being a male, will possibly get spousal support

[jays2017]

- give you a bit of details of the situation
married 12 years and have a 9 year son ...i make the make 60000 a year
she makes 110000...we have lived in our house 10 years and the house is paid off...house worth approx 950000...wife will be seeing a lawyer this week to get the seperation started and in 1 year divorce..same time i will see a lawyer soon...live in mississauga and talked about joint custody where we both find a place of our own, most likely a townhouse...
my question is will i get spousal support in my situation...and also child support..
- also yesterday mentioned about the spousal support and she freaked out saying i will get nothing and she will go for full custody if i go for spousal support

thanks

[arabian]

HALT !

You have equity (home) and both have good jobs. If the two of you start litigating the only people who come out ahead will be lawyers. Both you and your wife will be told what you want to hear from your lawyers.....

Unless you want to part with some major money (far exceeding amounts either of you would possibly pay for SS and CS) think of ways for the two of you can come to and agreement. You want to dial-down the nasty, threatening dialogue between the two of you (lawyers will want to do the opposite with aggressive letters).

Do your own independent research (and encourage your ex to do same) and then suggest the two of you meet up to have a civil discussion. Include in that discussion future plans for your son's education.

[jays2017]

Thanks for the reply..
back to my initial question..am i entitled to spousal support
thanks

[Berner_Faith]

Thanks for the reply..
back to my initial question..am i entitled to spousal support
thanks

Why do you think you would be entitled? What did you sacrifice during the marriage to be entitled? Did you take years off to raise the child? Did you relocate for her job? Research SS and see if you fit the criteria but income disparity alone isn't enough to award SS.


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[jays2017]

good points, just thought after a marriage , the courts would see to still have the same standard of living...as in my situation...will most liking have to move out of mississauga as housing is expensive..so was thinking move west if not get spousal support, if can get ,,can be in the same city as my child
thanks

[arabian]

check out the "with child" calclulator

Spousal Support Advisory Guidelines

Much on determining eligibility of SS comes down to the discretion of the judge... unlike CS, SS is determined on an individual basis.

The longer you were married the more your two incomes merged together to establish standard of living. Of course, it goes without saying, when two people separate BOTH people lose standard of living unless you are wealthy. SS comes into play when one person is clearly disadvantaged by the end of the marriage.

So, for a couple with no children of the marriage, you split the assets/debts. The top end of SS would be 50% of difference of your gross income (1/2 of 50k difference would be 25k/year in SS).

You have to calculate, using the SSAG guidelines, what the calculation for SS is for with children. I believe the amount would be considerably less.

Your wife may THINK she can request and obtain sole custody and make you pay CS. It certainly isn't that simple (there are many threads on this forum where you can find out why).

So you go to your lawyer and cut him a retainer for a minimum of 5k. Your monthly bill of letter writing and you and him attending "case conferences" and "4-way meetings" will likely be well over 5k (monthly). Your wife will be looking at the same amount of money. So do the math. Is the amount you would hope to gain for time-limited SS (don't assume it will be indefinite unless you meet criteria) worth it in the end? You can look at the time limitations by reading up on "rule of 65." Basically you combine your age at time of separation with years married. If the number exceeds 65 then you may be entitled to indefinite SS. Be aware, however, that "indefinite" SS can amount to 100.00/month - nothing is guaranteed.

Lots for you to research unless you merely want to pay your lawyer to meet with you and explain everything to you (at 400.00/hr + I'd recommend you get up-to-speed).

[rockscan]

SS is not a given because you make less than your ex. Its to compensate a spouse who gave up their earning ability to support the other spouse. My partner was entitled to SS not because his ex made double his income but because he sacrificed his earning ability by staying home with the kids and not being more mobile for his career. If you both worked and it just happens that you are at your regular salary for your job and she is at the regular salary for her job then the likelihood of getting SS is low.

Keeping standards of living the same only relates to kids. If you have 50/50 offset then she would pay you the difference in child support.

Everyone who says you need to do some research and don't blow you equalization on a lawyer is right on the money. Don't waste $20,000 you could put onto a townhouse to fight for something you aren't entitled to and for gods sake don't say crap to your ex that will get her hackles up and make the negotiation worse!

[rockscan]

being a male, will possibly get spousal support

so was thinking move west if not get spousal support, if can get ,,can be in the same city as my child
thanks

Should also mention this is a crappy way to look at it. If you cant get spousal you will leave your child? Is your child not worth it? You would walk away with probably $400,000 from the equity if you are smart. Then probably receive ~$400 a month in cs. You could live on that for the sake of your child.

