Anyone else feeling hopeless, financially?

[Pursuinghappiness]

I was awarded $500.00 for cost in my case conference, the judge awarded it because the future x nor his lawyer bothered to show up, nor contact the courts, my lawyer proved that they were notified in the proper way, and had plenty of time to prepare

Hemademesingle:

Point taken...I should have said "usually" not awarded at conferences. I'm not a judge so I'm sure there are all types of exceptions...for instance like yours, when someone just completely doesn't show up.

This is what what the poster said though:

The third lawyer finally went to court and that's when I was able to get away from him. The ex was ordered to pay some of the court costs but not enough to cover the fees. Again, I couldn't afford to keep him and he advised me to try it on my own since it was a simple matter of division.

I don't know what that means. I don't know what type of motion you file to be able to "get away from someone." In an abuse situation, you exit into a safe place and file for exclusive possession. You could also file a motion with regard to selling the matrimonial home. If this action was successful and resulted in costs being awarded, clarification would be nice but the poster probably won't do so.

Also if the 3rd lawyer then advised it was "a simple matter of division"...what about SS and the matrimonial home?

I'm not trying to be a meticulous ass...its just my nature to notice inconsistencies, its something I do. And this wouldn't be the first poster to do this sort of thing on here.

[Pursuinghappiness]

I am living on 22k while paying "guideline" spousal and child support.

My salary is 61k. The rest goes to taxes and my support payments.

And I agree, it is fair to live on $40k. You can afford a small rental townhouse, a car, basic groceries and necessities without many extras. I could totally survive on 40k. It's not fair to expect a payor to survive on 22k while providing a place for their child when they come to visit though.

I sympathize.

Its been a tough year for me too...better than last year but not by much.

I've been watching those extreme couponing shows...and I wish that we could do that in Canada.

At least some of it...some of the stuff they horde up on is pretty unhealthy.

[joanniefree]

This person actually tried to kill me! I'm a total mess right now. I pretend to be normal. He is a sick person. Can you believe he was a lawyer? He got his license suspended.

[Pursuinghappiness]

Joannie:

Did he get his license suspended after he tried to hurt you?

I'm sorry about your dog.

Are you getting some kind of help? I think even sometimes in non-abuse situations, after a long marriage...its hard to adjust to not being married. Maybe check with your lawyer, normally they have the names of good therapists who are trained to help you through divorce trauma.

[roxyroller71]

I agree with what u said. Can u explain more on car conference and evidence!? I have been saving and holding back. I have never gone and said anything until recently since he doesn't even parent by email and I need to know if and when he is visiting.
I might have to have a really good talk w the lawyer.
I have looked at the activities and have made sure that they are the import at ones and how cheap am I am able to find the activities. And like I said I budget for These things. My sons stuff is always take care of and he saves and knows about patience on waiting for something's. he is awesome and always the easy one to deal with.
My concern is the daycare/daycamps for my sons care while I work.
I worked at a job made 33/yr. I lost that job when the company got rid of 6000 employees.
Just prior to losing my job I was considering buying a home and decided the situation wasn't reliable so moved in w my family. I help with bills and groceries but it is rent free. Which is a great help. I also was able to apply for subsidy!
Daycare was subsidized as was daycamps and so is the swim lessons swim lessons alone are 250/yr. daycare cost 160/mo each inservice day 22.00/day not including summer, Xmas or spring break. Thus the need to daycamps. I was fortunate and made really good contacts and looked for resources that might assist.
While I was unemployed I used it as an opportunity to go to school. At this point I then made 19,000/yr. I was able to get student loans and grants. I used my time for triple ppp parenting classes which are great! I did not waste my time nor money. I was happy to be home ad to be safe from that crazy nutjob. He is authoritarian and just demanded u do what he told u. He still forces his way into my home!

But of course over time thins changed, I'm still taking occasional courses part time and now working at a job making 36/yr. they provide full benefits and match my contributions. I have a second job as well.
So things are fine and my stuff is going well. I got savings and could use more and just paying this court case which is the only thing holding me back.
I can't buy a house while this is going on Becuase of that bill popping up with a mortgage.
I guess I need to submit my own financial for the last 3 yrs?i went to the bank to day to get copies of all my cheques to the school and have copies o my banking statements for the last 3 yrs
I'm scared my ex will just cause more grief and he is spiteful and hateful.
I'm sure he feels he has reason but I have gone past hate into indifference and its liberating. But I'm still working on my issues left over from his damage.

