Child support not going to kids

[Kkc]

To start...I do not agree with the offset method for shared custody. I am not here to argue my amount is not fair. What I'm concerned of is the ex has a terrible, terrible spending problem

I offered a trade so she could have mother's day with kids..instead wrote me a nasty nasty reply through her lawyer and said my deal was unfair (I offered to give sat and Sunday for Monday and Tuesday) and bashed me through her lawyer. Turns out that she dropped my daughter off at school after she vommitted at home..then took off to Chicago where went on a luxury shopping spree with her mom and bragged about it on social media. My daughter was really sick on friday. That will be dealt with.

I'm upset bc there is no way she can afford all her household, legal expenses and still go crazy shopping at LV. Either her parents are bankrolling her or she is carrying crazy debt.

Has anyone dealt with someone so bad with money and how can u prove diversion of child support. Again..I'm not trying to avoid my obligation but I want to make sure the kids money isn't spent on Botox and Gucci.

Btw...we start our case conference on Tuesday...perfect time to bring up mother's day

[arabian]

I don't believe there is anything you can do. I used to golf with a woman who was in receipt of approximately 12 - 14k per month in child support. She delighted in this money to finance her collection of very expensive purses, jewelry as well as things like custom-designed perfume. Her 14 year old daughter also had an admirable collection. The mother had been called by the school several times regarding the theft of these bags and asked that the daughter not take the purses to school. Insane. This woman had remarried to a very wealthy person so the CS she received from father of the children was but merely a slush fund for luxury spending. When children turned 18 and were no longer in school the mother was successful in getting the child support extended for a few years with a few thousand dollars reduction.

Focus your attention on SS.

[Kkc]

Sigh...well maybe if I get enough leverage in this I can push for some of it to go to a trust and get creative otherwise.

It makes a conundrum that she is artificially inflating a lifestyle, can't afford it, and has parents supporting it. Sounds like financial incompetence and doesn't need ss bc daddy pays her bills

Her lawyer is dumb...just dumb
Our house sold months ago and in her cc brief she is still asking for possession of the house.. go figure

[rockscan]

You can’t do anything about how she spends the cs. You are ordered to pay it, you pay it. All you are going to do is make yourself nuts. Now if she isn’t caring for the children then perhaps you could try arguing for full physical custody where she would have to pay you but that would be a different battle.

Stop worrying about her spending. There is nothing you can do anymore.

[Janus]

To start...I do not agree with the offset method for shared custody.

The offset method is actually mathematically wrong. It becomes more unfair as the disparity in incomes between the parents increases. You can search this forum for posts on it if you are so inclined. Unfortunately, judges view it as fair, so that is the way it is going to be for a long time.

What I'm concerned of is the ex has a terrible, terrible spending problem

You guys are no longer married. How she spends her money is not your concern or your business. Any child support she receives is her money.

I'm upset bc there is no way she can afford all her household, legal expenses and still go crazy shopping at LV. Either her parents are bankrolling her or she is carrying crazy debt.

You guys are no longer married. How she spends her money is not your concern or your business. Any child support she receives (or any parental support for that matter) is her money.

how can u prove diversion of child support.

You seem to be under the impression that a parent is required to spend child support money on the child. She can make a facebook post that says "I just spent all the child support money on booze and expensive purses"... and it would not matter at all.

Child support money is explicitly for the parent. Any benefit this has to the children is incidental.

Again..I'm not trying to avoid my obligation but I want to make sure the kids money isn't spent on Botox and Gucci.

The kids do not have money. She has money. She is perfectly within her rights to spend it on Botox and Gucci.

Now, let's stipulate for fun that she actually had an obligation to spend the CS on the kids. There is no possible way you could prove that she was not doing so. She used the child support money for rent/mortgage/food/clothes/car payments/gasoline. The botox and gucci came from a different source. There is no way that child support represents 100% of her income.

Unless you think you somehow have not only the right to dictate how she spends her CS, but also how she spends her other money as well?

