Mediation - Final decisions?

[Bellbaby]

Hello,

I had a few questions related to the mediation process. In general, did you find mediation as a positive or negative experience? Why? Any tips for mediation?

My ex husband is trying to lower his costs related to spousal support, child support, not providing full disclosure, etc. Yet we are amicable enough to speak to one another. I think mediation could be a possibility...

If we do mediation, and I feel forced to agree to something I'm not comfortable with, can court or further litigation be used down the road? Or is the mediation agreement the be all and end all?

And if he does not follow an order in the mediation agreement he is to adhere to, can court be used as a possible recourse?

[Tayken]

My ex husband is trying to lower his costs related to spousal support, child support, not providing full disclosure, etc. Yet we are amicable enough to speak to one another. I think mediation could be a possibility...

Mediation is a possibility if both parties are willing to be reasonable.

The only time mediation doesn't work is when:

1. One or both parties have a mental illness.
2. One or both parties have a substance abuse issue.
3. One or both parties are unwilling to compromise.

If you are dealing with an issue of disclosure then mediation wouldn't be a great option. The mediator has no means to order any party to do something. They can ask nicely but, they have no arbitrating powers over the parties.

My recommendation to you would be to go to arbitration to resolve the matter. You could try mediation-arbitration but, generally if you have one party not disclosing information that is required then the "mediation" component is a waste of time and money.

If we do mediation, and I feel forced to agree to something I'm not comfortable with, can court or further litigation be used down the road? Or is the mediation agreement the be all and end all?

Mediation is non binding and most agreements do not permit the information shared in mediation to be presented before a court. The reason being is: Mediation is an attempt at settling a matter and settlement offers etc... are not permitted as evidence. So, everything discussed at mediation is generally not admissible until such time a court considers costs. Again this is all based on your mediation agreement.

Arbitration works differently. It can be conducted like a private court. They can award costs and make orders. I would recommend this option as the better alternative to mediation. Many situations like yours do not get resolved in mediation. Full and frank financial disclosure is required to settle a matter like SS and CS. If the mediator can't order the disclosure and award costs (or other penalties for not following the order) then it ends up being a huge waste of money and ends up in litigation anyways.

Arbitration is the way to put the funds you would spend on mediation towards something that is binding on both parties and ends in a result (decision and order).

And if he does not follow an order in the mediation agreement he is to adhere to, can court be used as a possible recourse?

The result of mediation would be an agreement. Mediators don't issue orders. Yes, you can have an agreement later enforced by the FRO and/or the courts if it is properly written.

In your matter with a party unwilling to provide full and frank financial disclosure I would recommend a more "litigious" approach through arbitration. Arbitration has more teeth.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[anonymous]

I agree with everything Tayken has said. I initially had (or thought I had) a good experience with mediation, however, I later learned that the mediator was not competent in completing the NFP. It was not that we were hiding anything, she just wasn't specific about the importance of values "date of marriage" and "date of separation". Those "little" mistakes cost me approximately $60k in the division of property.

We went to lawyers AFTER mediation to write up the final agreement and both lawyers took the mediators paperwork and nobody questioned the NFP (or lack of). Now I am fighting it.

Don't make the same mistake. Do your homework. Get every piece of financial information you can. For example.. they just asked for my RRSP statement (which I provided). Later I learned that all I had to do was ask the RRSP company to value it based on the proper dates. I didn't know this at the time and the mediator never said anything. That mistake alone was $17k.

I just can't stress enough to do your homework!

[Rioe]

I had a few questions related to the mediation process. In general, did you find mediation as a positive or negative experience? Why? Any tips for mediation?

My ex husband is trying to lower his costs related to spousal support, child support, not providing full disclosure, etc. Yet we are amicable enough to speak to one another. I think mediation could be a possibility...

If we do mediation, and I feel forced to agree to something I'm not comfortable with, can court or further litigation be used down the road? Or is the mediation agreement the be all and end all?

And if he does not follow an order in the mediation agreement he is to adhere to, can court be used as a possible recourse?

If he's not cooperative enough to provide the necessary information to come to a fair agreement, mediation is not going to work.

On the other hand, mediation can't force you to agree to anything. You can always end mediation if you feel it's going in directions you can't agree with.