New baby on the way. Can I end Spousal Support

[Pursuinghappiness]

The ex has to put her big girl pants on and get to work. Then he will have what he needs. And if I get SS reduced/terminated, I can afford everything he needs.

I think its perfectly reasonable and fair to have the SS reviewed for reduction next year and no doubt, she should be working.

Question though, what is your backup plan if things don't go the direction you want them to go in? It wouldn't be unheard of for her to be able to extend the SS allocation.

Question 2, why isn't your new gf trying harder to pursue making the father of her children responsible for them? It seems that its something she should be doing considering that she's now pregnant with another baby.

[blinkandimgone]

How much SS are you paying?

[c800957276]

Question though, what is your backup plan if things don't go the direction you want them to go in? It wouldn't be unheard of for her to be able to extend the SS allocation.

Question 2, why isn't your new gf trying harder to pursue making the father of her children responsible for them? It seems that its something she should be doing considering that she's now pregnant with another baby.

There is no backup plan.
My gf is going back to court to deal with her stuff.

[Pursuinghappiness]

There is no backup plan.

This is what other posters are trying to point out to you. Your anger at your ex...while understandable..is misguided, in that the poor planning here falls solely on you and your gf's shoulders since you both should have a good handle on what your existing obligations are.

Unfortunately, you have an SS obligation...fair or not, you have it. You also have a child to financially take care of.

Your girlfriend sounds like she barely manages financially with the kids she already has. Now she's pregnant again which means she's going to have maternity leave, less time to manage work hours, and a lot more expense.

I actually don't understand your gf at all. She's already has two kids with a guy who doesn't support them and manages two kids on one salary. Then she goes and gets pregnant again with a guy she's not married to? It doesn't make a lot of sense. Her primary obligation is to the kids she already has and she should already know she can't rely on a man to help her out...especially one with existing CS and SS orders to his first wife and child. It sounds like a very unhealthy case of Prince Charming syndrome...ie, she keeps thinking someone is going to ride up on a white horse, knock her up, and then take care of her and her offspring. You'd think after the first time of being disappointed, she would have caught on before she got pregnant again.

I think you guys need to seriously sit down and figure out how to cut back on expenses, etc to manage. I get that you're upset with your ex but ultimately she's not really the only irresponsible one in this situation. Seems like there's lots of blame to go around.

I wish you the best...its always tough to bring children into situations like this...I hope you manage to work it out for all the childrens' sakes.

[Links17]

Prince Charming Syndrome

Actually called White Knight Syndrome Urban Dictionary: White Knight Syndrome

Why is she getting knocked up again

Ummm... child support this time from a guy she knows pays - beside who is to say she really ISNT getting the support from the other guy. I think my ex tells people I don't give her anything - she says it to the judges who look at her like she i crazy... no reason this new babymaker isn't lying....


Good Luck...

[mcdreamy]

I actually don't understand your gf at all. She's already has two kids with a guy who doesn't support them and manages two kids on one salary. Then she goes and gets pregnant again with a guy she's not married to? It doesn't make a lot of sense. Her primary obligation is to the kids she already has and she should already know she can't rely on a man to help her out...especially one with existing CS and SS orders to his first wife and child. It sounds like a very unhealthy case of Prince Charming syndrome...ie, she keeps thinking someone is going to ride up on a white horse, knock her up, and then take care of her and her offspring. You'd think after the first time of being disappointed, she would have caught on before she got pregnant again.

I don't understand this either. I needed a year after separation, just to get to a healthy place in my own head (and I wasn't dealing with an ex that was incapable of parenting appropriately). I dated a couple of guys on times that kidlet was with her dad, but would never have committed to a long term relationship, nor introduced partners/their kids. The one I did finally commit to, we hid relationship for a year from kidlet. She knew him as a friend - when we slept over, kidlet and I slept together. In our home, 'dates' started at 9:30 pm and alarm set for 4:30 am - get out. My focus remained 100% on kidlet.

From some of the more male-focused sites I participate with, I don't believe the term is "Prince Charming". The men refer to these other men as "Captain-Save-A-Ho". Just one other term that will not be big or welcome here on ODF.

[Straittohell]

Sometimes, people on this board read way too much into things.

Pregnancy, like shit, sometimes happens. I am sure that they could have been more careful, but pointing not this obvious point is hardly productive.

Allow me to return to the original point behind the post. You new life has no influence on what you have to pay to get out of your old life. Good luck in 2015.

