sport extracurricular

[alice wong]

Hi. I have sole custody and primary residence. Child is with me most of the time. My ex sees the child only on alternating weekends. During his Saturday he takes the child to recreational gymnastics 1.5 hour.

1. My ex agreed to pay towards music lessons for my LO . Child has music lessons 2 times per week. My ex agreed to pay his share for 1 lesson per week (each lesson is 45 min). The music teacher recommends music lesson twice a week.

Is there a chance to win this if taken to court?

2. I want the child to attend gymnastics on a regular basis with idea that if child succeeds, it'll be competitive sport . My ex refuses to support this idea claiming that he already takes her to gymnastics of his choice.
I can't afford $250 per month gymnastics on my own but feel as though it is important that the child attends to sport activity on a regular basis.

What are my chances to win this if I take it up with court?

[rockscan]

Theres actually two issues here:

1. Is this an extra-ordinary cost?
2. Is it worth going to court?

Number 1 is decided by income with child support, need/necessity of the activity and impact to dads time.

How much is your monthly child support? Is your child likely an olympic hopeful? Is there an opportunity for a lower cost option within the community?

Number 2 is determined by how much you would get for the cost, how much you have to spend and whether you want to go broke.

If you cant afford $250 a month for a sport then you likely cant afford to go to court.

Find a lower cost option or give up one of the activities. Even intact families cant afford these things and if you couldn't do the activities before the divorce, you don't get to sign up for them thinking you would get a pay day later. What you would like your child to do is a far cry from what the court would decide and unless your kid is the next piano prodigy or Nadia Comaneci, you're out of luck.

[dad2bandm]

...My ex agreed to pay towards music lessons for my LO...

The child you both had, yes?

...During his Saturday he takes the child to recreational gymnastics 1.5 hour...

...I want the child to attend gymnastics on a regular basis with idea that if child succeeds, it'll be competitive sport . My ex refuses to support this idea claiming that he already takes her to gymnastics of his choice.

To clarify, your ex puts child in gymnastics already, which he pays for on his own right now? She only attends every other weekend during his time now? Are you contributing to that one now? But you wish to enter child into other/more advanced gymnastics of your choosing, and you want ex to chip in for that one.

Why wouldn't your child just attend gymnastics every weekend right now, and you both share in that cost? How old is the child?

Seems ridiculous that you would go to court over this.

[alice wong]

The child you both had, yes?



To clarify, your ex puts child in gymnastics already, which he pays for on his own right now? She only attends every other weekend during his time now? Are you contributing to that one now? But you wish to enter child into other/more advanced gymnastics of your choosing, and you want ex to chip in for that one.

Why wouldn't your child just attend gymnastics every weekend right now, and you both share in that cost? How old is the child?

Seems ridiculous that you would go to court over this.

Yes, our common child. Well, we live in two separate cities 100 km away from each other. He chose to enroll the child into gymnastics recreational, "Fun & Fit" they call it. When he enrolled , he clearly stated that he will not ask for my contributions. This gym is far away from where I live. so, the child attends there once in 2 week span time. I would like for the child (6 yr old) to attend sport like activity more regularly, like 2-4 times per week and make it a routine. This gymnastics costs $250 on beginning level and the price moves up when the kids progresses into competitive level.

[rockscan]

Having a six year old in activities six times a week plus school is likely unreasonable.

Like I said - what you would like and what is reasonable are two different things. It would be difficult to find a judge who would agree that six to seven activities a week are necessary and then you would be paying thousands to fight for a loss.

Your ex isn't being cheap or unreasonable in my opinion.

[stripes]

Going to court over an extra music lesson per week and a different gymnastics program for a six-year-old is really a waste of everyone's time, including yours. It sounds like she has plenty of activities to keep her busy, and I don't see any unreasonable behavior on the part of her father. Just because he doesn't agree with you on the timing of her extracurricular activities doesn't mean that he's wrong and you're right.

