New gf with kid moving in, do we split the living costs?

[FirstTimer]

So my new gf has moved in to my house with her 2 1/2 year old child. I have a child that is 4 1/2 years old.

We had briefly talked about and I had said she would help pay the mortgage as well the utilities. She mentioned she would be willing to pay for the groceries. I said I will see how that goes.

Realistically, the groceries after seeing it in place doesn't really make sense as the main concern being that I would have to ask her if I want to buy groceries if she is to pay, there are times where I just want to go out and buy groceries.

Is it not fair to ask her to pay an equal portion of mortgage and utitilities and property tax? She moved out of her condo, and is renting it out now. So really her only expenses is groceries.

What are everyone's thoughts? How do you split the housing expenses? I don't like to bring it up but I feel this is putting me at a huge disadvantage financially? Am I not right?

[standing on the sidelines]

If you want her to pay half the mortgage etc then wouldn't it be fair that she gets a share in the house?

How about she pays a share of utilities and the groceries and you pay for the house stuff? That way there is a clean line of who owns the house. she doesn't put money in for the mortgage/taxes/insurance then she wont feel ripped off.

You wont be at a greater financial disadvantage if she is offering to buy groceries then that is one cost that is cut down for you. Just get her to pay half the utilities then you are not out of pocket really for that either. Those are the only things that will go up if she moves in.

[PeacefulMoments]

I think maybe something in between. She could pay a reasonable set amount that would be considered somewhat as "rent" and maybe contribute equally to a kitty for groceries etc. Just groceries is maybe not enough and half your mortgage and utilities seems a bit much since you are getting the equity. I would definitely have this worked out before though. It could make for arguments and hurt feelings if you just wing it and end up having vastly different ideas of what should happen after they already are moved in.

[FirstTimer]

I was originally thinking that if she helped with the mortgage, that she would get whatever the payment was plus the equity if we were ever to go our separate ways. *very much like a divorce i guess, whatever the equity is*.

I would like her to ask for portion of utilities as well as portion of mortgage as "rent", sorry I didn't mean to say equal as I would still pay the major portion.

I just had an aha moment today and someone had been laid off at our workplace. I thought about me and how I would be screwed as I have a mortgage etc and child to support. However, in her case if she was laid off, it would she still lives with me, and her only expense is groceries and has a condo that she is renting out.

Everything is for the best intents and purposes but aren't we supposed to be in this equally and fairly. Equally not meaning 50/50 but fair.

[rockscan]

I pay all the utilities and we have a grocery budget (I buy them). He pays mortgage, taxes and insurance (and child support). It works well for both of us as we're both saving money over paying for two houses.

[standing on the sidelines]

I was originally thinking that if she helped with the mortgage, that she would get whatever the payment was plus the equity if we were ever to go our separate ways. *very much like a divorce i guess, whatever the equity is*.

I would like her to ask for portion of utilities as well as portion of mortgage as "rent", sorry I didn't mean to say equal as I would still pay the major portion.

I just had an aha moment today and someone had been laid off at our workplace. I thought about me and how I would be screwed as I have a mortgage etc and child to support. However, in her case if she was laid off, it would she still lives with me, and her only expense is groceries and has a condo that she is renting out.

Everything is for the best intents and purposes but aren't we supposed to be in this equally and fairly. Equally not meaning 50/50 but fair.

if you got laid off you would still have a mortgage and a child to support, her living with you wouldn't change that.

[dinkyface]

As an aside, does she realise that she will now be taxed on any gains when she sells her condo, because it is no longer her principal residence? Taxable amount is prorated by years when it changed use. Suggest she file the election to keep her condo as her principal residence - which can only be done for 4 years.

[arabian]

I'd cover your ass and do not co-mingle anything. If need be have her sign a rental agreement.

I'd keep the words "mortgage" totally out of anything. It's your home - not hers.

[Rioe]

If you can't sit down with her and come up with a fair way to handle cohabitation finances together, then she is not someone you want to have a relationship with.

These conversations should also have been had before she moved in, but too late for that in your case.

[Links17]

Go to a forum.mensdivorce.com and ask there...

Seriously, kick her the *** out, and just do the booty calls and that's it.

I can't wait till you come back saying umm... My GF is trying to get me for in loco parentis and she wants half the house because you REALIZE you that the house you live in becomes the matrimonial residence and will be split 50/50 as long as she lives with you for at least 2 years.....


I CANT BELIEVE THIS..... If I didn't live in Quebec I would never share my home with a woman who didn't make way more money than me....

[North of 40]

I'd have to agree with Links. I've met a few girls since splitting (3 years ago). Some are really attractive, however making significantly less with minimal assets really isn't good for your long well being.

One thing I learned from the system, no matter how great they appear or amiable they are, the claws can come out.

When there's money on the line......be careful....like the lady at the bank said...'you'll survive one of these...you won't survive two'

[arabian]

Make sure that your g/f's ex is paying his appropriate child support. Hopefully the father of the child plays an important/significant role in child's life.

This might be a good time to update your will.

[Beachnana]

How long have you been dating? New girlfriend seems to indicate not long. So If you say her contribution is rent that has to be added to your income and will affect CS. So perhaps she should just contribute a set amount to the household expenses.

Once you know this relationship is going to work in the long term, then you can move to a more formal arrangement. Sell her condo and have joint ownership of your home or sell both and buy a new home.

[dad2bandm]

...she doesn't put money in for the mortgage/taxes/insurance then she wont feel ripped off...

...Just groceries is maybe not enough and half your mortgage and utilities seems a bit much since you are getting the equity...

I guess I have a different way of thinking, as I don't understand how a "new gf" paying half the mortgage or some portion of mortgage (essentially half rent), and half the utilities, would leave one feeling "ripped off".

If someone is paying much more, renting on their own (something comparable or not total crap), they aren't getting any "equity" either. Did she leave her own house, where she was building equity there? (doubtful). Perhaps these "living arrangements" are a huge step up for "new gf"? ex. Moving from 1-bedroom crap-hole, into a nicer house - I could see her "portion" possibly being more than she used to have to pay then?

An offer of just "grocery" money, would set my alarm bells off. (at least now, after experience).

If you want her to pay half the mortgage etc then wouldn't it be fair that she gets a share in the house?

I don't think a "new gf" should have any "share" in the house.

OP, just as an FYI, and disclosure, I went through a similar thing, when ex moved in with me. In hindsight, it was a terrible idea, given who *she* was. We agreed that I would pay the mortgage (her thinking seemed to be, "it's your house, not mine, I'm not helping you pay for your house"), certain bills; and that she would pay for groceries and some of the other bills. Eventually, she started to not pay her portion of the agreed upon bills, and things went downhill from there.

[dad2bandm]

...She moved out of her condo, and is renting it out now. So really her only expenses is groceries...

Sorry, I missed this part. So given this, she's offering to pay for groceries, and that's it?

I would say, whatever you would charge someone to rent a "room" in your place (flatmate, whatever), would be a fair contribution towards what she should put forth, in your "new" living arrangement. That would seem totally fair. You know what works for you though.