Anyone else feeling hopeless, financially?

[sa_snoopin]

If the abuse is a criminal offense, then why didn't the police lay charges? Why did they just tell him to leave the house for the night instead? As for the car, the officer told me that it's matrimonial property and he can take it without my consent. I've written to the ombudsmen at the police dept with no response. This was back in May of this year. The police mess up but they're protected.

The order was a non-harassment clause in an endorsement. The judge sited that a restraining order goes on your permenant record and therefore he didn't think it needed to be made. He actually said this in court!

As for legal aid - as the judge cited this in various words in court - if my ex doesn't get a lawyer to resolve this, it's not fair for me to have to pay (whether now or later with the leins on the property). The duty councel at Durham court told me that the payment from the lein would be made from my share of the settlement so I still end up paying.

At the end of the day, a lawyer can't force this monster to divide anything! Only the judge can. The problem is that judges are helping lawyers get rich so they require a certain 'language be used in court documents'. Once a case is at court, lawyers want a $10,000 retainer upfront.

"bring forward an Application to the public court system and request that a judge apply the Law as set forth in the FLR, FLA, Divorce Act, CLRA, etc..."
What is this and where can I get more information on this?

Even the judge told that monster that he's obligated to pay me SS. Why do we need to go through all this... I'm not the unreasonable one - I want out of this marriage and my share. He got to the bank accounts and emptied them out as soon as I confronted him about his affair and said I wanted out. That was a year ago and he's managed to still hold everything.

I had (and paid a lot for) 3 different lawyers and consulted 2 others. None of them could help me obviously - since I'm still in this position. So what can a lawyer really do when the other party is uncooperative? If the police and all those lawyers couldn't do anything, really what chance do I have?

[murphyslaw]

While I agree that it is the right of the child to receive CS I do think that there should be room to drop it in high conflict cases.Where one has an abusive spouse with a history of abusing the children ,the onus on child support only causes more suffering for the ex partner and children.

[Tayken]

I snorted when Tayken said the guidelines don't leave people destitute.

Sorry but I don't believe earning $61k per year and being told to live on $1400 is a good system when non-working partner has $2800/month coming in, tax free, sans employment.

Then file a claim against s.10 and file a report that demonstrates an imbalance in the household standards of living.

[sa_snoopin]

Pursuinghappiness;116635]
I've been working throughout my 30 year marriage and still am. That monster does have the better end of the stick despite everything... but I'm looking forward to God's justice and that's what keeps me sane most of the time.
I want my divorce so I never have to have any contact with that creature again an the only way to get this is if the assets are settled.

My problem with Family Court is that the process doesn't need to take this long - it's purposely manipulated to take this long! Have you ever watched those court employees - At Durham court when you go to file papers, the clerks sit there literally staring into blank space and purposely not calling the next person. I've seen a guy finish with one person, sit there just looked at his hands for a full 15 minutes and then closing his window to go on a 20 minute break.

All the paper work we are required to fill out is not even read by the judge. They made you go through paperwork hell just to make it difficult for you. So the party that does nothing - like my ex - really is better off.
This last time he didn't even do any paperwork, said nothing in court despite the judge badgering into him. He just stood there quietly. Still the judge just put it off for yet another conference.

Sorry.... but I'm truly frustrated with the Durham Family Courts and I have no choice but to go there because that's where I live. I don't know if other courts are better.

I want to know if we can actually make a complaint about a judge? I've written to the Attorney General several times and the response is always the same - 'get a lawyer'.

[HammerDad]

It isn't a crime to damage ones own property. If I am in an argument with my wife, and go into the next room and punch a hole in the wall in the house I own, it isn't a criminal offense or any sort of abuse. The police cannot do anything about it.

If one is damaging the house and causing it to be devalued, one could argue when it comes time for equalization that they should not be adversely affected by the other parties actions and damages to the property and thus should get reimbursed at fair market value of the house as it would be if undamaged.

[Tayken]

If the abuse is a criminal offense, then why didn't the police lay charges?

Possibly lack of evidence to the facts you are trying to assert as truthful to this message board. The police didn't have enough evidence to lay a charge and your claims were possibly mischievous and frivolous? Lots of explanations...

Why did they just tell him to leave the house for the night instead?

Possibly for his own personal protection?

As for the car, the officer told me that it's matrimonial property and he can take it without my consent. I've written to the ombudsmen at the police dept with no response. This was back in May of this year. The police mess up but they're protected.

If both your names are on title then he can take it. It isn't a crime. If just his name is on title, he can take it... It isn't a crime. If your name is the sole name on title... It is a crime of theft.

The order was a non-harassment clause in an endorsement. The judge sited that a restraining order goes on your permenant record and therefore he didn't think it needed to be made. He actually said this in court!

Non-harassment clauses are enforced through civil contempt and not the police. It isn't enforceable by the police.

As for legal aid - as the judge cited this in various words in court - if my ex doesn't get a lawyer to resolve this, it's not fair for me to have to pay (whether now or later with the leins on the property).

Judges say a lot of things... What they write in an endorsement at a Conference is the only thing that matters. The judge was giving some advice on a position. It doesn't make it "fact" or "law". Please do read the Rules governing Conferences in the Family Law Rules.

The duty councel at Durham court told me that the payment from the lein would be made from my share of the settlement so I still end up paying.

Unless an order of costs against the other party is made because they are conducting themselves in "bad faith". Examples of "bad faith" that the courts consider is calling the police numerous times to harass the other party where no criminal charges are laid. The continuation of these false allegations into Family Law proceedings and vigerously attempting to lay criminal charges in "bad faith".