Anyhow, as a present to help you argue better, here is a paper by that good 'ol right wing thinktank that we all know and love.

https://www.fraserinstitute.org/site...guidelines.pdf

Prepare to be very angry

[Kkc]

Thanks Janus...always value the opinion
I think only method would be that a portion goes in trust and getting to agree to it...easier said than done I know
I'm curious ur position on the set off in a 5050

[rockscan]

I think only method would be that a portion goes in trust

Won’t happen. Stop wasting your energy. Get a hobby that you can focus on. As Janus said, you don’t get to control her spending. If your kids have shelter, food and clothing, there’s nothing wrong.

[Janus]

I think only method would be that a portion goes in trust and getting to agree to it...easier said than done I know

Impossible. It would be easier to get full custody and have your ex thrown into a dungeon.

I'm curious ur position on the set off in a 5050

The offset method is actually mathematically wrong.

Also,

https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/...ht=half+offset

[Karma2016]

Control freak much? Gee I wonder why this didn’t work out.

[ifonlyihadknown]

In a world where we have both "Spousal Support" and "Child Support", it doesn't seem very unreasonable that the Child Support goes to support the child. Don't you think?

Why would it be controlling to think that the money you pay someone else to support your child would actually be used for supporting your child?

[Karma2016]

In a world where we have both "Spousal Support" and "Child Support", it doesn't seem very unreasonable that the Child Support goes to support the child. Don't you think?

Why would it be controlling to think that the money you pay someone else to support your child would actually be used for supporting your child?

What do you think should happen? Your children should physically receive your money and buy themselves food? pay for the utilities they use? Their own clothes? the gas for the vehicles they are driven in? The fundraisers at school? Are none of these being paid for by their mother? Child support is not a savings account for the children. It’s to pay for their day-to-day, week-to-week, month to month expenses.

[iona6656]

Control freak much? Gee I wonder why this didn’t work out.

ehhh. While most people in this discussion have rightly pointed out that the OP *can't* control the CS paid to ex...given what the poster has told us about the situation- I can understand the OP's concern. On the other hand- there are definitely whiffs of control about this post.

What he missed saying was that the children are in any way being underfed, under-clothed, under-whatever-their-needs-are....

I feel more of a rant in this post. I get that....

[ifonlyihadknown]

I have no idea how much OP is paying in CS. It could be $500/month, it could be $10,000/month.

I have no problem with CS going towards, rent, utilities, clothing, food, clothing, holidays, activities, etc. Things that benefit the child in some reasonable direct or indirect way.

A new handbag for mom is abuse of the system. Mom getting her nails done is abuse of the system. Mom going on a weeks vacation in the sun without the kids is abuse of the system. If she had some legitimate claim to extra money from her ex, it would be covered by SS.

Can anyone on this forum, without being facetious, say that if they were the payer of CS, they would be OK with this?

[rockscan]

I have no idea how much OP is paying in CS. It could be $500/month, it could be $10,000/month.

I have no problem with CS going towards, rent, utilities, clothing, food, clothing, holidays, activities, etc. Things that benefit the child in some reasonable direct or indirect way.

A new handbag for mom is abuse of the system. Mom getting her nails done is abuse of the system. Mom going on a weeks vacation in the sun without the kids is abuse of the system. If she had some legitimate claim to extra money from her ex, it would be covered by SS.

Can anyone on this forum, without being facetious, say that if they were the payer of CS, they would be OK with this?

The OP also said he thinks she is getting money from her parents. She could also have a high line of credit or a sugar daddy. None of which is his business. As long as the kids have a roof, clothes and food, he can stuff his comments. The courts don’t care and this forum has seen all of those “we should have a say” arguments before. It’s called the political forum and I believe there is a petition rolling around in there if it bothers you that much.

[Karma2016]

Exactly Rockscan. I receive SS (not CS) and it is not enough. He is a lawyer and we were married 23 years. I am struggling. I cannot find a job that that pays more than what I make now. And my Wasband, the PAYOR, bought a $70,000 new car, is travelling to Ireland and Australia this year, furnished his new house, etc. yet I cannot get the brakes fixed on my car, fill my prescription new glasses, nor vaccinate our dog. Does the OP think this is fair???