Division of Assets - Addiction/Reckless Spending

[RedRobin]

Hi All,

Feedback is greatly appreciated.

I have not started the divorce process yet, but think events this weekend may start the ball in motion.

I recently discovered my spouse hiding debt from me. This debt all comes from alcohol. We have separate accounts for everything. His salary is twice what I make. Is this sufficient grounds for debts and assets not to be equally distributed.

Thank you kindly.

Red

[arabian]

I'd recommend making many notes including dates.

I believe that you are jointly responsible for debt while married and living in same residence. Talk to a competent lawyer, keeping in mind that they will likely blow smoke up your arse and tell you what you want to hear so they can bill you, at once. There is case law about "reckless depletion of assets" and you can enter that in CanLii, Ontario, Ontario Supreme Court to get an idea of how these things are argued in court.

Separation agreement is imperative as is your separating all joint accounts. Your lawyer can advise you.

I bought a fairly expensive bottle of scotch the other day. Your ex would have to purchase quite a bit of high-end alcohol to deplete your assets no? The "elephant in the room" is how long did you know your ex had a drinking problem? Issues such as co-dependency would be considered. Turning a blind eye to things doesn't get you anywhere (as you may be finding out).

Good luck with all of this.

[RedRobin]

I really appreciate your response. I will continue researching, will look at the case you have pointed me too, and will find someone competent for a consultation. Also, start documenting everything.

We do not have any joint accounts. You are not wrong, and that is a lot of high priced cocktails to deplete assets. There are definitely some things here that a wiser version of myself would have done differently.

This is heartbreaking, but better now than a year from now...or ten years from now.

I truly do appreciate you reaching out and for your response.

Many Thanks,

Red

[arabian]

I know this must be devastating for you. I would recommend that you do NOT confront him at this time. Instead you should use this time wisely and try to obtain as much information (paper trail) as possible. Tax returns, notices of assessment, investment statements... anything. photocopy and if you need to get a safety deposit box and start amassing everything.

Be careful who you confide in. A counselor is preferable. Your lawyer is NOT your counselor but rather someone who will guide you through the legal process. Sadly, when one goes through a nasty separation the friends can become enemies. You really never know how things will turn out 6, 12, 18 months from now.

Remember - if he is hiding debt he can also be hiding assets.

[RedRobin]

I really truly appreciate this and your very pragmatic advise. It is really kind of you. This is devastating right now.

Finances take more marriages down than infidelity. Addiction can be a terrible mistress. You are right in that I will need more than legal support, but in terms of who to trust, I really need to use solid judgement.

Thank you again,

Red

[ifonlyihadknown]

I always thought that it went from the date of Separation, which could be when one person simply announces, "I'm done."

Assets/debt before that date are shared. Assets/debt after are not. You will out your form 13 as of that date.

So if one partner says's I'm done and the other one runs out and spends a bunch of money and get's drunk, they're drinking their share. On the other hand, if one partner had a spending/debt problem throughout the marriage, that becomes shared debt, pre-separation date.

[divorce101]

I always thought that it went from the date of Separation, which could be when one person simply announces, "I'm done."

Assets/debt before that date are shared. Assets/debt after are not. You will out your form 13 as of that date.

So if one partner says's I'm done and the other one runs out and spends a bunch of money and get's drunk, they're drinking their share. On the other hand, if one partner had a spending/debt problem throughout the marriage, that becomes shared debt, pre-separation date.

As I have found out, separation date can be skewed. My STBX never over 35 years mentioned separation. I asked for a divorce in February. When things went sideways after trying to be amicable, my STBX went behind my back and applied for a divorce dating back to Sept of 2017. Now I am in the fight of my life and had no alternative but to retain a very expensive lawyer. She needs to be very careful and seek council now/if for no other reason but to have her ducks in a row.....I have/am learning the hard way and it is costing me dearly. My STBX is doing this so he can try and stick me with debt that was actually both ours and to lessen the amount he will have to share of his pension.