I don't like being called a liar and having a judge look at me and then question MY finances. Im all good and can pay for my son all on my own.
That was an over put on the table almost a year ago: zero payment on outstanding or retroactive if u can provide a joint parenting agreement with whatever u want for visits. Alternate the vacations and holidays and lets just have minimal contact unless required. Preferably through lawyers or family website.
But regardless, It can't be done. It would be nice for the other parent to contribute.
My perceptions of a father have certainly left me but so has the sense of responsibility. I know I certainly wasn't the only baby maker and don't see why I am the one covering and doing every thing.
This is all over but if u have insights on how I can improve my case for trial it would be wonderful . I got bank and credit card statements, cheque prints and my mom can go to court and is willing to give a statement on this.

I can go for hours and hours that's how deep I have fallen in the hole.
Thanks!

[arabian]

sa snooping: I was quite surprised to read this thread and learn about your situation. If I take what you have said at face value it seems you have received poor, inadequate legal advice. If that was the case usually a judge would even point things out to the attorneys at court (I've seen that happen several times), particularly interim SS and temporary rights to live in the matrimonial home. The 26 yr old son would definitely not be relevant.

Why don't you get a copy of the court transcripts and review everything? It is fairly expensive but if you can prove an injustice it might help you in future court cases or at the very least it might help you to retain a lawyer that is more suited to your situation. It would be too late for any sort of appeal process but it might help you to understand the decisions the judge made.

I understand only too well how overwhelming the family court process is, particularly if you haven't been to court for anything before. I think we are very easily influenced by watching too many television shows and have unrealistic expectations on the Canadian justice system. I, for one, had no idea at how long the process would be. I understand how frustrating it is to have an ex who loves the drama of the court room. I too was married for 30 yrs.

I have an excellent young lawyer who reins me in from time to time. He keeps me focused on things that are relevant. He doesn't "tell me what I want to hear" rather he is acutely honest. I hope you can regroup and somehow focus, condense and formulate a plan of action that is effective.

My recommendation is to make lists. Figure out what you want to accomplish. Be realistic.

[DadwithSon]

Put this into an affidavit and see what a Judge has to say...



Why do you even care then? What benefit has your cathartic statement about how the other parent wastes money improved parental communications and your children's "best interests"?

Why do I care? Because it has an impact on my son.
What is the benefit of the statement? Who knows? This is an anonymous public forum. It was on topic. I am sure there are other people in similar situations. If nothing else, better to share with strangers (who maybe have helpful advice) than to feel bitter.

If anyone has constructive feedback on how to overcome the negative feelings associated with an unfair difference in quality of living, I would appreciate it. Just like the topic-starter asked: "is anyone else feeling hopeless, financially?".

Tayken, I appreciate that you have a lot of case law and citations indexed. However, if your only response is to shoot down the question I would appreciate if you pass over my post in this topic. Think of it as avoiding "negative advocacy" as in some of your other posts.

Take care!

[wretchedotis]

But, the guidelines are vetted by a large body of experts and if there was a systemic issue with them it would be addressed.

I do disagree. Can you point me to the body of experts used? Can you indicate what the parameters were for their decision making process? The people that you call experts are qualified as such because why?

If you research the topic I believe it will become apparent to you that the only considerations used were those of the expenses of the Custodial household. Such things as cost of housing for a childs bedroom in the NCP's residence were not factored. So essentially, I pay for his share of having a roof over my boys head at his Mom's, as well as the full cost of having a bedroom for him at my house.

I'm not sure that concept was expertly considered, and you would think it should be. You know, it being the basic tenant of 'shelter' and what not.

[wretchedotis]

And then take it one step further.

By paying child support, I am equally contributing to the childs well-being financially. It is in theory divided equally, the responsability of finance. Yet, The Custodial parent receives government stipends in the form of CCTB to mitigate the financial burden of raising children.

Odd that I am equally responsable for that financial burden, yet I recieve no such benefit to cover the expense of it from the government.

[wretchedotis]

... and the part that pisses me off the most!

I pay CS with after tax dollars. CP does not pay tax on those monies.

