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The saga continues…and this is not a Star Wars day post

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  • The saga continues…and this is not a Star Wars day post

    So we served ex with a form 20 (request for disclosure)

    Basic facts on litigation, ex and her lawyers (all 3) have always refused to engage in any form of discussion bc of how insane the adjustments are

    I offered to mediate this issue as we were able to use this service to settle a big chunk of child side of file. Since that time though, her behaviour has decompensated significantly and she is very hostile.

    I reached out to the mediator and was informed they would contact her. Last night she sent an email stating “I will not mediate”

    So basically, we will need to do a motion for financial even just her bank account records to ensure she isn’t getting cash support and ensure she was not cyphoning money from our bank account pre separation

    She cannot afford to litigate. Is there a mechanism I can ask at this motion to ensure stall and delay tactics cease and this matter ordered to mediation or arbitration.

  • #2
    Your ex isnt going to go quietly into that good night so stop trying to understand or deduce reason in anything. File a motion for disclosure and get the documents. Then file to move the case forward and end it. All you are doing is spending your equalization.


    • #3
      Oh I know she will go down swinging

      My question pertains to your comment of “file to move the case forward”

      What do I do exactly and can that relief be sought at motion for disclosure

      I am prepared that some of requested disclosure will need to be subject to questioning bc she will lie in affidavit
      But like at what point can the courts force her to arrange securities because if she goes all kamikaze and doesn’t have money now…


      • #4
        Ask Stillpaying, he moved his case forward with a heel dragging ex.


        • #5
          OP's only option is trial. Continue your conference journey to get to trial asap. You'll either settle right before or a judge will decide, but resolution is there.
          Motion for disclosure, push for trial at conferences.


          • #6

            I think I’ll get disclosure motion

            Ask to be given monthly updates on her being reinstated

            She did send an email saying she will refuse mediation

            I will ask for an advance of my money from house since she has no claim and the adjustments are so lopsided

            If someone is paying the legal bills I will push for securities if she insists on a kamikaze approach

            When I do get my cost award I can basically try to use that to push the issue of securities or make it payable through fro
            Unfortunately I likely will have to bankrupt her if she insists on going this way


            • #7
              Court is the only option for many. It's not a kamikaze mission because you won't give in to ex and would rather a judge decide. Same for ex. Stop focusing on ex; she has free lawyers available for trial. Focus on getting to resolution asap.


              • #8
                Where it’s kamikaze is that the numbers are so skewed and she cannot cover what she owes. We’ve presented the numbers and they are very simple

                She’s already had imputted income pre trial, so she needs to get to work

                I asked to mediate the finances, figure a way to keep her from bankruptcy and give her chance to get back on her feet, I told her all this..but she wants to fight.

                I would basically be leaving 50k plus on the table..but she wants to fight


                • #9
                  You care too much about what she is doing financially. Take care of yourself. If she loses and has to pay, she can get out and get a job like the rest of us.


                  • #10
                    I have to care about what she does financially because I do not want to cripple myself financially.

                    It is cheaper to settle but it has to make sense either to a mediator, an arbitrator and then a judge

                    What will a judge say, okay support to be reviewed in x years and she will pay back 2500 in credits monthly...its all a wash

                    My biggest curiosity is how she can still pay her lawyer...if someone else is then it is considered support and taking out some of her "need"


                    • #11
                      How are you crippling yourself financially? If she ends up owing you money then you can argue it comes off monthly ss. If she cant pay her lawyers, thats on her.

                      Her financial mess she is creating is not used for need with respect to ss. The need relates to her basic financial needs. Not paying for lawyers and your costs awards.

                      And if she wont mediate, you cant make her. Arbitration is not guaranteed either. So you push for trial and get a decision.


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Kkc View Post
                        I have to care about what she does financially because I do not want to cripple myself financially.

                        It is cheaper to settle but it has to make sense either to a mediator, an arbitrator and then a judge
                        The law gives your ex the right to be willfully stupid and spiteful. You have tried enough and you will feel better once you accept the reality of what your ex is. Stop torturing yourself and mount up.

                        Of course you are concerned about her finances. Her finances still affect yours and those you care for but ultimately beyond simply telling her that it doesn't make sense to fight this in court because one of you is going to loose big time and you are afraid of X. That is it, end of negotiation.

                        Mediation, arbitration; she is stupid and doesn't care about this stuff on top of that do you really think she is willing to accept a mediator going against what she says she wants given her personality, nope. More wasted money.

                        Tell her the arbitration is there, take away mediation and go for the trail. Do it as cheaply as possible.

                        Pick the best of 2 bad options.


                        • #13
                          I appreciate the above, and yes that is happening
                          it is all a stall and delay tactic

                          Essentially, I have not been provided with disclosure, so I have no clue about anything of hers. That is one problem family law hates, especially when you can prove foul play.

                          After that, I will push for mediation, if she refuses, I will plan questioning and settlement conference with the offer, maybe in the interim try to get a judge to take over the case to help expedite this

                          I have a large pending cost award that would be FRO enforceable. If family are paying her legal bills and she cannot pay cost, I go back and put into FRO and make her arrange securities so family would have to cover my cost.

                          I had this talk at work, I do appreciate the notion of offer to settle, but unfortunately when the other party will never be satisfied and constantly demand more and more, what can I do honestly, and demand that I barely see my kids, it is a no win situation (except for lawyers)


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