Pizza money...will this come back to bite us?

[Berner_Faith]

I took the kids out for lunch today for pizza as they had the day off of school today. During lunch S7 said to me "I really miss pizza....I don't get it at school anymore"... my initially question was, was it due to the school not offering it anymore? I know schools around where we live, stopped pizza and went to ho lunches and pita day, for healthier choices... S7 said no that he doesn't get it anymore because now that his sibling started school Mom cannot afford it...

To be honest, I am not 100% sure how much it actually costs, but I do know on paper she makes a good wage, but obviously has expenses...

I was talking to bf about offering to pay for the pizza lunches for the kids... they don't have to know it came from us as we don't wish to make it seem like when Mom doesn't have the money come to Dad... but what his worry is, stuff like this should be paid for my CS... now it is obviously at Mom's discretion on how she spends CS, but would us paying for the pizza days set him up for other school expenses that should be covered?

We are not out to undermined Mom, but if it is not expensive we don't mind helping out in that way... next year his CS obligations will basically triple because of his new job, at that time she should be able to more than afford these extra things... do we take the high road and just pay or should we just leave well enough alone and let Mom decide?

[standing on the sidelines]

I would call the school first and see how much it costs for the year then go from there.

[ddol1]

It is the season - brainstorm? Call it a year round present to make the kids happy one lunch at a time all year round. She can't complain of a modest present in this form??

Although I did not live my life behind it - I always guaged it on "Having enough in my pocket to get pizza whenever we wanted to". (didn't always end up being pizza and it was not every week - just when life said we needed a treat!)

[SadAndTired]

Well, I know nothing about the legal responsibilities of it but I will say that I am a Mom of two who is just getting back on her feet. I do receive table CS and a small amount of SS and just got a full time job. Some of my utilities were overdue and it is really difficult to budget with what I have and get caught backup.

Pizza at my children's school is only $1 a slice. My small daughter eats three slices at lunch. It is only once a week but they take orders monthly. There has been times where paying that $12 a month per child has been difficult. The period for ordering is only a few days so if I couldn't pay right then, pizza would have to wait until next time.

I do agree with iceberg that maybe there was another reason for the pizza cancellation but if my ex offered to pay for the pizza, I would be grateful. What a nice gesture, (really benefiting the child) as it is hard for kids to watch others have a special treat once a week and not have some themselves.

I think what you are willing to do is wonderful (regardless of whether or not it is a true financial hardship for the Mom).

[firhill]

... do we take the high road and just pay or should we just leave well enough alone and let Mom decide?

I think only you can answer the above question.
You know better than anyone how you and/or your ex will react to any of the following issues, should they arise.

What happens if/when Mom tells the kids and/or the school that "you're not having pizza today, I packed you a lunch" or "it's not healthy"
How would you react to any of the above happening? Would it just create more drama? Would you just accept it or push back?

Your call and while it's a nice gesture, I wouldn't do it for fear of creating an issue that doesn't exist and because it doesn't seem like a big deal for the kids anyway.

[mom2three]

Berner Faith, I think what you are doing is commendable and I, as the Mom who can barely afford school lunches would appreciate someone making THIS a Xmas present versus having another damn toy I wanna suck up into the vacuum becuase it wasn't picked up lol!

On the other hand I do realize you are dealing with a parent who sees controversy in everything ( I would not try and make this a ss. 7 expense thereafter, but simply be grateful it happened).

You have to decide what is in the best interests of the children in this and what your motive is. It can be difficult if you cannot talk to the other parent, which seems to be the case. For example, if pizza day was eliminated by me because I didn't like the pizza being offered ie. unhealthy - then that ought to be respected. But if it was because of finances then I would be grateful someone took the initiative to help out in that regard. I have three kids and whenever the school does a lunch (they are done here to raise money for the grade 8 trip) is is expensive - over 20 bucks a shot to feed the kids and I just don't have that kind of money every time. If someone took that weight off my shoulders and gave it as a gift WOW!

Best of luck to you - I know your intentions are worthy. I don't have an answer and I can totally respect why you don't want to do it if it opens up a can of worms. Go with your heart and decide whats best is all I can say.

[SadAndTired]

Berner, I was looking for something else and came across this post. What ended up happening with the pizza money? Did you ever end up giving it to ex?

[murphyslaw]

About pizza days....my kids school hasn't been doing pizza days, as part of the teachers work to rule thing.

[Berner_Faith]

Berner, I was looking for something else and came across this post. What ended up happening with the pizza money? Did you ever end up giving it to ex?

We took the opportunity to speak to the children about some financial responsibilities... since they have been receiving allowance from us for the weekends there are here, depending on the chores they accomplish, we let the children decide if pizza was really something they wanted and if it was, we asked that they contribute some money towards it and we would contribute the rest. Both kids agreed that was a great idea. We told them to talk between themselves and figure out an amount they thought was fair. They decided they would pay for $10 each.. I cannot remember the exact cost at this moment, however that $10 they gave up, we just put into their savings account. Even though it was tough with Mom for a couple days when bf discussed it with her (she wanted him to give her the money and she would take care of it), the kids ended up getting their pizza and learned a lesson out of it too...

[Exquizique]

We took the opportunity to speak to the children about some financial responsibilities... since they have been receiving allowance from us for the weekends there are here, depending on the chores they accomplish, we let the children decide if pizza was really something they wanted and if it was, we asked that they contribute some money towards it and we would contribute the rest. Both kids agreed that was a great idea. We told them to talk between themselves and figure out an amount they thought was fair. They decided they would pay for $10 each.. I cannot remember the exact cost at this moment, however that $10 they gave up, we just put into their savings account. Even though it was tough with Mom for a couple days when bf discussed it with her (she wanted him to give her the money and she would take care of it), the kids ended up getting their pizza and learned a lesson out of it too...

Nicely handled!! Two thumbs up!!

[Berner_Faith]

About pizza days....my kids school hasn't been doing pizza days, as part of the teachers work to rule thing.

I know some schools were not doing their extra lunches, the kids school continued with pizza and my younger brother's school continued with all their extra, breakfast program, pizza, hot lunch and milk program...mind you, both these schools are located in small towns, which could have made a difference?

[mcdreamy]

I know some schools were not doing their extra lunches, the kids school continued with pizza and my younger brother's school continued with all their extra, breakfast program, pizza, hot lunch and milk program...mind you, both these schools are located in small towns, which could have made a difference?

Those are probably organized by parent committees. I spent hours on Fridays for years steaming hot dogs, with other parent volunteers. No teacher involvement. We took the orders, cooked the food, and had it delivered to the classrooms.

Tuesdays were pizza days - similar concept, no teacher involvement. As was ESM - the milk.

We raised a fair chunk of change for school ground play equipment every year.