Cost babysitter

[guydeluxe2018]

Hi,

I have an interim order access only on Thursday overnight to Friday morning, 3rd weekend of the Month Fri-Monday. My ex sent me the following text:

"Its looks like 1st week of summer holiday wk od june 26th
Most camps wld have not have opened even martial arts
They open the week after

The camps available are offering half days 9-12 (for reasonable price) then what after coz we work.
Full day $435 eg Idea labs

I suggest we need to slipt the child care that week 2 1/2days each)

Eg
Mum -Mon - wed up 12pm so i can go to work

Dad
Wed 12pm to Friday 4pm drop"

The days she is assigning me I am scheduled to work, I have asked for cost for babysitter during the 2 days the child is with me,and she has refused to contribute and states I have to pay, what am wondering is those days are not my parenting time, she wants me to babysit during the day and drop off the child at her place at 4pm should I be paying for this cost ?

[rockscan]

Well you could turn around and tell her you want to stick to the schedule and only take your ordered parenting time and then pay your share of her child care costs for the week OR you can try to work it so you get the extra time with your kids.

Are you not entitled to vacation time? Can you use it for the days to be with your kids?

[noteasy]

Well, using up all a persons vacation time here and there to babysit doesn't sound feasible, vacation is finite.

I am having trouble understanding the messages. It sounds like she simply wants you to pay 1/2 of child care costs for that week and that would be an s7 expense you are supposed to contribute towards. She is asking for your agreement to send them to the camp at that rate.

[rockscan]

Well, using up all a persons vacation time here and there to babysit doesn't sound feasible, vacation is finite.

I am having trouble understanding the messages. It sounds like she simply wants you to pay 1/2 of child care costs for that week and that would be an s7 expense you are supposed to contribute towards. She is asking for your agreement to send them to the camp at that rate.

So you are against using vacation time to spend it with your kids? His ex is basically offering him additional time with his kids but he doesn't want to take the time off?

Camp doesn't run the week she is looking for help. The kids need someone for half the time.

[noteasy]

So you are against using vacation time to spend it with your kids? His ex is basically offering him additional time with his kids but he doesn't want to take the time off?

Camp doesn't run the week she is looking for help. The kids need someone for half the time.

That is a might high horse you are on.

I do not know the values of the OP or why they do not have 50/50 or if they want more.
I do know that vacation time is valuable for mental health, can't be a good parent if you are stressed out.

If the other parent needed more help perhaps they should have went 50/50 with the child?
Perhaps the other parent should use up their vacation time and offer other more valuable time to the OP.

Perhaps the OP can use this to bargain for more time if they want it.

The OP does not have 50/50 for a reason, I don't know what that reason is but their should be no shame in not being cut out for parenting or not wanting to help their ex.

[rockscan]

That is a might high horse you are on.

I do not know the values of the OP or why they do not have 50/50 or if they want more.
I do know that vacation time is valuable for mental health, can't be a good parent if you are stressed out.

If the other parent needed more help perhaps they should have went 50/50 with the child?
Perhaps the other parent should use up their vacation time and offer other more valuable time to the OP.

Perhaps the OP can use this to bargain for more time if they want it.

The OP does not have 50/50 for a reason, I don't know what that reason is but their should be no shame in not being cut out for parenting or not wanting to help their ex.

Wow, just wow.

If you want more time with your kid then you take what you can get and you make it work. If you have vacation time then you use it to spend time with your kid. If you don't want to do that and instead want it for yourself then you pay a share of daycare.

Go and read people's previous posts to learn more about why they are in the situation they are in rather than making uninformed comments and attacking other posters.

[noteasy]

This is rockscan attacking someone: "So you are against using vacation time to spend it with your kids? His ex is basically offering him additional time with his kids but he doesn't want to take the time off?"

The original poster's question was about paying for babysitting costs but you went to turn it into something else. He has to work, he has to live, his ex is high-conflict and make unilateral decisions which means she is controlling and attempting to do so here. Did you not read this post? Did you forget the other posts?

He needs the baby sitting item addressed.