[Pursuinghappiness]

Pregnancy, like shit, sometimes happens. I am sure that they could have been more careful, but pointing not this obvious point is hardly productive

lol...maybe. But let me tell you...if I was barely supporting two kids by myself on my salary and dating a new guy with CS and SS obligations...I would have figured out how to double-gulp a bc pill. And if I were the guy, I would have tripled down on a condom, saran wrap, hefty bag combo. Usually by the time you have 3 kids, you figure out how the plumbing works. Neither one of them have their past relationship financial issues sorted.

The issue is that he places the full blame on his ex-spouse and while she should absolutely be working, I'm simply saying some of his anger is a bit misplaced.

He may get the SS order changed but not for the pregnancy reason and ultimately, there needs to be some kind of a back-up plan in place because it wouldn't be unheard of for her order to be extended.

I truly do wish the OP the best of luck though...regardless of the pregnancy issue, his ex-wife should get off her ass. I hope they hold off on any more pregnancies until they get it worked out with both of their exes though.

[c800957276]

Sometimes, people on this board read way too much into things.

Pregnancy, like shit, sometimes happens. I am sure that they could have been more careful, but pointing not this obvious point is hardly productive.

Allow me to return to the original point behind the post. You new life has no influence on what you have to pay to get out of your old life. Good luck in 2015.

Exactly. Thanks. We'll see how it goes.

[arabian]

lol...maybe. But let me tell you...if I was barely supporting two kids by myself on my salary and dating a new guy with CS and SS obligations...I would have figured out how to double-gulp a bc pill. And if I were the guy, I would have tripled down on a condom, saran wrap, hefty bag combo. Usually by the time you have 3 kids, you figure out how the plumbing works. Neither one of them have their past relationship financial issues sorted.

The issue is that he places the full blame on his ex-spouse and while she should absolutely be working, I'm simply saying some of his anger is a bit misplaced.

He may get the SS order changed but not for the pregnancy reason and ultimately, there needs to be some kind of a back-up plan in place because it wouldn't be unheard of for her order to be extended.

I truly do wish the OP the best of luck though...regardless of the pregnancy issue, his ex-wife should get off her ass. I hope they hold off on any more pregnancies until they get it worked out with both of their exes though.

This is hilarious! (no disrespect to the OP) but gosh it is indeed funny!

[c800957276]

lol...maybe. But let me tell you...if I was barely supporting two kids by myself on my salary and dating a new guy with CS and SS obligations...I would have figured out how to double-gulp a bc pill. And if I were the guy, I would have tripled down on a condom, saran wrap, hefty bag combo. Usually by the time you have 3 kids, you figure out how the plumbing works.

Seriously man?
It is one of those "WTF how's the f*ck did this happen" type of pregnancies where precautions were taken, but oops, "surprise!"...

[Serene]

Seriously man?
It is one of those "WTF how's the f*ck did this happen" type of pregnancies where precautions were taken, but oops, "surprise!"...

Scientifically speaking - you had sex. That's how babies are made. It really doesn't matter if it was double wrapped or not, the baby is coming. Others can chime in all they want about what they would do and wouldn't do, it doesn't change anything: a baby will be born.

[Serene]

I don't understand this either. I needed a year after separation, just to get to a healthy place in my own head (and I wasn't dealing with an ex that was incapable of parenting appropriately). I dated a couple of guys on times that kidlet was with her dad, but would never have committed to a long term relationship, nor introduced partners/their kids. The one I did finally commit to, we hid relationship for a year from kidlet. She knew him as a friend - when we slept over, kidlet and I slept together. In our home, 'dates' started at 9:30 pm and alarm set for 4:30 am - get out. My focus remained 100% on kidlet.

YOU needed a year after separation to get to a healthy place in your head. The OP found companionship much sooner - Good on him!

Clearly your focus wasn't 100% on the child - you were having mommy and bf sleepover play dates lol. All that to say, its easy to present words strung together that create an image of what you want to portray. I however don't personally believe there is a right or wrong time to commence or explore a new relationship. I do actually find it rather bizarre to have a relationship with someone and "hide" it from a child/your children. Nor would I ever engage in a relationship where I couldn't be open and forthcoming with my children or his.

[c800957276]

I don't understand this either. I needed a year after separation, just to get to a healthy place in my own head

Well, I have been separated since 2010…
Certainly not a lot sooner. Trial was a year ago.

[mcdreamy]

Well, I have been separated since 2010…
Certainly not a lot sooner. Trial was a year ago.

c8, you owe no one here an explanation - I think babies are rather cool little things and I would have had a houseful.