Child support:change in circumstances/disclosure!

[Tandem80]

In the middle of draftig a Consent order to make changes to our original.

I suggested that I will adjust support on a yearly basis according to my income.

Easy, right?

Nope. We have been doing a 3 year average...and because I had one really good year she thinks that the 3 year average is no longer sufficient and wants the support based off of that one years higher income (which includes a significant severance payment). So it is not actual income "earned". With that said there are no arrears on my part, seems as though I have overpaid over the years.

My ex agrees to adjustig yearly...BUT...My ex's lawyer wants to add a clause that I will continue to pay support based on prior years income even if my income dips in the current year. I'm ok with that as my income does always dip but evens out YTD.

The problem I have with this is what if there is a change in circumstances beyond my control? I am in the oil industry. What if I get injured and can't work or I lose my job and can't find a new one with the similar pay?

Do I still maintain the right to file a motion to vary? I don't want to trap myself.

Also it seems her and her lawyer are having a bit of trouble disclosing her 2016 income tax return. It is well over due as I was supposed to receive it end of June. Still just recently her lawyer stated he request it...but that is all.

We are also adjusting Section 7 expenses and I do have reason to believe she has a lot more money available to her than she claims in her motion filed in May 2917. She never disclosed her 2016 income tax return with that either. I feel like they are hiding something.

I don't want to finalize any agreements until it is brought forward. Do I need to file a motion to disclose even though she already filed a motion but didn't include her own income tax return.

[rockscan]

Its against the federal child support guidelines to take whatever she feels you should pay. You can remind her lawyer of that.

[Tandem80]

Can you elaborate I don't understand.

We're still back and forth with letters and proposals.

She also is reducing my visitations by enrolling the kids in weekend only sports and saying it's a material change in circumstances.

[HammerDad]

As it sounds like you aren't self employed, I would agree to adjust child support based off Line 150 of your prior years NoA. Whether your income goes up or down within a year is immaterial. You base everything off of your actual income for the year. I would not agree to a provision that restricts your ability to adjust c/s on your actual income for the prior year, and that does not contemplate any sort of catastrophic circumstances to you (ie. injury, loss of the job etc.)

As for her enrolling the kids into activities on the weekends, there are few questions:

1. are you able to ensure they get to the games? Activities are good for the kids and if you can be an active participant and encourage them, that is ultimately the first choice. If you can get them to the activity, then there is no reason for the ex to limit your parenting time.

2. if you can't get the kids to the activities, are these activities that they used to do prior to the divorce? If yes, then a court would likely order that the kids be able to continue. The logic behind that is that it isn't their fault you and the ex decided to divorce. That said, the kids should still come to your place for the weekend. You then make sure they go and you get to show them you are an active parent and willing to accommodate their interests.

3. if the kids didn't do these activities before, did you consent to them being in them? If you consented to them being in the activity, then you kinda are stuck and need to make sure they can go. Again, the kids should still come to your place for your parenting time. If you didn't consent to the kids being involved, then the ex had no right to register the kids in activities that interfere with your parenting time. The ex needs your consent to involve the kids in stuff that would be on your time with them.

What sports/activities are we talking about? If it is a sleepover at friends or the ex's family (or similar activities) you tell the ex to either a) get your consent or b) schedule the activity on their parenting time. If the kid is an elite athlete and are going somewhere with it, then you may have to accommodate. But if it is house league hockey or rec dance, the kids are likely better off spending time with their other parent.

[Tandem80]

I have agreed to paying support on my prior years income and she wants to to agree to do same regardless of any unforeseen circumstances.

As for the sports no they were not in them prior to divorce. She unilateral enrolled them into them and they happen to be weekend sports (hockey)

She never asks for consent or informs me of their activities. No I can not get them to their activities all the time. She moved 2 hours away. My job is dispatched. So I can not commit to their sporting travel requirements.

I truly believe they were enrolled in these sports to slowly take away my access.

[HammerDad]

First off, you made a mistake allowing the kids to move 2 hours away. When the ex moved, you should've filed a motion to have them returned to their familiar jurisdiction. The ex can move all they want, the kids can't. However, depending on how long ago that was, it is unlikely that you can cause the kids to move back.

So the ex never consulted you about the activities and unilaterally enrolled them when they had never done them before? Well in that case, I'd let the ex know to get bent! Should she attempt to deny access due to an activity on your parenting time, I would send an email advising them that they do not have the ability to unilaterally determine when you exercise your parenting time. That they never sought your consent to the activity, and you have not otherwise consented. While having the children involved in activities is important, that it is also important that they have full and loving relationship with both of their parents. That should they want to enroll the children into activities, that they ensure that such activity doesn't interfere with your parenting time. And should the activity interfere with your parenting time, that they seek your prior consent to enrolling the children. That due to their unilateral decision to move from the child's familiar location, you cannot facilitate the activities at this time. As such, you expect the children to be made available for your parenting time as per the agreement/order/status quo.

