan]

ok meeting with a lawyer tomorrow..what questions should i be asking in my situation..
again the situation..wife the other day on a text told me she wants a seperation..we have not legally done a seperation with a lawyer as of yet..
again we been married 18 yrs,,have teenage son..house approx 1.3 million mortgage free..both been working the whole marriage..she makes 135000 i make 68000
going into marriage both of us had little savings on bank account...now she has approx im guessing 120000 in savings,,i have 15000 in savings..
couple of scenerios weve talked about,,,we both cant buy each other out,,,plan maybe sell house split and both move to a condo,,will have joint custody,,one week son with i and one week son with her...other scenerio ..to help our finances..we both live in the house for another 2-3 yrs til son is out of highschool a she wants him close to school and friends,,,

so from what i wrote,,what questions should i be asking lawyer tomorrow
thanks

1. What should I do immediately and in a few months.
2. What things should I be thinking about immediately and in a few months?
3. What documents should I be collecting?

Right now you are worried about money and you are at least a few months away from that. You should be focusing on your emotional state and making smart decisions. Do a deep dive in this forum for your topics, spousal, pension, support, equalization.

Your questions to the lawyer could also be asking for them to outline the rules on equalization. It is too simplistic to say half of everything. If you live in Ontario, download the financial statement form and start filling it out. That will help you. Also, go room by room and make a list of everything and potential worth. She may be telling you she wants to stay as a way to keep you calm and not see what she might be removing from the home.

If the lawyer you see doesn't feel right then see another. Your research through the forum and on divorce/separation will help you understand what you are and aren't entitled to. Some lawyers will spend all your money doing things you dont need.

[jays2017]

concerning pension when it comes to seperation divorce

only thing i brought to the marriage was a pension
i have been paying into my pension at work 28 years,,been married 18
do they split the whole pension that i have now or do they pro rated it for the 18 yrs ,,of which we have been married
thanks

[jays2017]

ok meeting with a lawyer t

[blinkandimgone]

right now i stay in the one bedroom upstirs most of the time..she stays most of the time in living room,,,obviously we cross paths while i use the kitchen or go the backyard,,but its tough and she does not say any words to i...

This is not a healthy living situation for your son.

Selling the house and moving to two seperate places may be difficult financially, but it's in the best interests of your son to see each of you thriving in your own lives and having healthy relationships rather than him living in the tension between the two of you for rhe next 3 years.

[rockscan]

You're hurt, angry and disappointed which are all understandable at the moment. You need to just let it go and ignore her. Pretend she doesnt exist. The therapy will be beneficial. Start organizing your financial info and details on the house, loans, investments etc. You will need to start thinking about finding a lawyer so maybe ask friends or look around. If it is this painful now then three years will not be an option.

[jays2017]

Stop listening in on her calls. It's not your business. And if she considers you separated, who she sees is none of your business. Why would you need to confront her?

Are you able to move into the basement or can she? That way you would have separate areas.

Staying in the house that long is unreasonable especially if it upsets you that she is moving on. You may need to start looking at your options. If you continue to live in the house then there would be no need for support but a split of expenses. You may want to look at what the household expenses are and what you both contribute.

right now i stay in the one bedroom upstirs most of the time..she stays most of the time in living room,,,obviously we cross paths while i use the kitchen or go the backyard,,but its tough and she does not say any words to i...

[rockscan]

Stop listening in on her calls. It's not your business. And if she considers you separated, who she sees is none of your business. Why would you need to confront her?

Are you able to move into the basement or can she? That way you would have separate areas.

Staying in the house that long is unreasonable especially if it upsets you that she is moving on. You may need to start looking at your options. If you continue to live in the house then there would be no need for support but a split of expenses. You may want to look at what the household expenses are and what you both contribute.

[jays2017]

Canada has no fault divorce so none of this information would help you in your divorce process.

Is it crampy? Definitely, but the only thing to come from confronting her is the fighting guaranteed to come of it.

If you've agreed to seperate, then do that, live your seperate lives even while stuck under the same roof and get out as soon as possible. There is no benefit to fighting or prolonging things.

you mentioned

live your seperate lives even while stuck under the same roof and get out as soon as possible

even though its been a few days

[jays2017]

Its not worth it. Let it go. As terrible as it is to divorce, why would you want to be with someone who doesnt love you?

Spousal will be a no most likely. Unless you gave up your career to support hers, it isn't given. Her making more money means nothing.

Child support will be offset depending on your child's situation. If they go away to school support is only the summer. If stay home it is offset and if she makes more than she pays you.

Start turning your mind to considering what assets you have and finding a lawyer. Moving forward will help you cope.

thanks for the response..

[rockscan]

Its not worth it. Let it go. As terrible as it is to divorce, why would you want to be with someone who doesnt love you?

Spousal will be a no most likely. Unless you gave up your career to support hers, it isn't given. Her making more money means nothing.

Child support will be offset depending on your child's situation. If they go away to school support is only the summer. If stay home it is offset and if she makes more than she pays you.

Start turning your mind to considering what assets you have and finding a lawyer. Moving forward will help you cope.

[jays2017]

thanks for response

[blinkandimgone]

Canada has no fault divorce so none of this information would help you in your divorce process.

Is it crampy? Definitely, but the only thing to come from confronting her is the fighting guaranteed to come of it.

If you've agreed to seperate, then do that, live your seperate lives even while stuck under the same roof and get out as soon as possible. There is no benefit to fighting or prolonging things.

[jays2017]

to confront or not

wife and i of 18 yrs ,
thoughts