Anyone else feeling hopeless, financially?

[arabian]

How long were you married? Your ex has to prove eligibility for SS - it certainly isn't automatic. How old is your wife, did she work during the marriage? Many factors to consider and I'm sure your lawyer has advised you of this beforehand.

How much dough have your lawyers sucked out of you so far?

You disposed of the marital home. I assume there is money from the proceeds of the sale in the lawyers trust account?

You emphasized that your ex's parents are wealthy. Were they subsidizing you and your wife at anytime? If so this would explain your panic with having to balance your budget perhaps?

I know it must be very difficult for you but know you will have much tougher questions to answer in the future.

Provide as much information and hopefully you can get some free advice on this forum.

[ScaredandConfused]

Just under 7 years, yes she quit her job less than a year before separation - she says she was let go... not true. we were dependent on two incomes. It was after I told her she needed to get back to work, I was told we are separating. She is under 40 has extensive education and experince but has said she refuses to go back to that line of work, and wants to start another personal business.
I'm panicking because it was challenging enough to raise the family on a single income, now to have that split between two homes, has literially shot me in the head. Lawyer fees have ran me 50K +

My ex parents helped my ex a month before our separation (that I know of), while she was on Unemployment. I lost everything and had to dump the house, the trust is gone.
I need to be mindful how much detail I put down on this site.
How do I prepare for bringing a hardship motion (if that even exists) and how quickly can it be dealt with?

[arabian]

Keep in mind that after you have declared bankruptcy you are considered to have been given a clean slate and actually this might go against you in family court. I would strongly encourage you to look at options to this (a proposal, done through a trustee, which is interest free for example). Bankruptcy will be with you for 14 yrs. That is a long, long time. Half of the debts belong to your ex. Your going bankrupt will disencumber you but leave her faced with the liability. Your ex doesn't have to declare bankruptcy.

The car situation is lousy. I note your friends and family have helped you out to the tune of 40k for legal fees. Perhaps someone would be willing to co-sign for you to get a different vehicle. That amount is definitely a budget-buster, particularly for someone who works out of their home. Public transport is around 100.00/month and kids ride free. Yes it sucks but it is much preferable than being evicted don't you think? (you currently have vehicle costs at over 700.00/mth). You would be better to put 100.00 of that towards additional food or the odd evening out for yourself.

That's my 2 bits for now. Other posters will hopefully chime in about the section 7 expenses as well as hopefully demystify the family court process for you.

[arabian]

I think you are on the right track about getting something revised in your order.

I would focus very, very hard on your budget. Your ex is very young and SS probably isn't going to happen. If your ex refuses to work then she should be imputed an income at the wage she made before she "retired." Many people on this forum have stated that a minimum wage imputation is around 20k. Even if you go somewhere between that and what she was making before the numbers will likely improve. You can play with the calculator just to get a ball-park idea. Find out which calculator courts refer to in your province (if you haven't already).

You guys are young and obviously lived large. Thing that will be most important for you will be to get court to recognize and act on the law that requires both people to contribute to the upbringing of the children.

[FightingForFamily]

A big part of the problem seems to be how so many parts of the system designed to help people in need will not accept that someone with an above average income is actually destitute due to support and taxes taking nearly 80% of the gross income away before they see it.

All qualifications for assistance are always based on "gross income" of which most divorce males may rate well, but whose net disposal income is actually below the poverty level.

[ScaredandConfused]

Hi,

Thanks for the support and clarity. My ex is going for the kill. Now that I'm unable to afford basic necessities after C/S etc... I am putting my children at risk and has asked for Sole Custody instead of the week-to-week Joint/Shared Custody agreement (although no primary caregiver has been assigned). We lost the matrimonial home as ex quit job and I had to sustain everything and children on my own.
The lawyers are asking the wrong questions - why are we both making the same incomes before the separation, why is one parent paying to maintain two separate households when it was a challenge supporting one? And how has that even affected the one parent who pays from being able to literially "feed" his children without having to be use the foodbank? Let's not even talk about Christmas.... My lawyer has suggested I represent myself... that's a sign that times are tight!
Well that's my rant, I don't want to dwell too much as it is depressing to think about it. What I can say is that I just smile and agree when the children ask if they can make the ex Christmas presents etc while with me - as I have sworn to myself never to affect their perspective.

[Crgman]

Update from OP: Nothing has changed since the original posting. I continue to have to pay 50% because my ex 'can't find a job'. (I suspect her family is supporting her) I am out of credit and options. I have been paying her way for almost 3 years. I have nothing left.
I have sunk into a deep depression, I can't even get out of bed in the morning. I have no relief in sight and no help available to me.
When I first created this thread I thought I was at my lowest. I know now that was not true.