A colossal waste...

[thefunone]

Well - Friday past - I sat for 8 hrs - along with my lawyer at a so called 'mediation session' with my ex, her lawyer and the mediator.

In the end I had offered:
- portion of my pension from a date halfway between date of cohabitation and date of marriage (approx 170K)
- portion of 'golden handshake' payements as above (approx 12K)
- no compensation to me for paid the SS I have paid since 2011 (have currently given in excess of 17K with zero benefit - can't claim as there is no SA in place)
- 1400+ in CS
- 900 in SS
- 300 in S7
- No review until June 2015 - allow her to ease back into work and not have her have to seek some sort of full time work until then....so she can move on....
- an equal division of outstanding funds currently in trust (5k)
- no equalization of RRSPs...(I am owed approx 2500.00 from her)
- we are each the trustees on each others life insurance
- I bump my life insurance up to 350K
- all assets brought in at the time of co-habitation (moved in together in 97 - married in 99) - are a wash.
- I would not seek a divorce until June 2015 (she would at that point be off my benefits pkg - they would consider that a material change in circumstance...oh she does currently have a benefits package with her work + is paying into a pension)

....and...it was rejected....

She has finally admitted/provided info that she has continued to make money under the table with no disclosure to CRA since 2011 - however that income was not going to be added to her monthly income...

I suspect that her idea of mediation was that she would provide information and that the mediator would in the end side completely with her on everything. When that didn't happen - the meeting was called.

I am so at a loss - I don't know which way is up - she would rather spend 25K moving to arbitration rather than hammer something out.

Well....thanks for letting me rant/vent

It just seems that she needs to keep this alive despite her statements to the contrary....

Cheers

I welcome any and all comments and suggestions in how to maybe proceed....or in general

[Janus]

I find the concept of mediation with lawyers to be.... silly. But that is just me.

Without knowing your income (and number of kids), it is hard to determine if your CS/SS offers are generous or fair, but assuming that they are, forget the arbitration, just make a formal offer to settle.

Arbitration is too expensive for pretty much no gain. No more meetings with lawyers, get the legal process rolling.

[caranna]

I completely agree with Janus. I refused 4-way meetings because my stbx is irrational, hostile and need I say, unreasonable.

An eight hour meeting...you can't say you didn't try. Your offers sound reasonable to me. Last week we went to case conference and the stbx exposed himself as the a$$ he really is. He interrupted the judge twice and nothing at all substantial was agreed upon. Now it looks like we're headed for trial. Good luck. I hope it turns out well for you.

[FightingForFamily]

I did one, was a total waste of time. Mine was around 4 hours. We appeared to have settled a number of issues but the very next day my ex changed her mind and emptied the house while I was at work, even left holes in the walls/ceiling.

So for any readers, remember that 4-ways with lawyers are just a hugely upsetting waste of time and money.

[arabian]

I concur. Waste of time and money. If you and your ex can't agree on things why would you think adding 'professional antagonists' would help? Always remember that lawyers make money on your discord. Now if someone could figure out a way to keep judges from granting unworthy adjournments and continuances that would be helpful.