Who is responsible for home repairs

[moremiles]

A friend asked
Is my friend's ex responsible for home fixtures to pass inspection so home can be sold. What if my friend wants to take over the mortgage but cant til these house problems are fixed? The ex left my friend 3 years ago and the problems existed long before ex's departure left. They where married 23 years and always lived in the matrimony home. My friend worked part time to take care of family and the ex always worked full time bringing larger share to the finances. The ex owes SS
and started paying 1.5 years after date of separation under ex's lawyer's coaching. Ex and lawyer decided the SS amount. However nothing has been signed and because of this has been a problem at tax time. My friend initiated all movement starting with mediation which the ex was delusional and made unrealistic statements of what the home was worth estimating $100,00 over. My friend did her diligence and got three estimates for selling process which proved the ex's quote incorrect even then the ex balked and said the quotes are incorrect. After it was clear the ex was not taking things seriously with mediation my friend took it to a lawyer level which forced the ex to get a lawyer too and that lawyer instructed my friends ex to start SS immediately, again the ex and his lawyer decided how much but nothing was ever signed. The SS has been automatically deposited into our still exsisting joint bank account which I pay the mortgage from. The ex is very arrogant and has a big entitlement attitude and has a history of being spiteful.
My friend has spent some money legally but is stalled until the final home inspection can be passed. Is ex responsible to help pay to fix house if the house has to be sold and is ex responsible to help pay for repairs if my friend wants to qualify take over the mortgage. Suggestions and information is most appreciated and bless you for helping educate struggling folks.

[standing on the sidelines]

we know it is you who is having the issues with the house and ex...why do you keep using the friend thing?

when it comes right down to it even if the ex is responsible for the repairs you would most likely be responsible for some of it to. Best to sell the house "as is'

Trying to hang onto this home will bankrupt you.

[moremiles]

I was worried my ex might be reading this so I tried to be discreet now I feel silly. I am learning as I go along.
I am now seriously considering selling. When I asked ex before to contribute to fixing cost so we could move things along he said he had no interest in contributing. I'm sorry I posed my question as such but is he responsible for some of the cost. If we sell the house as is we will have no house but still be paying a mortgage. I think we might be lucky if we break even.

[standing on the sidelines]

I was worried my ex might be reading this so I tried to be discreet now I feel silly. I am learning as I go along.
I am now seriously considering selling. When I asked ex before to contribute to fixing cost so we could move things along he said he had no interest in contributing. I'm sorry I posed my question as such but is he responsible for some of the cost. If we sell the house as is we will have no house but still be paying a mortgage. I think we might be lucky if we break even.

dont feel silly, but a heads up, the way you describe the place and all the activities that you do there would be a giveaway. Yes your ex could find this site and read it, so ask questions for sure but just remember that if your ex is reading it then you dont want to give him too much of a heads up.

I really am not sure if he would be responsible for half the repairs. He may say that you were negligent and didn't do the repairs needed so the damage is now worse then when he was there. Can you afford to pay for half of the repairs?



You are in a tough situation.

[moremiles]

Thank you for your understanding as I'm learning all of this. If my ex figures me out by reading my post I've only spoken the truth and he is a master of justifying anything.
The specialist that came and investigated said I could do a little bit every year and they even had payment plan.
The lender that i almost qualified for said i have the right to due diligence and time to come up with the cash to fix it. But he is a banker not a lawyer or judge. I've only had one quote and had to wait along time for it as it had to be completely dry under there for inspector to have a proper look. I do believe its fixable. My ex lives rent free in his dad unoccupied home and his dad even pays utilities for him. His Dad will probably even pay his lawyers fees as he has in the past. My ex will inherit his dads large estate also. I was a good wife to my husband and I took care of his parents too. But that all changed when I got myself a cell phone and access to internet where I've learned much about the big ego of a narcissist. At that point I stopped reacting to his very controlling ways. He lost interest in me because he couldnt control me any more and is when I believe he planned his exit taking everything with him financially.
Why my ex wants to destroy my world when he has so much is hurtful but I'm understanding non of this matters only dollars and cents.

[rockscan]

My husband went through similar treatment. Tried to be a fair person in the divorce and only got grief. He lost all his rrsps fighting and left a lot of the matrimonial home money on the table. Then she came after him for more and again he was reasonable doing what was right for his kids. Kids who don’t speak to him and believe their mothers lies. She has inherited a quarter million and the house is now worth over 1 million but she tells people he broke her. As I say to him, you can always earn money but you can’t earn someone’s love or have sanity with someone like that. He told me that he is focused on having a good life with what we have and that is more than anything money can buy. Your ex will always be an asshole.

[moremiles]

Yes I believe that to be true that he will always be this way. I did not understand narcissism before and being an empath was a perfect target for him. I needed to learn this lesson in life and grateful I learned at 60 and not 80 and thank goodness we live in an information world or i dont think i could of ever figured this out. It would take years of therapy which is costly. Just gotta get this behind me to be free.

[Abba435]

"Divorcing a narcissist can be harder than being married to one"

Loss of control for a narcissist can enrage them so please be careful.

I am sure there are support groups out there that are anonymous.

[moremiles]

So true.
Thankyou and I understand your advice.
Valadation strengthens my healing process.
Truly grateful for support groups. Information world a true gift. 🙏☮eventually.

[canthisberight]

"Divorcing a narcissist can be harder than being married to one"

Loss of control for a narcissist can enrage them so please be careful.

I am sure there are support groups out there that are anonymous.

This is so dead on..for both myself and my partner

[Tayken]

Sell the house way easier.