Anyone else feeling hopeless, financially?

[Pursuinghappiness]

He's referring to what Tayken and I said to her...not to anything he did.

No different from saying "I gave so-and-so a verbal beat-down..." That doesn't make him a wife beater. And since he's referring partially to what I said...I CERTAINLY am not violent and didn't CERTAINLY didn't beat her. I just pointed out that her story didn't hold water...which it didn't.

I'm not projecting anything. Luckily, I personally have no experience with spousal abuse and wouldn't conjure it up just to punish an ex or gain an advantage in divorce. I was simply trying to figure out who he was talking about.

Matter of fact, I'd bet money that this is the same poster making up a new name pretending to be her ex to get attention and fake sympathy. His nick is new and he's only made those two posts to this forum. Wonder if someone could do an IP check on these two nicknames?

Whatever the case, he's certainly not the only caveman on this forum. Its not a crime.

Again, Balakk...I'd be very interested in hearing how you and your son got your ex out of the house. Please elaborate.

[firhill]

He's referring to what Tayken and I said to her...not to anything he did.

That's what I understood his post to mean also.

I also agree that a moderator should check for matching IP's.

[ScaredandConfused]

Being forced out of access and custody

Hi,

I've been reading some of the postings and I must admit I don't feel all that confident that my children and I are going to come out of this unscathed. I currently have 50/50 access and joint custody, with no primary care provider listed. My ex has ample experience in law, so does her boyfriend, she has even worked for her current lawyer's office, and has free run on their letter head. To stay focused, I'm concerned as for the past almost two years my ex has demostrated that she is attempting to spike the CS, SS payment tables to their max by claiming she she needs more time and training in law, and needs to run her own business to be self sufficient. I've exhausted all of my funds 58K on lawyers fee's and I'm only scheduled for a Settlement Conference for the very near future. The other side still has not provided proper finanical disclosure although there are two Orders to provide it, in the mean time they even were able to get a temp CS of 1300.00 per month at a Case Conference, apparently this is at the discretion of the Justice. Their argument is this a single mom trying her best to raise 3 very young children. I myself have gotten 4 eviction notices, my church is helping me pay for basic utilities, I go to the foodbank, it's Christmas and my lawyer has advised me this will be the last time they represent me - no more money, and the other side is just being too difficult, and delaying everything in order to force me to abandon my case finanically and emotionally. I work full time from home, I just spent the last 2 years caring for my children full time, my ex refused to let me care for them during her time and paid 2500 per month for 10 days of Day Care. Her bank statements show that she has received over 80k in 11 months from family, but because this was a gift it's not income, and the courts don't recongize wealth, only employment and tax returns. I will be evicted with 3 young children in the new year, and I can't believe that I'm contemplating taking on a second job, when my ex doesn't even have to work part time. How can someone making 80K per year, and the sole source of income, responsible for taking the children to Dr, dentist, audiologist and even had to fight to take them to children's counseling to help during the transition be put on the street? I will have to give my children to my ex. I can't buy food, I can't pay for bills, I can't pay rent, I can't get legal aide, and my ex has shut down my legal representation, skirted being held account with breaching two Court Orders - as it always comes down to "I'm just out to get my ex, and don't want to pay" Really? I have been told that if I demostrated the same behaviours as my ex, the children would have been removed from my care. I'm not looking to far down the road, but I am soo overwhelmed I just can't begin to know where to start, as she will drag this thru the courts at no cost to her she is doing her own "pro bono" (hint) representation.

[standing on the sidelines]

@scaredandconfused..... please use paragraphs, it makes what you post so much easier to read.

[ScaredandConfused]

Ok, I'll keep that in mind... First posting jitters.

[arabian]

ScaredandConfused: why can't you access Legal Aid?

[arabian]

If you want your children to be fed and clothed you may have to change your employment. You may prefer to work out of your home but it might not be feasible at this time. It sounds like your ex is either a lawyer or works for one. In that case I'd prepare for a very long, drawn out battle. If you are currently working out of your home full time and have to go to the food bank then you either have to change careers or get child support from your ex, or both. Legal Aid might be the best immediate solution.

