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  • offer to settle out finances

    after 3 years we finally have objective measures of income division

    the judge adjudicate that we have been shared parenting with 50/50 NDI

    To change this prospectively or retroactively will be tough, which is good for me

    The raw numbers: (for the sake of argument, assume my numbers are correct)
    EP 120-150K my way
    Accounting of moneys (we had nesting agreement where she spent every dollar despite there being an agreement on this): 25K to me

    Just call it down the middle and say this is 150k my way.

    CS credit: 12-25k my way (likely 12 as I suspect she wont get retro imputation) (can be applied prospectively)

    ss: credit 75k (again there is a range but its small and it would need to be adjusted for tax benefits I received)

    Cost award from this last motion: I estimate my bill will be 40K...16 months of trying to adjuticate this

    She has only 127K in trust from a house and future SS as assets. Only married x 6 years she has repartnered.

    There is a mediation program through CAS that they made us do so now would be a good opportunity to try and settle this out.

    She has received about 400K in the last 3 years between support and money from house and can't scratch 2 nickels together..spending problem. She will be hit with a huge CRA bill, lawyer bill, so she is not in good shape, and I only care about my kids..

    I having been paying support for 3.25 years already. Would it be reasonable to to offer 50/50 ndi for another 15 months (4.5 years from date of sep) and then the last year and half is a rapid step down utilizing the massive amount of credits?

  • #2
    Wow, it sounds like your ex is in a world of financial pain. Honestly, it sounds like trying to collect anything except for liquid assets is going to be more trouble than it's worth. The whole spending good money to go after bad money rings true here...

    I would focus on limiting any more cash going out from your point of view. Use the lawyers only to review the final agreement.

    Forget about the cost award, she is never going to pay it.

    I would focus on the EP; CS and SS can be enforced (eventually) through FRO and can't be bankrupted (which is where it sounds like she is going to be headed).

    If she needs more NDI ratio in the agreement, give it to her - the money will just be coming back to you - but I agree that time limit with a rapid step down is important.

    Take the $127K in trust, plus whatever you can get in CS and SS, and walk away to your new life. Don't spend any more money than you have to in order to obtain the settlement.


    • #3
      Thank you for reply

      Very easy to get cost award

      Take it from the trust in the house

      She defaulted on a cost award last year and paid it when she got an advance in the house

      Or basically on cost award I use that as a credit for ss

      The trouble is we have a lot of alienation patterns
      So the lawyers will make a lot


      • #4
        I would focus your fight on either an air tight parenting schedule (ie you get a lot of time) or reintegration therapy/ongoing counseling.

        If she is ordered to pay more than what is in trust, it may not be allowed by a judge. They tend to get sensitive on women who have nothing. I know your ex has been cagey and refused to work and worked under the table, but you should think strategically. Where is the money better spent? Trying to get blood from a stone or keeping your kids wanting to see you? Plus the longer it goes on, the more she can elicit sympathy from the kids. Not to mention your legal bill will increase so any gains you get simply go to them.

        Look at the numbers, make an offer and get on with your life. It is difficult to see that when it comes to amount of money but stopping the bleeding is key as well.


        • #5
          Right now I have 6/14
          Now that we have 50/50 ndi, there is no incentive for her to try and resist a true 50/50

          Neither of us will get primary residence…yet

          She owes me 57 parenting days
          My plan would be to take off 10k of cost order in exchange for her giving me my parenting time back without court.
          Basically change the schedule to a 2-2–5-5, I get an extra night every other week. It will take 2 years to catch it up.

          She did give us a financial statement. The cupboards are bare. She won’t be able to afford her lawyer much longer.

          That’s why I’m asking if my offer is reasonable.

          I’m going to be fine, I was very cautious with money and now will get a huge tax refund. She is screwed


          • #6
            Good. I was just concerned about the alienating behaviours comment. If you have the time with your kids you can focus on keeping them close. They are all in the tween/teens years right?


            • #7
              Girl 9
              Boy 7

              The alienation is evolving into more subtle things. My daughter had an amazing relationship with my mom
              After serving contempt it eroded fast
              She cannot be in the same room as my mom


              • #8
                Oh thats right. Your ex is the one who fights while in the car.

                My original suggestion to fight for counseling stands. Once the battle stops there wont be the ongoing tit for tat over court filings/appearances. There will be long standing animosity over losing the money. Best to get the kids into therapy immediately to have that in place going forward. Your ex uses these triggering events to bait the kids which is wrong but you cant reason with her type of crazy.


                • #9
                  I don't think your offer is reasonable - but this may just be a personal attack as I'm negative!

                  I don't see any cs credit, ss credit, or large cost award for you.
                  Take your half of the trust and give your ex her 127k.
                  Then pray your step down ss plan works (I believe she would get more at trial) - before moving on with your life.


                  • #10
                    Equalization payment is the law
                    She owes that no way around

                    I’m going to offer a step down now and she is going to have 2 years to get her shit together


                    • #11
                      Just to be clear, your offer is:

                      1. She pays you $150k EP
                      2. She pays you 25k in child support
                      3. She pays you 75k in spousal support
                      4. She pays you 40k in cost
                      5. She gets her 127k from house
                      6. She gets 1 more year of spousal and 1.5 years of minimal spousal
                      7. She gets offset child support

                      What's her ots?


                      • #12
                        These credits and payments are the law

                        The credits on ss and cs are applied prospectively

                        Her only asset is future ss

                        She had gotten 400k in the last 3 years and it’s gone


                        • #13
                          is/are the law
                          For the sake of argument, let's assume that's true.

                          Was my previous post the ots you're asking opinions on?
                          What's your ex's ots?


                          • #14
                            The ex is broke and prolly can’t pay her lawyer much longer
                            She’s staring at a lot of debt from cra and such
                            I don’t think she is in a position to negotiate, can’t afford or have the time to do a trial or even questioning

                            I’m going to help her so the plane doesn’t crash and burn


                            • #15
                              Ex's offer sounds compelling.


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