[foreverhome]

- give you a bit of details of the situation
married 12 years and have a 9 year son ...i make the make 60000 a year
she makes 110000...we have lived in our house 10 years and the house is paid off...house worth approx 950000...wife will be seeing a lawyer this week to get the seperation started and in 1 year divorce..same time i will see a lawyer soon...live in mississauga and talked about joint custody where we both find a place of our own, most likely a townhouse...
my question is will i get spousal support in my situation...and also child support..
- also yesterday mentioned about the spousal support and she freaked out saying i will get nothing and she will go for full custody if i go for spousal support

thanks

Spousal support, unlike child, is not mandatory. You not sick, not stay at home dad, you have a job now, you worked before. You have your share of equity. You will get no spousal support.

[mcdreamy]

good points, just thought after a marriage , the courts would see to still have the same standard of living...as in my situation...will most liking have to move out of mississauga as housing is expensive..so was thinking move west if not get spousal support, if can get ,,can be in the same city as my child
thanks

I would suggest you re-evaluate your priorities, and focus on doing your best to remain in the area in which the child CURRENTLY resides, so that you can continue to be an equal parent. Jays - moving away from your son is not an option, for you or for him.

But yes, I believe you are correct in your initial assessment.

The two equal household/child custody will be adjusted financially with cs, and whether you are male/female doesn't really matter in 2017 (although we'll hear certain individuals continue to gripe).

And given the income disparities with your 12-year long-term marriage, a child to raise in two homes. when I combine her income, you should be entitled to/receive SS for a time period, to be negotiated.

[kate331]

Is it not better to be the "Applicant" than the "Respondent"? Jays2017 you may want to get the ball rolling before she does. Hopefully someone with more experience, (I am a newbie at this) can tell you better.

[jays2017]

just a thought

just a thought..is there anyway the judge could grant me full custody and my wife have all the visitation she wants, i would move to kitchener where my parents are and my parents would defenitly help with any day care , dropping off to schoool etc...while my wife right now gets home approx 6 pm...but than again she would buy a townhouse closer to the area where we are now and keep our son at the same school and still be close to his friends...she is a good mother , no faults..
thoughts
thanks

[rockscan]

Pull that and your stbx will go for full custody with you paying full table cs leading to an expensive battle for what you really want--money.

Give your head a shake and start thinking whats best for your son not you!

[Janus]

Some questions:

1) Did you ever stay home for a period of time to watch the kids?
2) Did you ever relocate for your wife's job?
3) Did you ever turn down a promotion due to child care duties?
4) Did you make any job decisions based upon your wife's comfortable income?

If you can answer yes to at least one question, you should pursue SS.

[Tayken]

just a thought..is there anyway the judge could grant me full custody

Unless the other parent is a danger to the children or the communication is so horrible from the other parent the short answer is "NO". "Full Custody" isn't really all that important as your child is 9 and can speak for themselves when it comes to medical issues for the most part. As well, they are well established at school and not much will be able to change when it comes to that as a status quo has been established.

THe best you should hope for is joint custody.

and my wife have all the visitation she wants,

This is effectively called "majority access" and the answer to this is unless the other parent agrees to the answer is NO again.

The best you can (and should) hope for is equal access (50-50).

i would move to kitchener where my parents are and my parents would defenitly help with any day care , dropping off to schoool etc...

Again, unless the other parent agrees to this the answer is not just NO but, NEVER. Habitual residential locations for children are incredibly hard to move by court order. YOu will be in the Peel region and facing judges who are not keen on moving children. You would need a case of significant evidence that it would be in the child's best interests. Sorry to say moving to live with your parents is not enough. Cheaper is not enough.

In fact, if you reside in Mississauga I can almost guarantee that the children will remain in Mississauga. There isn't a sitting judge that I am aware of in Peel that will make that order. You can thank the previous Head Justice Mossip for establishing some pretty sound case law on NOT permitting children to move on a parent's want/desire.

while my wife right now gets home approx 6 pm...but than again she would buy a townhouse closer to the area where we are now and keep our son at the same school and still be close to his friends...she is a good mother , no faults..
thoughts
thanks

The reason you will not get "sole custody", "majority access" nor be able to move the child's "habitual residential location" is highlighted in your own words (bold). She is a good mother and has no faults.

If the other parent is going to talk to a lawyer guess what... The lawyer just told them everything I am telling you. You take this to court and you will be doing as Arabian said... Wasting money.

Find a residence in Mississauga. Don't change the child's school. The whole objective of the best interests is to minimize disruption to the child. So, seeing a parent less, moving to a new city, and having only one parent makes all the decisions is the MOST disruption you could bring.

You are best to try and keep everything as simple as possible, save your legal expenses and come to an agreement for 50-50 access, joint custody and remain in Mississauga.

Furthermore, I don't think you have much of a case for SS. YOu do have a case for offset CS if 50-50 access is agreeded upon or ordered.

Good Luck!
Tayken