[rockscan]

This is rockscan attacking someone: "So you are against using vacation time to spend it with your kids? His ex is basically offering him additional time with his kids but he doesn't want to take the time off?"

The original poster's question was about paying for babysitting costs but you went to turn it into something else. He has to work, he has to live, his ex is high-conflict and make unilateral decisions which means she is controlling and attempting to do so here. Did you not read this post? Did you forget the other posts?

He needs the baby sitting item addressed.

Actually, your first response in this thread was what I was referring to when noting vacation was needed for mental health. I answered his question on child care. I also know OP is fighting for 50/50 with someone who makes unilateral decisions and withholds the child. When you are dealing with someone like that and it involves more time that you are fighting for, you do what you have to do and take the extra time. If that includes vacation, you give up alone time to be with your kid. If he doesn't and mom needs child care to work as it is her time, he has to pay for it.

[noteasy]

Actually, your first response in this thread was what I was referring to when noting vacation was needed for mental health. I answered his question on child care. I also know OP is fighting for 50/50 with someone who makes unilateral decisions and withholds the child. When you are dealing with someone like that and it involves more time that you are fighting for, you do what you have to do and take the extra time. If that includes vacation, you give up alone time to be with your kid. If he doesn't and mom needs child care to work as it is her time, he has to pay for it.

Been there done that. If he can rearrange his work schedule that will work otherwise this will wear him down.
Bending to the will of a bully doesn't work it simply makes them look elsewhere to cause problems for them.
He knows his limits and the OCL put it at 50/50 and so it looks like it will be that.
If he takes this deal he is likely stuck with it forever, not a good deal forever the mother has to step up.

Asking that for time + more might be a good trade off.

Can we get back to his question?

[rockscan]

Been there done that. If he can rearrange his work schedule that will work otherwise this will wear him down.
Bending to the will of a bully doesn't work it simply makes them look elsewhere to cause problems for them.
He knows his limits and the OCL put it at 50/50 and so it looks like it will be that.
If he takes this deal he is likely stuck with it forever, not a good deal forever the mother has to step up.

Asking that for time + more might be a good trade off.

Can we get back to his question?

I answered his question. There is no care for the kid between school ending and camp starting. She said they should split the time to avoid any costs. To solve his problem easily he says he wants to stick to the order which means mom will need childcare and he will have to pay his share of it.

He wants 50/50. It doesn't matter what OCL says, if he rejects her offer of more time then he makes himself look bad. Anyone on this forum will tell you to take the extra time and do what you have to do. If that means taking vacation so be it. It isn't giving in to a bully or being dictated to. The kid needs care. Either they work together or he pays for child care.

[noteasy]

I am not someone to you. You speak for everyone. Got it.
Internet forum bully identified.
Thank goodness this forum isn't the end all and be all of Family Law.

I have read some REALLY bad advice on here.

[rockscan]

I am not someone to you. You speak for everyone. Got it.
Internet forum bully identified.
Thank goodness this forum isn't the end all and be all of Family Law.

I have read some REALLY bad advice on here.

Feel free to see yourself out. You seem to feel you know everything anyway, not sure why you're here.

[noteasy]

Feel free to see yourself out. You seem to feel you know everything anyway, not sure why you're here.

high conflict Internet forum bully tells someone they can leave.

[blinkandimgone]

Asking questions isn't bullying someone, and we're not going to have threads derailed because you've taken a personal issue with someone. If you feel there's an issue, use the report button rather than derailing the thread, it is possible to disagree with someone or have an opposing opinion without hijacking a thread. You can also use the ignore function so you don't have to read opinions that differ from yours.

Considering how you seem to feel about the forum, and lawyers in general (ironic, Considering where you're posting), maybe it IS time to reconsider if this is the space for you.

[noteasy]

There are no questions asked that prompted the "bullying" moniker.


There as this put forward by the other responder:

So you are against using vacation time to spend it with your kids? His ex is basically offering him additional time with his kids but he doesn't want to take the time off?

If the above quote does not sound hostile to you maybe think about asking this this way in front of a judge and then claiming to be seeking an amicable resolution, I don't see the other party taking it well.