[Pursuinghappiness]

Holy nickle and diming. You have 2 or 3 active posts about stuff that is just petty. Honestly, you have an ex that is already paying for and taking your child to activities that are perfectly appropriate for their age and after school time.

If you want to increase this...make more money and pay for it yourself because you bugging your ex for money for tylenol (seriously? tylenol?!?) and a ridiculous amount of sports for a 6 year old is just silliness.

If I were him, I'd say absolutely not because you'd lose in court and there's no way that someone who's trying to get me to pay for a bottle of tylenol is going to pay for a lawyer and court.

Good lawd....*rolling my eyes*...

[arabian]

Over the years while I've been in the courtroom waiting for my case to be called, I have often heard people's lawyers (usually client isn't present) arguing over music/piano lessons. I was quite dumbfounded by this as I thought it was pretty trivial stuff to have one's lawyer argue in court... thinking if you have lots and lots of money this shouldn't be an issue. However, upon quick mathematics I realized that the private music lessons and specialized gymnastics can add up to quite a tidy sum.

Of course one of the first things out-of-the gate is determination if the proposed activities are affordable to the payor and often to the payee. 80.00/week for private lessons can add up. The costumes (dance), travel to competitions, are on top of that. Before you know it, the monthly amount is more than many people pay/receive for basic child support.

If affordability is not an issue then the judge might very well look at the whole picture... would the proposed activity be something that the child would have enjoyed had the family stayed intact... how would the proposed activity impact the child's academics....how would the proposed activity affect the parenting schedule (adding to conflict w.r.t. pick-up/delivery to proposed activity) and so on.

Is the child taking copious amounts of Tylenol or other over-the-counter product? (Last time I bought a bottle of Advil it was around 10.00 and lasted many months). I think over-the-counter products would be part of child support. If a child requires frequent pain medication then a prescription would be logical.

Perhaps look into volunteering at a place where your child can benefit from the socialization and exercise at little or not cost to you.

$250.00/month for gymnastics is for rich kids in my opinion. Some people only receive 300.00/month for child support. If you feel that you are entitled to this amount, based on your ex's income, then you should probably do what others so in your situation... hire a lawyer to duke it out in court.

[Pursuinghappiness]

My daughter has taken ballet, piano for years and in the past 2 years started taking guitar lessons. When I've increased time for those lessons because I thought it was a good thing to do...I paid for it myself.

Why?

Because my ex and I don't agree on most things...which is why we're divorced. So he doesn't have a say in my decision making process and since he doesn't, he shouldn't be forced to pay for it. We negotiated a reasonable split during our divorce and everything since then, I handle the decision as if I'm a single parent...because that's how I make those decisions...by myself.

So its very simple. If this woman's ex doesn't agree...then its her responsibility.

And anyone who is silly enough to ask for money for a bottle of tylenol isn't responsible enough to have children. She gets CS to cover reasonable expenses...and if you still can't manage reasonable expenses with CS, then you need work harder to afford the children that you decided to have. Thinking you can run to some magical money fairy every time that you incur a child care expense that you don't feel like paying for is HIGHLY unreasonable.

I'm completely against nickle and diming ex spouses for crap like this. I regularly incur expenses for my kid that I guess I could run after my ex for...but it would be a stupid and annoying thing to do. I find it hard to believe that this ex doesn't incur a fair amount of expenses when the kid is with him that he just pays for without trying to get petty with her about too.

There's a common theme in all of this poster's threads that is very disturbing. Like I said, I feel sorry for this guy...this is exactly the type of mentality and behavior that a lot of divorced men get tired of...and for good reason.

[rockscan]

My partners ex was content to make them broke to make sure the kids had every activity their little hearts desired. When they divorced the amount of credit card and line of credit debt was ridiculous. She tried it again after the divorce and he said no. It was unreasonable. She ended going broke continuing it. As a comparison, a family member of mine told their kids that mom and dad could afford ONE activity and the agreed on a sport that didnt interfere with school. The extra money they would have spent on additional activities went into an RESP.

