Hi everyone

[SadAndTired]

It has been a long time since I have been around. So happy to see some familiar profile names! I hope you are all doing well.

I will keep it short because I am at work but looking for legal advice as to how to move forward.

Ex is a high income earner. We have an amended agreement for child support for two girls (18 and 15). Ex was paying $4000 a month child support (less than his income requires but I signed the agreement as I can't see paying lawyers to fight).

Elizabeth entered University away from home in Sept 2019. Ex's lawyer sent me a letter saying Ex had decided he wasn't going to pay any more child support while Elizabeth was in school. From Sept to April he paid no child support for her but did pay his percentage of all uni costs.

When she returned home in April due to Covid, he "decided" that $1,000 a month was enough and he would pay no more for Elizabeth. (He still pays for 15 year old child.)

All of this "deciding" is because he is currently separating from wife number two and is likely paying high child/spousal support for his 5 year old twins now too.

So my question is, can he simply decide not to pay? Do we need an amended agreement? I have tried to talk to him about it but he simply says "I sent you a letter telling you what I am going to do."

How do I move forward if I choose to? If I wanted to be an asshole, could I simply file my amended agreement with FRO and collect his $16,000 in arrears? Do I file something with the court to indicate contempt? Elizabeth is not living in the dorm until atleast next year. The costs of having her at home are no different than prior to going to university and in fact his income is higher. There has been no amended order and Ex won't discuss one.

Thanks for the legal advice!

Rebecca.

[rockscan]

You should file it with FRO.

First though, calculate what he was supposed to be paying based on his income. If he hasn’t provided you income disclosure, look at his annual increases from before and calculate those in your support amounts. Use the tables for one child and two children. He should be paying support for may to september for kid 1.

Make sure too that you have calculated his share of expenses properly too.

Take all of this info, send him an email advising that he is behind in support and does not get to dictate what his relevant table support is for his children. Give him 48 hours to respond with a plan to pay his arrears and if he doesn’t file with the court for an updated support amount and get it going.

Like I said at the start, also file with FRO. That will motivate him. Divorcing his second wife is not his oldest two children’s problem.

[Kinso]

looking for legal advice

Then hire a lawyer. This forum is legal information only, which may or may not be applicable you.

What's the difference? A lawyer can ask you questions and gather more information that may be relevant to the advice provided. New facts may change the advice. Anyone on this forum is basing comments solely on what you've said, which may not be the whole picture. Also, not everyone on this forum knows what they're talking about (which doesn't stop them from acting like they do).

So my question is, can he simply decide not to pay? Do we need an amended agreement? I have tried to talk to him about it but he simply says "I sent you a letter telling you what I am going to do."

One can file with FRO to enforce the agreement. People cannot be forced to come to the table and negotiate if they don't want to. If there's no enforcement of the agreement, then yes he can 'decide not to pay'. Not that it's right, but there are no consequences without enforcement.

Thanks for the legal advice!

Not legal advice .

[SadAndTired]

Hi Rockscan

I am nervous to file it with FRO due to the horror stories of delays. If my spousal is also on the same order, does FRO collect it all?

Kinso

I was a member here for many years a long while ago. I just worded it wrong. I know this isn't "legal" advice. I was hopeful to avoid a discussion about whether or not his support amounts are appropriate. I didn't want to get into moral/ethical discussions and wanted to focus on the legal aspects of the situation. With a high income earner, people like to debate how much support is too much.

[rockscan]

You won’t know until you try. If it is in your order then they can enforce it. The delay is 3-5 months and he doesnt need to know until he gets the form. My husbands was registered in February and he got the letter in June.

At this point he can stop paying all together and not give a crap. What happens if his new ex decides to really hammer him and he can’t pay you both and a lawyer? I know that sounds cruel but your kids are not responsible for his fuck ups.

You can also self rep in this case as it is straightforward with him not paying. File with FRO, put together the court docs, let him know you plan to file if he refuses to pay the ordered amount and make him an offer to settle.

Kinso, let’s unclench a bit here. S&T has been on the forum for years and her case is pretty straightforward with unpaid support amounts. Almost everyone knows this isnt legal advice and no one on her presumes to be a lawyer.

[arabian]

Hi SadandTired!

Go directly to FRO... do not pass Go.

Your ex is certainly entitled to his "feelings" that he doesn't think he should have to pay you. That's laughable.

Let the piece of shit file a motion and explain his position to the judge. I have a feeling that you will end up being awarded much more than you are currently receiving... he knows this and is just trying to fuck with you.

When he starts the process in court he will have to complete financial questionnaire. Judge's aren't stupid and can easily see when they aren't completed in full.

Remember, you and your children are #1 on the pecking order list. He can go and have dozens of children... you will always be #1.