[wretchedotis]

To the OP:

There is only one solution. Get a better paying job.
Good luck with that in this economy.

[roxyroller71]

Or get a second job and go to school part time!
Take some parenting courses and home and personal budgeting workshops.
It's the pits for sure.

I used to be that lady who was angry. It's hard to move past such a gong show that was ur life for so long. Maybe some might understand that.
What part of that is... Is the fact u have a certain world view of what this country is and what protection it offers u. Then when u actually need it or use it.... It's such a let down. And it's always eye opening in being scammed by lawyers and then going to court and its just a waste of time and money since nothing really happens anyway. Regardless. At this point I believe if when it gets deposited in my bank account or is police enforced.

I never thought that something clear cut could be clouded by misleading facts.
When someone knows how to play the system and people its hard to compete.
Regardless of what my education level might be....
I rather be on my own paying my own way and have that guy bother me with stupid stuff. I provide the information ask for input and go forward with what I have to do....then months pass and I get informed that I never provided the info regardless if its been emailed or sent through registered mail.
Like I said, rage and all the emotions don't cover what someone feels when they have to deal with a controlling authoritarian financially and emotionally abusive petty little speck of a person. Why my ex drags things out and is so painful to deal with?
Becuase when I kicked him out I also tol his friends and family what he was doing while I was pregnant and for the first year of my sons life, while I was chronically ill.
He was sleeping with his first cousin in the bed I purchased And while I gave him maternity leave. When he left, told me he didn't want to have anything to do with either me or his son and that he has enough of us.

Am I still angry?...nah ....disgusted maybe.
But the opposite of love isnt hate ...its indifference.

It would just be really nice to have some cash for my sons future and make life a little easier. And not have that guy force himself into my home.

[wretchedotis]

Or get a second job and go to school part time!
Take some parenting courses and home and personal budgeting workshops.
It's the pits for sure.

I used to be that lady who was angry. It's hard to move past such a gong show that was ur life for so long. Maybe some might understand that.
What part of that is... Is the fact u have a certain world view of what this country is and what protection it offers u. Then when u actually need it or use it.... It's such a let down. And it's always eye opening in being scammed by lawyers and then going to court and its just a waste of time and money since nothing really happens anyway. Regardless. At this point I believe if when it gets deposited in my bank account or is police enforced.

I never thought that something clear cut could be clouded by misleading facts.
When someone knows how to play the system and people its hard to compete.
Regardless of what my education level might be....
I rather be on my own paying my own way and have that guy bother me with stupid stuff. I provide the information ask for input and go forward with what I have to do....then months pass and I get informed that I never provided the info regardless if its been emailed or sent through registered mail.
Like I said, rage and all the emotions don't cover what someone feels when they have to deal with a controlling authoritarian financially and emotionally abusive petty little speck of a person. Why my ex drags things out and is so painful to deal with?
Becuase when I kicked him out I also tol his friends and family what he was doing while I was pregnant and for the first year of my sons life, while I was chronically ill.
He was sleeping with his first cousin in the bed I purchased And while I gave him maternity leave. When he left, told me he didn't want to have anything to do with either me or his son and that he has enough of us.

Am I still angry?...nah ....disgusted maybe.
But the opposite of love isnt hate ...its indifference.

It would just be really nice to have some cash for my sons future and make life a little easier. And not have that guy force himself into my home.

wtf are u talking about???

Your personal demons/issues have nothing to do with CS payments and the structure they are based on.

[roxyroller71]

Sorry I th

[roxyroller71]

Sorry I thought this was a post on feeling hopeless, financially.

I didn't realize that it was it meant only child support and its structure. Thanks for informing on the correct format of the topic of feeling hopeless, financially.
I thought it also meant for the parents who weren't getting paid, not only the ones that wanted to lower their payments.
Myself, I think the guidelines do reflect the correct amount based on income and seems kind of like poor financial planning is the issue. I make just over 33 a year and can live ok on my own without his payments... The payments are a bonus for my sons Resp etc.
so I believed this topic to be one for both sides not just the one to be represented.
And why throw stones? Why give others grief? U don't think everyone here regardless of their experiences, have enough on their plate?
Myself I think it's important to support others even if I don't understand it.
I apologize for disclosing more then comfortable for u to understand.