New gf with kid moving in, do we split the living costs?

[notdeadyet]

we will be having an agreement drawn up before we do move in together and updated later to reflect who put what down as a down payment on the house we buy together.

When the time comes you may want to consider registering title to a home proportionally to your respective down payments. For example if one party contributes 20% and the other 80% the title can reflect that ownership even to a fraction of a percentage which makes it very clear.

Obviously any payments after that point and while you are living together may dilute or confuse that but unless the title is changed this remains the modus operandi to divide the asset especially if you have an agreement reflecting same. You'll also want to make sure that if you are both on the equally mortgage that you indemnify the other against any claim the bank has against them, in excess of the portion of the home they actually own.

This always leaves open the door to gift the balance to a spouse later on, maybe you decide that's 10-20 years after marriage or it doesn't come up again unless you move.

[Links17]

How about we stop using the terms 'man' and 'woman' and start using 'higher' and 'lower income earner'. I'm a woman and my ex tried to take me to the cleaners as well. Goes BOTH WAYS.

My situation is different because I own half our house, but my partner and I have a joint account that we each contribute a set amount to every paycheck for all household bills - including groceries. Anything above that amount is our own to do with whatever we want. Mine goes to child support ;( Lucky me.

Theoretically you are right but it would distort/hide the reality that 95% of support is M --> F and 70% of divorces are filed by women

[standing on the sidelines]

Theoretically you are right but it would distort/hide the reality that 95% of support is M --> F and 70% of divorces are filed by women

please back up your claims with the website where you got that information.

[Links17]

I hope the citation police apply the law equally
______
In 2011, almost two-thirds (64%) of non-resident parents reported that they were currently paying child support, most of whom were fathers (92%). Payments of child support were also reported by 19% of parents whose child spent equal amounts of time with them and the other parent. On the other hand, child support was received by 41% of resident parents. Of these recipients, 93% were mothers.

Parenting and child support after separation or divorce


In the eight jurisdictions examined, about 83,000 cases were enrolled in a maintenance enforcement program (MEP) on March 31, 2010 (Table 1). The vast majority (97%) of recipients were women.2

Child and spousal support in metropolitan and non-metropolitan areas, 2009/2010



https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...tiate-divorce/

Notice how women file divorce far more often than men but DO not break up not marital relationships more often men, what's the difference $$$$?

[HappyMomma]

Theoretically you are right but it would distort/hide the reality that 95% of support is M --> F and 70% of divorces are filed by women

Currently, more men are the higher income earners than women so of course the statistics reflect that. But that is changing, and the number of women being taking to the cleaners is on the rise as well.

Using people is not gender-specific.
Lying is not gender-specific.
Seeking revenge is not gender-specific.
Assault is not gender-specific.
Assholes are not gender-specific

[Links17]

But that is changing, and the number of women being taking to the cleaners is on the rise as well.

***Dials 711 -

"Hi, Citation Police - I'd like to report an unsubstantiated fact on a forum - please hurry, I think somebody might get misled!!! Please make them post their independent source!"

*** Hangs Up

[FirstTimer]

I was gone for abit and this board amazes me every time. Wasn't expecting so many different very GOOD and valid points of view depending on the context of everyone's experiences here.

As a background for me, Arabian, you are right as others here that I should have set the ground rules from the get go, and hence I'm here. I'm going to have a hard and difficult conversation with her but we need to both agree on what's fair coming into this.

I have no one to blame but myself in getting into this situation. For most of my whole life, I've never lived with an SO and all that I've gained, I've done myself. Having went through not so stable ex who is the the mother of my son, I am definitely leery of what can happen when things turn for the bad.

Do I think the new gf is anything like her, I don't think so and so it could come down to not understanding and agreeing to what's fair. At least in my head.

I guess what I've learned most from this forum is we have good intentions but life sometimes isn't about that...it's about making sure you're protected and especially your own child.

I have always contributed far more to the bills than my husband regardless of who was the higher earner, and that has swung back and forth over the years depending on circumstances.

My big downfall was not enforcing a sense of responsibility and fair contributions from him right from the get go, and it's pretty hard later on to say, well I know I took care of the bills before, but now you need to shape up. I basically enabled the behavior and now have to take my share of the blame for our current difficulties.

I highly recommend having honest discussions about finances and obligations prior to moving in together.

[arabian]

Yeah that convo will indeed be awkward but well worth it. Take her for a nice dinner after she signs a rental agreement LOL.

If you were to be hit by a truck, and she can prove you support her, she might have a valid claim against your estate. Might not be a bad idea to update your will and make sure everything is in order.

Good to see you are moving on with your life.

[HammerDad]

I'd cover your ass and do not co-mingle anything. If need be have her sign a rental agreement.

I'd keep the words "mortgage" totally out of anything. It's your home - not hers.

So much of this ^^^^^^^

I didn't read the whole thread, but this is what best covers your butt.

The g/f is renting space in your house until the point you marry, at which time they get an actual interest. If you value you equity in the house I would recommend that a co-habitation agreement is signed, and that it provides that the g/f pays rent. You can work out the amounts however you like, but paying a little now to do this right could save you hassles down the road.

[FirstTimer]

Thanks, I've just sent off an email to my lawyer asking her that we do some sort of cohabitation agreement or something. We both have assets, she has her condo and I have my house and on my end.

Hammerdad, you bring up a good point, till we get married we should talk about that but right now we are just living together.

Again, I appreciate everyone's responses...gave me ALOT to think about.

[standing on the sidelines]

Thanks, I've just sent off an email to my lawyer asking her that we do some sort of cohabitation agreement or something. We both have assets, she has her condo and I have my house and on my end.

Hammerdad, you bring up a good point, till we get married we should talk about that but right now we are just living together.

Again, I appreciate everyone's responses...gave me ALOT to think about.

Just word it to your gf that you are wanting for each of you to protect what you each have. Try not to make it sound like you are just wanting to cover your own ass.

[Links17]

Just to bring up a point . Where in Canada is the "matrimonial" home 50/50 even if is owned free and clear at the point if marriage? I thought it was ontario...

[FirstTimer]

I'm in Alberta

[FirstTimer]

Great point, and I will try to be as honest as possible. This is not just covering my ass but this is for my son as well. If we go our seperate ways, I'm his breadwinner so I'll do what I need to make sure he gets what he deserves.

She had thought of selling her condo and I had told her to keep it and rent it out if she can find someone to cover the mortgage. That way she could build some equity and have something to fall back on if this failed. She had mentioned a story from her broker that there was a similar situation where this lady moved in, sold her house and put xx,xxx dollars into home with guy. Then they broke up and she had nothing.

So I guess I have to take my own advice and protect myself as well.

Just word it to your gf that you are wanting for each of you to protect what you each have. Try not to make it sound like you are just wanting to cover your own ass.

[stripes]

... and if you and GF are in Alberta, she probably doesn't want to be putting real estate on the market right now. Give it a year or two until the economy stabilizes, and she could probably get a better price (and by then, you'll have a pretty good idea if this cohabitation is going to last for the long term or if she'll be moving back to her condo ...).