[Lolita123]

I like the statements that talk about if both parents can afford it then gezzzz just think of the best interest of the child in this situation.. Unfortunately, we deal with 2 big issues... the law (which I keep arguing that those guidelines have to be reviewed) and also unreasonable people... I am separated and my spouse also... I also have children from a previous relationship and I have a very reasonable ex spouse... We put the children not first... but have their best interest at heart and they are in sports... 1 is in cheerleading and the other in diving... for both of them... in a year... my share is $1200... so about $100 a month... We do not pay any support to one another, we are 50/50 custody. My new spouse has his children every other weekends, 50/50 over summer and goes for a visit once a week (she lives 1 hour away).


He pays $1286 a month in child support (based on her having 100% of the time the children.. thank you guidelines) and she receives $1000 a month from CCB+Provincial benefits... ) plus her work income is $1200 per pay... so a NET income of approx. $4600 NET a month.. plus other low income benefits that she gets... in her mind, my new spouse is responsible to pay 73% of the cost of baseball.. it lasts only a few weeks.. and it's $130! In her mind... that is part of section 7... even after showing her that it's not... That whole section 7 (apart for medical, school etc.. ) is an issue... especially when you deal with someone who will not hesitate to have the children 'pay' just to prove her point... which his wrong...


She gave us all the excuses in the book... I don't want to sign him up on weekend stuff.. ok we found a 2 nights a week... then It was I don't have the money right now I have to change my breaks... we offered to pay and deduct it by $30 on the CS payment... nop... she won't go for that.. that is when she brought up that he was responsible to pay above an beyond the CS...


I agree that people need to stop arguing over every dollar but when you are in a position that a person clearly is not using the money for the children... it becomes a frustrating situation since the system allows it...

[rockscan]

My partners ex makes double what he makes and with cs shes over 100k a year. She INSISTS they split things that are $20 or $25 or $100 because “it adds up quickly” and they “must do what’s best for the children”. As I always say unreasonable people will never see it reasonably.

[Lolita123]

I like the statements that talk about if both parents can afford it then gezzzz just think of the best interest of the child in this situation.. Unfortunately, we deal with 2 big issues... the law (which I keep arguing that those guidelines have to be reviewed) and also unreasonable people... I am separated and my spouse also... I also have children from a previous relationship and I have a very reasonable ex spouse... We put the children not first... but have their best interest at heart and they are in sports... 1 is in cheerleading and the other in diving... for both of them... in a year... my share is $1200... so about $100 a month... We do not pay any support to one another, we are 50/50 custody. My new spouse has his children every other weekends, 50/50 over summer and goes for a visit once a week (she lives 1 hour away).


He pays $1286 a month in child support (based on her having 100% of the time the children.. thank you guidelines) and she receives $1000 a month from CCB+Provincial benefits... ) plus her work income is $1200 per pay... so a NET income of approx. $4600 NET a month.. plus other low income benefits that she gets... in her mind, my new spouse is responsible to pay 73% of the cost of baseball.. it lasts only a few weeks.. and it's $130! In her mind... that is part of section 7... even after showing her that it's not... That whole section 7 (apart for medical, school etc.. ) is an issue... especially when you deal with someone who will not hesitate to have the children 'pay' just to prove her point... which his wrong...


She gave us all the excuses in the book... I don't want to sign him up on weekend stuff.. ok we found a 2 nights a week... then It was I don't have the money right now I have to change my breaks... we offered to pay and deduct it by $30 on the CS payment... nop... she won't go for that.. that is when she brought up that he was responsible to pay above an beyond the CS...


I agree that people need to stop arguing over every dollar but when you are in a position that a person clearly is not using the money for the children... it becomes a frustrating situation since the system allows it...

ON a side note.. His son is still not enrolled in baseball cause she doesn't have any money but she just purchased and financed a $19,000 car! Ridiculous! So sad for the children in those situation.

[thh1]

I have the same situation where my ex is not allowed to register kids in sports program under my parenting time. Any suggestion?