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FRO: Separation Order Changes

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  • FRO: Separation Order Changes

    My ex husband does not have a relationship with our kids. His choice. He said he didn’t want custody (on record) and has never exercised his rights for visitation. . We have been officially divorced since 2012.

    In doing so, he felt he shouldn’t pay child support. FRO didn’t agree.
    It took 8 years but they finally caught up with him and started garnishing his wages. The judge ordered it at 50% of his take home to cover back payments. I have asked repeatedly for tax info, and other things promised on the separation agreement. Dentist bills, proof of life insurance, extracurricular fees. I have never received it and everyone told me FRO won’t make any changes or help.

    I know it was dumb on my part but I let it go. I truly couldn’t devote any more energy to this man. If we receive a child support payment via FrO (despite the court order he just skips out on it or moves jobs) then it’s a bonus.

    FRO is now contacting me because they want to make a change on the order. Daycare expenses. My kids have been out of daycare maybe 18 months. They both attended day camps and other extracurriculars which I always paid for myself. I assume the ex is trying to find any loophole to get out of his payments. His salary has increased significantly since our separation but he won’t provide tax returns, even though the judge has asked several times. Keep in mind, he is in court due to FRO. I haven’t taken him to court at all.

    My question is two fold:

    1. FRO wouldn’t help me make any changes or demands to the order but all of a sudden they care about daycare status and making sure my daycare status is up to date?
    2. What do I do now? Take him to court to demand all the things he has never paid for or ignored me on?

    Please be honest, is this going to require a lot of paperwork on my part? My kids have dental issues. I have paid $10-15k out of pocket for my daughter (now 12yrs) in dental work since she was 3. i am cringing at the thought of gathering all the paperwork.

  • #2
    Whether he has a relationship with them or not is irrelevant. He is still obligated to pay for their expenses.

    More than likely he has demanded day care expenses be terminated as they haven’t been in care and he wants to stop paying.

    Because you waited to demand payment, you will probably be relegated to three years back. Unless you sent him an annual request for tax info each year and he refused.

    You could self rep on this. What you need to do is file a motion to change the agreement and update it. You would then request back expenses. In the form you would outline that you have requested updated income information each year (provide copies of requests) and were ignored. You would also outline all the expenses you paid over the years (with proof) and his proportionate share based on his update income information. Then you would ask for updated child support based in his updated income amounts as well as any retroactive amounts owing. Finally you would request a set amount for post secondary expenses that would be set for FRO to collect since he refuses to provide updated annual info and his share of expenses.

    More than likely what will happen is he will realize he has fucked himself and make you an offer. You can either accept it or reject it based on what a judge says. You would go through the process of filing, having a conference and then going through to either a settlement conference or trial. If you file in court he WILL be obligated to provide full income details and since he ignored you, he would look bad.


    • #3
      thank you.

      I have kept every single email correspondence since 2010 (separation date).

      i guess I am obligated to respond to FRO’s request for daycare? do I have to do it in writing (ie have the daycare provide a letter).

      Yes, he has screwed himself. I was fine to go along with a monthly payment and zero correspondence. The dental bills alone would make anyone cry.

      I didn’t know I could ask for post secondary. thank you. He was supposed to contribute to an RESP but has never done so either.


      • #4
        Yes consent to the change in day care BUT track the overpayments. You can play dumb a bit and say that you used that money to cover medical and dental expenses as he refused to respond to your annual requests for income updates.

        There are a number of posts on this forum on how to self rep and fill out forms. Depending on the province you are in, there are also online resources to help and if in Ontario…the Family Law and Information Centre (FLIC) but they may not be open during the pandemic.

        Another good resource is That site lists some case decisions and it may help you understand what information you need to provide and how the court would rule. The fact that he has decided to just ignore you and not provide updates makes him look bad in the judge’s eyes but you need to get moving. Expect to get three years retroactive considered but also put down some demands for ongoing support and expenses. This will depend on how he responds to the case.


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