Spousal Support - are amounts fair ?

[plainNamedDad44]

Hi all,

I've been "googling" again and I am coming across several spousal support horror stories. Like guys declaring bankruptcy, living in campers.

Can anyone provide any insignt that this system is fair and that it won't crucify me.

I am self employed, make good money, but business differs from year to year.

I am hoping i will be treated fairly.

[FightingForFamily]

It's a big scam, whatever you make as income, she will get about half of it. Either in SS or SS+CS. Plus whatever she makes herself... and it will last for years and possibly forever.

Since very few people can afford to live for half their previous salaries, the answer is yes, campers, living with 4-5 room mates/friends/family, tiny basement apartments. Banktrupcy won't ever save you from support payments but can help clear other debts.

I couldn't even afford a bachelor apartment, so I had to rent single bedrooms in other people's homes and have my visits with my son elsewhere such as my parents house or my girlfriends home.

[plainNamedDad44]

It's a big scam, whatever you make as income, she will get about half of it. Either in SS or SS+CS. Plus whatever she makes herself... and it will last for years and possibly forever.

Since very few people can afford to live for half their previous salaries, the answer is yes, campers, living with 4-5 room mates/friends/family, tiny basement apartments. Banktrupcy won't ever save you from support payments but can help clear other debts.

I couldn't even afford a bachelor apartment, so I had to rent single bedrooms in other people's homes and have my visits with my son elsewhere such as my parents house or my girlfriends home.

did it get better for you ?

[takeontheworld]

I really feel for those paying ss. It must feel very defeating. Im neither a payor or a payee. But as a woman I do hate the fact that many women believe its a given. Women have struggled for so long to be viewed as equals to men. As a grown person you should be taking care of yourself. I could never eat that much self pride.

[Links17]

Long marriages - prepare to be owned!

[plainNamedDad44]

great. oh f*ck.

[plainNamedDad44]

Is there no obligation for them to go out and earn ?

[Links17]

If you read the SSAG guidelines it makes a lot of sense from an economic perspective but it doesn't take a lot of other things into consideration (like fairness).

[firhill]

Is spousal support re-evaluated annually, like CS?

Or is it always based on the payor's income at time of break-up?

[North of 40]

I get the impression that if your spouse has not worked or chosen not to upgrade his/her skills the payee could have a long road ahead.

In my case I gross app. 90 k, my spouse 50k. . After cs gets factored it doesn't appear that I'd be paying that much. Sooooo.....ideally you want your 'significant other' to at the very least have a somewhat decent job.

[standing on the sidelines]

I am not a fan of SS.

I think two things you have to make sure get put in the agreement, an end date and a sliding scale of payment so when you reach the end date she is already budgeting properly.

[SomeGuy]

Is there no obligation for them to go out and earn ?

No.

Here's my nightmare... currently in the process of being ensconded in the divorce order.

Married at 33... separated at 49. She never worked during the marriage, much against my will.. in fact that was part of the issue leading to separation.

16 years of marriage + 49 years old at date of separation = 65.

Rule of 65 means she is free and clear.... i.e. never required to work, guaranteed SS for life. She is in practical terms FULLY retired, while I will be slaving away for decades to finance her. Judge told me directly that my sole obligation in life is to provide support. Goodbye to any form of practical retirement and goodbye to extended leave or vacations.

She is very fit and healthy and passes for much younger than 49. Her family all lives into their nineties.

I am now facing 40+ years of SS payments, for a 16 year marriage. If I work overtime, get a raise, moonlight for extra $$... half goes automatically to her.

The mind simply boggles at how this got so far out of whack. If I ever hear a woman say, "why are guys so afraid to commit?"... their ears will bleed from my response ...

[FightingForFamily]

did it get better for you ?

Actually it did...

My marriage was for 6 years only, my ex has 2 bachelor degrees and worked for the whole time we were together aside from the last 2 years once our son was born.

We agreed on consent for SS to last until our son was in school full days. He just started grade 1 this month, and six months ago she opened a home daycare. She also walked away with most of the marital assets (70k+ in cash and a car) so she should be OK.

I firmly believe if she had dug in her heels and hired a good lawyer she probably could have kept it going for longer. She decided "I wasn't worth her time" which made me very happy.

My living situation hasn't changed yet but aside from CS I have my salary back so I can start saving towards moving out of my tiny basement room. Maybe in a year or two...

In the beginning I was expected to subsist on $1400 per month. I was also under court order to provide transportation for all access (umm SHE TOOK THE CAR) so out of that I had to finance a used car, rent a place big enough for my son to sleep over, eat and pay bills. Needless to say I was underwater every month, so I really needed SS to end when it did.

I paid for 3 years.

My consent order specifically stated that the amount would not increase and was fixed at my salary at separation. A fact for which I am greatful or I would never have made it 3 years.

[SomeGuy]

But as a woman I do hate the fact that many women believe its a given. Women have struggled for so long to be viewed as equals to men. As a grown person you should be taking care of yourself. I could never eat that much self pride.

Well said. Unfortunately its a little too late for me (and she was/is a pretty hardcore "feminist").

When I read posts like yours my faith in humanity is somewhat restored

[Links17]

Well said. Unfortunately its a little too late for me (and she was/is a pretty hardcore "feminist").

When I read posts like yours my faith in humanity is somewhat restored

Don't get carried away, some people talk the talk but when sh** hits the fan they'll be on the SS train faster than a mexican across the border (that's really racist - sorry)