Good luck.

[Kinso]

Kinso, let’s unclench a bit here. S&T has been on the forum for years and her case is pretty straightforward with unpaid support amounts. Almost everyone knows this isnt legal advice and no one on her presumes to be a lawyer.

I'm equally concerned for the poster as well as the people who read but never point. Even if OP wouldn't make that error, others might. There is a reason lawyers write 'this isn't legal advice' over and over and over until they're sick.

Otherwise it's a fair point, I'll acknowledge to being over the mark on the 'legal advice' terminology. Occupational hazard.

[Mom2414]

$1000 for the almost adult child + $x for the 15 year old + spousal! Geesh! That’s more than I pull in monthly working a 44 hour week!!!


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[rockscan]

$1000 for the almost adult child + $x for the 15 year old + spousal! Geesh! That’s more than I pull in monthly working a 44 hour week!!!


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There are a few long term members who have ex-husbands that make over $150,000. And these members helped their husbands build their career before they decided to divorcw. I have zero sympathy for parents who earn big six figures and decide they shouldn’t have to pay for their kids.

[SadAndTired]

$1000 for the almost adult child + $x for the 15 year old + spousal! Geesh! That’s more than I pull in monthly working a 44 hour week!!!


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Yes Mom2414. But as Rockscan said, it is a long, ridiculous story. No one cares that I accept less support than I could have gotten if I had raked him over the coals. No one realizes the career and sacrifices I made so that "our" future could be bright and then he left... No one realizes he makes $540,000 a year and yet claims poverty. Take it up with my Ex because I have moved on from talking about it at length. He was glad to take the deal I offered.

Kinso, that actually took shorter than expected. This is what I meant about unhelpful posts that are not focused on the actual legal issues.

[SadAndTired]

You won’t know until you try. If it is in your order then they can enforce it. The delay is 3-5 months and he doesnt need to know until he gets the form. My husbands was registered in February and he got the letter in June.

At this point he can stop paying all together and not give a crap. What happens if his new ex decides to really hammer him and he can’t pay you both and a lawyer? I know that sounds cruel but your kids are not responsible for his fuck ups.

You can also self rep in this case as it is straightforward with him not paying. File with FRO, put together the court docs, let him know you plan to file if he refuses to pay the ordered amount and make him an offer to settle.

Thanks! That helps with thinking about FRO.

When you say "put together the court docs", which ones would those be? I feel so out of the loop now. I used to know so much from here but have tried to focus on the good and ignore the crap. I have forgotten so much.

I do enjoy corresponding with his lawyer though.

[rockscan]

Well at that amount he technically got a deal at $4000 since the tables say $6700. How he manages his money is not your problem. You have kids to support and you missed out on your career helping him get to half a million a year.

[SadAndTired]

Hi SadandTired!

Go directly to FRO... do not pass Go.

Your ex is certainly entitled to his "feelings" that he doesn't think he should have to pay you. That's laughable.

Let the piece of shit file a motion and explain his position to the judge. I have a feeling that you will end up being awarded much more than you are currently receiving... he knows this and is just trying to fuck with you.

When he starts the process in court he will have to complete financial questionnaire. Judge's aren't stupid and can easily see when they aren't completed in full.

Remember, you and your children are #1 on the pecking order list. He can go and have dozens of children... you will always be #1.

Good luck.

Hi Arabian!

I think of you sometimes.

I guess I need to review what court process comes next. I used to know so much but have let it all slide with just trying to enjoy life.

As I asked Rockscan, what court filing would I start with? Ex used to be the Applicant. Most of our stuff was done out of court. My poor lawyer (loved that man!) passed away. I haven't retained a new one (but maybe I should as I knew University would be a fight.) (*sigh*)

[rockscan]

Hi Arabian!

I think of you sometimes.

I guess I need to review what court process comes next. I used to know so much but have let it all slide with just trying to enjoy life.

As I asked Rockscan, what court filing would I start with? Ex used to be the Applicant. Most of our stuff was done out of court. My poor lawyer (loved that man!) passed away. I haven't retained a new one (but maybe I should as I knew University would be a fight.) (*sigh*)

You file a motion to change (15) and the relevant documents. Also ask for disclosure (form 20). He will need to provide a financial statement in his response.

In your filing you point out the facts: you accepted a lower amount of cs than table; he unilaterally stopped paying support and modified the table amount on x date; he has failed to provide ongoing disclosure; you are seeking an update and future direction for kid 2.

My husbands ex did this because she thought he wasnt paying the right amount. Everything I advise is following his lawyers advice and based on the decision in their case.

First step though is filing with FRO and then calculating all the amounts.

[rockscan]

Also forgot to add, you remain either the applicant or respondent depending on your previous case. You simply refer to yourself as the moving party.