[standing on the sidelines]

Ok, I'll keep that in mind... First posting jitters.

lol I remember that feeling. Its ok.

[ScaredandConfused]

My gross income is beyond the threshold. I've applied, appealed and even tried again after I found out I'm going bankrupt, and have been using the food bank. They apologized but said I couldn't even get a payment arrangement (repayment / not to mention any kind of certificate).

[ScaredandConfused]

My question is; will a Justice allow my children and I to be evidicted, or have me take on another job, when in fact I have been the primary caregiver "with factual evidence" at a Settlement Conference. It's the same justice who decided it would be good to pay my ex the CS without her finanical disclosure, and impuned an almost zero income although the bank statements and basic lifestyle expenses showed that her ability to live and provide for the children were evident. I just can't believe it.

My own lawyer was shell shocked and surprised, they are a "very" reputable firm... To be hit with this at a Case Conference. I even hired a much better lawyer last year, as I thought my ex was serious about negotiating a settlement, but it was only a strategy to delay, and over litigate, it worked... Come two weeks I either have the justice reverse his temporary order, or I'm on the street.... My lawyer said I should hold out for much, and I would have to enter a motion afterwards solo... I've seen sooo much about the CS issues, my church and support groups are writing. But would a mom with 50/50 joint custody be forced on the streets because she had a steady source of income? It's crazy even when I try to reflect on what has gone on...

[ScaredandConfused]

If you want your children to be fed and clothed you may have to change your employment. You may prefer to work out of your home but it might not be feasible at this time. It sounds like your ex is either a lawyer or works for one. In that case I'd prepare for a very long, drawn out battle. If you are currently working out of your home full time and have to go to the food bank then you either have to change careers or get child support from your ex, or both. Legal Aid might be the best immediate solution.

I was told not to change my employment, the issue is not working from home. I work from home because I work for an international company so geographical location / time zone is moote! I make 80K raising my children working from home and working when my children are with their mom, or at night - it's been hard, but there are alot of single parents who do, what they have to do... the only option is to take on a second job - which has reprecussions less time with my children, I'll do it, but please don't tell me my ex can't find a P/T job.

[arabian]

If you make 80k a year you should be able to support yourself and your children. There are people who write into this forum all the time who survive on much less than that. I know someone who is raising a child on her own with only 750.00/month CS and who doesn't work and has no other income.

The fact your wife comes from a moneyed family is irrelevant.
The fact that your wife has money in the bank and receives financial help from others is irrelevant - you receive help from church, food bank, etc. She can do the same.

Some lawyers are like real estate agents - they tell you what you want to hear. We've heard it time and time again on this forum. The best thing you can do is to educate yourself on all available case law similar to your situation, in your area of the country.

If you have a regular source of uninterrupted income I don't know why you are facing eviction. How much do you have to pay your ex each month anyhow?

I understand you are going through a tough time and I feel for you. You will get warm fuzzies from your church but you probably won't get it here. We are just a bunch of strangers who will tell you things the way we see it so try not to get offended by some remarks.

The more info you can provide the better people are able to offer some ideas that may help. Sounds like you make too much to qualify for legal aid? Maybe you can make a sort of "limited retainer" arrangement with your lawyer and do some of the leg work yourself.

