Fro

[littleman]

my ex is now 4 months behind in support......he has apparently made arrangements yet again (first ones were not kept).....these arrangements are absolutely ridiculous......apparently FRO has agreed to a 14 month arrangement with him..........why is that fair to my child.........but the ex still wants visitation rights and access to our child without helping financially to raise the child..........can I dispute their arrangements........I think they are ridiculous and totally unfair to my child..........

[phoenix]

I know how hard it can be when the other parent is behind in support payments, trust me... however it is important to remember that child support payments are not "payment to see the child" like paying to get in to a movie. It is still important (given it is not an abusive relationship) that the non-custodial parent continue to see their child.

I don't know if it helps... but maybe you could look at his visitations as a break for you at least. My ex never takes the kids, I'd dearly LOVE a break.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

The right to access and payment of CS do not go hand in hand.
No matter how terrible that sounds or how strapped you are for cash to pay bills or provide for the children.
If the arrangements are not satisfactory in your eyes I'd take it to court, but do not take the law into your own hands and deny access. As this will only look bad on you and make you out to be money focused not child focused.

This is something that should not under any circumstances be heard or reflected onto the children. They have every right to have time with the other parent, take it to the court to dispute. If the courts share your views they will over turn the arrangement made between your ex and FRO.

[littleman]

think you have this situation misconstrude for sure......like I said in my original post I wish he would sign off ......KEEP HIS LOUSY SUPPORT....and get out of our lives....I understand the break but I love ny child and honestly hate to see my child go there.....my concern is that the ex has a very bad driving record and really doesnt care about his child the way I do......I am not strapped for cash at all its more the frustration that I am dealing with, his lies and the general BS he has put me and my child through.......I said that I thought maybe he shouldnt have my child for the MArch Break......I wasnt denying access at all.......as an aside there was no arrangement between the ex and I he is under court order.....I took him to court for sole custody (self represented) and won........I have never been in this for the money.......oh thats right what money...remember he hasnt paid support for 4 months now.......my only question in my original post was can I dispute the arrangements that FRO has agreed to???

[phoenix]

I keep re-reading your first post and I don't see where you said he can keep his support...

think you have this situation misconstrude for sure......like I said in my original post I wish he would sign off ......KEEP HIS LOUSY SUPPORT

Well, I'm not understanding something again then... if he can keep his support, why are you so upset that he is behind in it?

my concern is that the ex has a very bad driving record and really doesnt care about his child the way I do

Now that is very different. If you TRULY believe that your child's safety is at stake, then you need to bring that before the court with your concerns and your evidence.

my only question in my original post was can I dispute the arrangements that FRO has agreed to???

I don't know the answer to that one... have you spoken to the FRO and asked them? Again, though, if money isn't the issue, why do you feel you need to dispute this arrangement he has made? I'm not getting this...

[littleman]

its because that money goes to my child not to me.......thats the only reason Im upset with his lousy arrangements......I didnt say verbatum that he could keep his lousy support......(read between the lines...others have....) Im upset on behalf of my child.....as I always have been with the ex.....everything I do is for my child soley and his well being.....

[phoenix]

(read between the lines...others have....)

No... I try my best not to do that. I've been on message boards for too long to do that. I simply wanted to be clear on what you were saying. It's not my intention to offend you, I'm just trying to get your information straight so that perhaps I can help. Trust me, I'm a single mom too -- with an exasperating ex too.

Im upset on behalf of my child.....as I always have been with the ex.....everything I do is for my child soley and his well being.....

Perhaps you could take solace in knowing that if you are able to financially provide for your child, then your child will have no idea that "dad" isn't paying. Unless you TELL your child that daddy is a deadbeat, he/she has no reason to be upset.

Again, I suggest you call the FRO if you have a problem with their repayment schedule. If there is an action you can take, they'd be the best people to tell you.

If you are genuinely concerned for your child's safety when he/she is with your ex, then I urge you to take action on that.

[standing on the sidelines]

gotta argree with phoenix about the reading between the lines. That leads to mnisunderstanding and jumping to conclusions.

Why not allow supervised access until your ex gets a handle on his problems? As for your comment that your ex doesn't really care as much for the child as you do I have heard that so many times when people are spitting. I do not know the nature of his issues so I cannot comment on your situation. There are always two sides to every situation.

I really hope that this issue is resolved with what is best for the child. Good luck to you.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

my ex is now 4 months behind in support......he has apparently made arrangements yet again (first ones were not kept).....these arrangements are absolutely ridiculous......apparently FRO has agreed to a 14 month arrangement with him..........why is that fair to my child.........but the ex still wants visitation rights and access to our child without helping financially to raise the child..........can I dispute their arrangements........I think they are ridiculous and totally unfair to my child..........

When I made my original comment it was based on the actual post, no made up info.
You indicated that he was behind in CS yet he still wanted access without providing financially. I suggested that if you felt that the arrangement was not ok that you could seek a court order to void the arrangement that FRO made with him. And I cautioned against making any changes to access on your own. And that was all I was saying. If you are not happy with the arrangement, and he is behind on court ordered CS your only recourse is to return to court to get the FRO's arrangement voided.

There is no mention what so ever about you not wanting his money, and wishing he'd just go away, and from your post one couldn't even read that between the lines. Not even if one had a vivid imagination could one have read that into your post.

I apologize for trying to help.

FL

[littleman]

I think I should be the one apologizing for my response.......you guys are only trying to help and give me a shoulder to lean on or a window to yell out of.....my frustration with this situation is beyond normal.......the reason my child knows is because support payments go to his bank account.....not to me......and he asks......Im not going to lie to my child for my ex....I think the father does enough of that for many people.......Im not going to cover for him ever again.......he should be a man and face his child and attempt to tell the truth (then again he wouldnt know that iif it bit him in the a$$)..so again my apologies for snapping at everyone......and I do value your advice and your "ears".......my bad........

[standing on the sidelines]

That is okay. I think everyone reaches the end of their rope in life on different things other then divorce. I think we are all probably guilty of losing it at one time or another. Separation is a very emotional issue especially when both parties doe not lve up to their responsibilities.

[logicalvelocity]

This thread is an awesome example of collaborative discussions and demonstrates the strength of the forum and its members. Kudos all

lv

[standing on the sidelines]

Ahww shucks lv that was very nice to say

[dadtotheend]

Littleman, no offense but please go back and re-read you posts. How many times did you say "my" child (100%) vs "our" (0%) child?

No matter what you think of Dad now, and maybe rightly so, you both had your child together.

Even if he's a total whack, he's still your son's Dad.

I often catch myself in that one. Your son comes from both of you.

[phoenix]

Oh blah... IMO that's a >>>tad<<< nit-picky... sheesh, it's her child and she's posting on a message board for some help.