It may require you to seek the assistance of your lawyer should the ex deny you your parenting time. If they do deny your parenting time, you need to send them an email advising you do not agree with their unilateral decision to withhold the children, and ask that they provide makeup time for the missed time at the earliest opportunity. Give 3 dates that work for you, let them choose one. State that if they do not advise by X date (like 3-4 days from your email), you will choose a date and inform them as soon as possible.

You need to do everything via email. If the ex calls, let it go to voicemail. You then listen to the voicemail, if it is an emergency regarding the kids, you call back. If it is child related, but not an emergency (ie. they are saying you can't pick up the kids) you send an email back noting their voicemail and advising of your position. If it is just them ranting, ignore it.

Activities are good for the kids. Your ex needs to understand that they need your consent to enroll them into stuff that impacts you. If it is all on their parenting time, they don't need to consult you unless they expect you to pay part.

[Tandem80]

She already filed a motion back in April. She stated I have unreasonabley withheld consent but the truth is she never did ask for consent and enrolled my son into minor hockey.

She is already taking me to court over this.

Currently we are trying to adjust our court order.

I have offered a set budget for extracurricular activities and that she does not require consent however any activities that happen during my time will be missed.

Now she is saying if I am not home at time of drop off then she gets to keep the kids to take to their activities until I am home. She just doesn't want my kids left with my wife (for no good reason)

It's all about control.

I am ok if the kids tend to their activities but will require her to have them at my place as soon as I am home from work.

[Tandem80]

I have an email from her in May saying my daughter is in skating on Wednesday only....now all of a sudden she is in skating Fridays until late in the evening. My access is supposed to start at 3:30. She is trying to alienate me by enrolling in activities that are basically every weekend.

[Tandem80]

If I decided to say screw it let's go to court...would a judge see me as being unreasonable even if I have emails and texts from my ex stating she agreed to not enroll into minor hockey, and wasn't asking for contribution?

[trinton]

Agree to pay child support based on previous years income. Ignore further correspondences from her lawyer. Or you could just resent them your old response and say, not sure if you received my response on this issue. Here is a copy in case you have misplaced it.

Mom can't enroll child on activities without your consent. You should not agree to pay them if you didn't agree with them. Especially if they fall on your weekend. She can't dictate your weekend with the kids.

If we keep letting custodial parents do these things, then we are doomed. We have to keep pushing back guys. Take your power back and stop allowing your ex to own you. They really don't. They're the shit that get's stuck to your shoes and you just have to wipe them off your shoes and keep your shoes clean.

[Tandem80]

They are drafting a consent order and are putting a provision in there about me by being able to adjust support if I lose my job. I'm perfectly fine adjusting yearly that is certainly not an issue.

The sports...I simply stated I will pay my share without consent but they will not be attending their sports on my weekend as we live hours apart. He lawyer stated it would do our relationship well if I made sure I took them to their sports on my time. I disagree I think it does my children well to spend time with me and their sister and grandparents and cousins.

I understand sports are important and I am not refusing to pay my share of them however I only see the kids every other weekend and it would be nice if she respected that and stopped enrolling kids in weekend - time consuming activities.

The budget is to help us eliminate disagreements and with that I did say I will decide what I will do with the kids on my weekends.

Again would a judge even side with me? Probably not. So that's why we're trying to compromise but she is still trying to take control.

[Tandem80]

Would a judge actually not make me pay when I have not been given notice and asked consent? She states I keep refusing but I have not been asked. I can't see a judge actually asking her to prove her efforts . She is a narcissist, she gets away with everything. So i simply offered a budget per child per year. She can do what she wants with the budget re sports. Once budget is maxed out that's it for e till the next year. Is this not reasonable or am i shooting my self in the foot with this suggestion.

[blinkandimgone]

You have stated that you would pay...this somewhat implies your consent as well as your agreement to pay. If you've put this in writing to them, it will surely be brought forward and you will likely be held to it.

[trinton]

You have stated that you would pay...this somewhat implies your consent as well as your agreement to pay. If you've put this in writing to them, it will surely be brought forward and you will likely be held to it.

What if there was no consultation or agreement prior to enrollment ?

Sports do not generally qualify as section 7 expenses, why you you even offer to pay something you were not consulted for and something that does not qualify as S7. do you enjoy your ex making unilateral decisions? What's next golf and horseback riding?

Do not agree to pay if you lose your job. You will agree to adjust every year based on previous year income. period.

Her lawyers sounds like my ex's lawyer - got yelled at by the judge. I have feeling her lawyer is going to get yelled at too.

[Tandem80]

I thought "without prejudice" means they can't use settlement offers in court?

I have never agreed to the specific sport at hand. And I have proof of that in my responding affidavit. I am only agreeing on a max budget for kids sports. It's basically about the money for her.