Can ex be compelled to switch careers?

[350 Mag]

I wish more people were aware of this.

If your spouse is saying that they do not want to go back to work, this is an incredibly dangerous situation. You are at the threshold of losing everything.

I remember my ex said she did not want to go back to work. I laughed and told her that I'd be more than happy to stay home if she felt a child would do better with a parent at home. Needless to say, she rapidly decided that daycare was a reasonable option.

In retrospect, that was one of the most important decisions I ever made in my life. To me it was just an equity thing, it didn't make sense for only one of us to be working. Somehow, that forced me onto the right path.

Interesting,

In my situation wouldn't have made much sense. That was the last thing I would have been thinking.


Maybe I am too traditional, maybe when I promised I do...forever I actually believed it.

I got married to hopefully have a loving family, grow old, retire and see our grandkids grow up.

I still get to do that but we won't be together.

Taking it 1 day at a time....

[rockscan]

Personally, as a woman, I don’t know how anyone would WANT to stay home. I love kids but adults who act like children are much more stimulating on a daily basis.


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[Janus]

Correct. Many divorces happen after the birth of a child and 1 year of maternity leave is up and that parent has to return to work and doesn't want to. If anyone finds themselves in that situation a judge will not order spousal support. See it all the time in the court.

But, if you wait 6 months after the date they should have returned to work... Good luck. That is when stuff gets ugly.

I wish more people were aware of this.

If your spouse is saying that they do not want to go back to work, this is an incredibly dangerous situation. You are at the threshold of losing everything.

I remember my ex said she did not want to go back to work. I laughed and told her that I'd be more than happy to stay home if she felt a child would do better with a parent at home. Needless to say, she rapidly decided that daycare was a reasonable option.

In retrospect, that was one of the most important decisions I ever made in my life. To me it was just an equity thing, it didn't make sense for only one of us to be working. Somehow, that forced me onto the right path.

[canthisberight]

If she gets married or cohabits again...you are off the hook...if the seperation is written like that.
Mine says if my ex husband resides with someone for 9 months, or remarries, I am done paying!!
Praying he meets someone..oops

[350 Mag]

Yes, speaking with a lawyer will help.

But it is strongly recommended for 350Mag to speak with a therapist or separation coach as soon as possible to avoid going on tangents with lawyers about how he feels what is transpiring or will transpire is unfair. The lawyer will gladly listen, even schedule further meetings, and next thing you know 350Mag will get sent a $2500 invoice for a few meetings where it was a one-way conversation with nothing to show for it....

I ain't gonna waste my time bitching anymore.

It's done.

I got 28.5 years with her.

We are going to be able to hammer out a deal....

She isn't greedy, neither am I.

Now can she be persuaded to go for more by friends, family or lawyer.

Absolutely.

That's why I haven't yelled at, got angry, and have kept it civil.

We both want to do right by our kids

The kids are with me.

We used a Family Law spousal support calculator.

Agreed on an amount.

She is happy...


We are going to sit down with a mediator with all our finances in 2 months

I said I will pay for our youngest post secondary when that comes, IF she stays committed to the amounts we agreed on.

I don't have a problem paying for the education because I would be regardless IF we were still together or not.

If she wants more per month she will have to help pay for education.

She understands that until we get a court order that I cannot claim Spousal support for tax.....and she is getting tax free money

As far as the house, me and the kids are in it for at least 1.5-2 years .

I am going to be responsible for maintaining small stuff, taxes and Insurance to offset what she pays in rent for her place

I said IF she ends up living in house she will get the same amount of time with same deal.

We are hoping to just sell it in 2 years and split 50/50.

As far as all other assets...50/50.

Pensions will be addressed through mediator.

She realizes she has more "credits" than me....


We will be fine....

1 day at a time....

She hurt me....but I hurt her first.

No one is innocent and we are both to blame for the breakdown in the marriage

[LovingDad1234]

Seeing a lawyer will help.

Yes, speaking with a lawyer will help.

But it is strongly recommended for 350Mag to speak with a therapist or separation coach as soon as possible to avoid going on tangents with lawyers about how he feels what is transpiring or will transpire is unfair. The lawyer will gladly listen, even schedule further meetings, and next thing you know 350Mag will get sent a $2500 invoice for a few meetings where it was a one-way conversation with nothing to show for it....

[rockscan]

You will have to do a financial statement and figure out the asset split. You are staying in the house and she is entitled to a portion of it. You can also work out some sort of settlement where you have a step down as your income changes. Seeing a lawyer will help.


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[350 Mag]

350 Mag,

Family court is the scam. Listen to rockscan since that is the point of view that family courts operate under. Janus also offers words of wisdom.

It's assumed that only your STBX contributed to the marriage and now must be compensated. Any contributions you made are ignored.

Any decision made by your STBX, you are assumed to have agreed with, even if you didn't and had no way of forcing her.