[ScaredandConfused]

You are correct on almost all fronts, I need non-biased perspective. I pay 1200 + CS, and section 7 expenses run 600 + I make 1700 per pay net. My rent is 1230 for a 3 bedroom, we sold the matrimonial home and her lawyer held the money in trust, but refused to release the money for JLOC etc... every 90 Days, so after 3 - 4 occurances the bank froze my other credit for pook PK scores. The trust has been emptied, I live in non profit housing but I make to much gross, for subsidized rent, legal aide etc... I tried it all, I can't downsize right now because I have literially 23.00 in the bank as I've just paid for CS and Nov Day Care, rent is due tomorrow, I have no more credit rating after the trust issue.
I guess I need perspective, my concern is going at this solo against someone is knows the process, has demostrated the ability to skirt even providing basic mandatory information for over 2 years, it just seems everyone is ignoring factual evidence based information, and extending the benefit of the doubt over and over to someone who knows/is manipulating the system. How do I defend my self against that? She has time just to sit and strategize and think this through 24/7, I work full time, take care of the children, support two homes, and contemplating trying to take on another job, but won't that just mean her support increases also?
I offered to settle (over and over) I need closure and move on, I have my children in counseling, I'm in counseling, I've exhausted everything to try to settle, and when that failed I filled a Case Conference and had my A@$ handed to me.
Do I need to prepare a motion if the Settlement Conference fails to resolve the dire consequences my children and I face living together, do I simply give up my Access because how can three little children move with me week to week in a boarding room? I have family outside of the mobility clause I had to put in place at the onset of the separation (that's a whole another issue... Lets just say I'm very familiar with the Hague convention).
I don't want to rant, and looking for a pity party, I have issues that I'm facing and I'm trying to identify viable options at this stage - that's it. I can handle what's thrown at me, I just need to know what I can expect as that is what's creating so much fear, just not knowing.
The rent bank thru United Way has told me that they can only support me for two months. My Ex is now demanding SS, can they take over 50% of my net?

[arabian]

You need financial counselling fast. The numbers you have thrown out don't make sense to me.

One good thing is that any advice you get on here is free!

How much are your expenses really?

Rent -
Utilities -
phone/internet -
car/gas -

child support -
section 7 (specify as 600.00/mth seems rather steep)


Do a budget up and post it. I'm sure you can get some advice from some people on the forum.

You should know this like the back of your hand so it shouldn't be difficult.

[ScaredandConfused]

I have been to see financial counselor(s) Bankruptcy is only option due to high level of secured joint and personal debt 100K. However disposable income during bankruptcy will be 1700.00 after CS and Section 7. See below breakdown.

Section 7:
1150 / 2 for 3 "young" children per month (although I didn't need it, and offered to care for children for ex to minimize expenses - offer refused and I was ordered to pay half).
45.00 for all three children for 3 months Extra circular activities (I had to find this the ex wanted to register them for 230.00 per month).

C/S
1260 - the judge said I made more than 80K (not true, he just looked at me cashing in my remaining RRSP I had left + 6K) and impuned an income of 18K, although we had some tax disclosure of 56K for even when she was on Mat leave.

S/S
TBD

Rent:
1360 Market rate

Groceries
200 - when I have children 50 % (week to week) three children
20 - 25 (for when I don't have the children (Hello Mr. Noodle) + food bank top up.

Clothing and incidentals for children
40 - 50 (mom does not supply clothing (homes are very polarized)
180 just got hit with winter and fall clothing (winter snow suits, boots, gloves etc...)

Gas / Heat
approx. 95 (probably higher with winter)

Hydro
approx. 80

Internet/phone
136.00

House Insurance
33.00

Auto Insurance
110.00

Car
490 for 6 more years (got hammered with this, I bought new car 2 months before being told of divorce, couldn't fit 3 infant seats and she had van listed under parents name 3 months before divorce... had to trade in new car only in order to transport children. To late to get rid of now, would not be able to replace it - no credit and will be too fresh into bankruptcy probably stuck in it for 9 months from date of filing. (tried))after two months for vehicle

Gas
100

Maintenace for vehicle
20

Debt not paid
Credit Card - 650 per month

JLOC - 600 per month

Previous Lawyer bill outstanding
590

Current lawyer bill (paid by family and friends to try to settle this).
42,000 + not including the recent 6000K requested to attend settlement conference. - Yes, I paid this for 1 year, and had only a Case Conference and a Motion of Change filed....