The marriage will end, your STBX will be free to live here life, and possibly be supported for life. You will be an indentured servant, forced to continue to provide for them even though the marriage is supposed to be over. Your responsibilities will continue. Your STBX has none and doesn't even have to try and support themselves. Why would they when they've won the "cash for life" lottery?


Getting married has become the riskiest financial gamble you can take. As Janus mentioned, the only prudent (and cold blooded) thing to do would have been to get divorced the minute your STBX decided not to go back to work.

Well....

I can pension off in 9 years.

Then my income drops to $50k -60K /year?

She has higher pension value than me right now so I am getting a Seperation Agreement that we are leaving each other's pensions alone.

She won't lose on CPP because she was maxed out for 4 years before she left to raise family.....they don't penalize you for that? Or has that changed?

She has also agreed to put in writing that if she enters a common law or gets remarried to stop spousal support.

That should significantly reduce my obligations when I turn 59.

Cross my fingers she meets a guy she likes and remarries....then I am done paying.

??????

[Tayken]

Hey 350 Mag do you own a Mercury Mercruiser? Just noticed your handle is "350 Mag".

[Tayken]

If your spouse has been working until a month before you initiate divorce proceedings, I almost guarantee you won't be paying any spousal support.

Correct. Many divorces happen after the birth of a child and 1 year of maternity leave is up and that parent has to return to work and doesn't want to. If anyone finds themselves in that situation a judge will not order spousal support. See it all the time in the court.

But, if you wait 6 months after the date they should have returned to work... Good luck. That is when stuff gets ugly.

[ifonlyihadknown]

350 Mag,

Family court is the scam. Listen to rockscan since that is the point of view that family courts operate under. Janus also offers words of wisdom.

It's assumed that only your STBX contributed to the marriage and now must be compensated. Any contributions you made are ignored.

Any decision made by your STBX, you are assumed to have agreed with, even if you didn't and had no way of forcing her.

The marriage will end, your STBX will be free to live here life, and possibly be supported for life. You will be an indentured servant, forced to continue to provide for them even though the marriage is supposed to be over. Your responsibilities will continue. Your STBX has none and doesn't even have to try and support themselves. Why would they when they've won the "cash for life" lottery?


Getting married has become the riskiest financial gamble you can take. As Janus mentioned, the only prudent (and cold blooded) thing to do would have been to get divorced the minute your STBX decided not to go back to work.

[350 Mag]

1) I BEGGED and PLEADED with her to keep her job.

2) We had a NICE home. Because we were making combined 120,000

3). She insisted she didn't care IF we made less money or had as nice house. She just wanted to be together as a family

We argued for a whole year about her quitting her job....I told her I was NOT happy at my job....and would look for work closer to our home.

4) In the end we moved away from friends, family, and ended up in a community far away from ANY support. We had no babysitter(parents or relatives) so we were always stuck with the kids and didn't get out much.

5) I struggled at work and with the pressure of being the number 1 provider so I was stressed out alot of the time. As I told her I did not enjoy my job.

6) She was not happy with our home. She complained constantly our house wasn't nice enough, we didn't have large savings, or rental properties like her sister....Who had a 70,000 /year job and her husband made 150,000/ year.

7) So after 17 years or so living here she decides she doesn't love me anymore?

So if I take home $2700 / 2weeks.

And the courts award her $2500/month.

Who wins and loses.

She has a college degree.....but chooses NOT to pursue a better paying Job?

The idea of spousal support is to compensate her for leaving her career to raise a family and to maintain her standard of living.

IF higher paying job is available is it unreasonable to ask her to expand her horizons?

I do love my wife very much, she is leaving, breaking up a family.....I and giving her $1500/ month....because I am keeping the 2 kids with me 90% of the time.

I feel worthless....and to add insult to injury I am still the "meal ticket".

All I want is a fair deal.....and for her to seek a better job?

She has education she should use it OR at least try ???

[rockscan]

So basically ....

I will be lucky to come away with the clothes on my backside....and she will be with another guy.

Marriage is the ultimate SCAM!

Wait a second. You had what, 20 years with a woman who gave you two kids, cared for your home and kids and gave you companionship. For whatever reason she fell out of love with you and wanted out. Making that decision was not easy.

You now have the opportunity to agree mutually on a financial way forward depending on the status of your income and what you built. Up until a day ago you were yammering on about how you wanted her to be happy and you loved her so much.

Marriage involves two people and you are both guilty for its failure and what went into it.


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[350 Mag]

So basically ....

I will be lucky to come away with the clothes on my backside....and she will be with another guy.

Marriage is the ultimate SCAM!

[Janus]

Well....I guess IF she isn't willing to compromise....I will get "stressed" and have to take medical leave....

And possible end up with a minimum wage job?

That could very well happen.

Then she gets "0".

Actually, they will impute income to you. Her income will be unaffected, you will still have to pay her the same amount. You will just have much less.

You aren't the first support payor to have the bright idea of reducing their income as revenge .