At the end of the day, a lawyer can't force this monster to divide anything! Only the judge can. The problem is that judges are helping lawyers get rich so they require a certain 'language be used in court documents'. Once a case is at court, lawyers want a $10,000 retainer upfront.

Conflict = cost.

Maybe after the 8 attempts with no success to have the other party arrested you would consider that your position is not appropriate?

"bring forward an Application to the public court system and request that a judge apply the Law as set forth in the FLR, FLA, Divorce Act, CLRA, etc..."

What is this and where can I get more information on this?

The Family Law Information Centre is your best source of legal help. Or duty counsel.

Even the judge told that monster that he's obligated to pay me SS.

Then why wasn't it ordered? Why wasn't it ordered to a motion at the conference for resolution?

Why do we need to go through all this... I'm not the unreasonable one - I want out of this marriage and my share. He got to the bank accounts and emptied them out as soon as I confronted him about his affair and said I wanted out. That was a year ago and he's managed to still hold everything.

And 8 unsuccessful attempts to have the other party arrested criminally... You should really read this case law:

Shaw v. Shaw, 2008 ONCJ 130 (CanLII)
Date: 2008-03-25
Docket: 34/08
Parallel citations: 62 RFL (6th) 100
URL: CanLII - 2008 ONCJ 130 (CanLII)
Citation: Shaw v. Shaw, 2008 ONCJ 130 (CanLII)

I had (and paid a lot for) 3 different lawyers and consulted 2 others. None of them could help me obviously - since I'm still in this position. So what can a lawyer really do when the other party is uncooperative? If the police and all those lawyers couldn't do anything, really what chance do I have?

Just to warn you, it is common belief by many that litigants who change lawyers more than 3 times are often the highly conflicted party in a litigated matter.

You don't have much of a chance if 3 lawyers (professionals) were unable to get you what you want. Have you considered that maybe what you want is unreasonable?

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Tayken]

It isn't a crime to damage ones own property. If I am in an argument with my wife, and go into the next room and punch a hole in the wall in the house I own, it isn't a criminal offense or any sort of abuse. The police cannot do anything about it.

If one is damaging the house and causing it to be devalued, one could argue when it comes time for equalization that they should not be adversely affected by the other parties actions and damages to the property and thus should get reimbursed at fair market value of the house as it would be if undamaged.

Hard to say what "destruction of property" the poster in question is suggesting. But, they are waiting for "God's justice" to solve the problem...

[Pursuinghappiness]

Even the judge told that monster that he's obligated to pay me SS. Why do we need to go through all this... I'm not the unreasonable one - I want out of this marriage and my share.

I'm confused by this.

If you have already been before a judge, I'm assuming you've had at least a CC by what you've said...so why did one of the 3 lawyers that you had simply file a motion for SS?

I had (and paid a lot for) 3 different lawyers and consulted 2 others. None of them could help me obviously - since I'm still in this position. So what can a lawyer really do when the other party is uncooperative? If the police and all those lawyers couldn't do anything, really what chance do I have?

I find that lawyers are often as effective as their clients. Its hard to say...but its strange to me that you've had 3 lawyers and none of them have simply filed a motion for temp SS. Its also hard to understand why some simple agreements haven't been made regarding the matrimonial home...and the payment of associated expenses.

He's at the matrimonial home because he claimed that he was supporting our 26 year old married son (no disabilities, son is working full time but in constant debt). He had harassed me so much (taken door knobs off, destroyed property, left nails at the wheels of my car, scratched my rental, etc... much more) that I didn't fight him on the big house.
Because of my income and the fact that I'm part owner of property, I don't qualify for legal aid. I have spoken to Duty councel several times and was told that I was doing everything right.
The judge made the order for him to stay away from me.

This is also strange.

A non-disabled 26 year old is irrelevant and should have never factored into anything...especially if he's not in school and is married. Very very bizarre...something isn't right in your story.

If you have an order for this person to stay away from you from a judge...you would be in the matrimonial home and HE would be out. They don't kick the wife out of the home under an abusive situation...quite the opposite. Certainly not due to the cause of a 26-year old married child...that's just very suspicious.

If you've had 3 lawyers...I'm amazed that not one of them managed to deal with this. An ex-parte motion for exclusive possession with a restraining order and 8 charges pending seems a very simple process.

He had harassed me so much (taken door knobs off, destroyed property, left nails at the wheels of my car, scratched my rental, etc... much more) that I didn't fight him on the big house.

Forgive me, but I'm gonna call bullcrap on this one too. You're telling that you had 8 pending dv charges and an order from a Judge but decided to walk away from your marital home with zero assets and move into a rental?? ...And your 3 lawyers let you do that?? You clearly aren't opposed to fighting anything as you've consulted or hired a total of 5 attorneys...why on earth would you just walk away from your home?

[sa_snoopin]

SadAndTired -
I agree, the person creating the conflict should pay, but seems like the other party ends up paying in more ways than one. Legal rep is not always affordable.

There has to be more that can be done to make this process fair and less hostile.

[Pursuinghappiness]

That monster does have the better end of the stick despite everything... but I'm looking forward to God's justice and that's what keeps me sane most of the time.

Bizarre statement. Its rather lofty to assume that your desire for revenge against your ex is the same purpose as a god's might be...no matter how much you hate him. I think a more realistic goal for you would be to simply try to have a fulfilling happy life and stop worrying about your ex getting smited...lol. You're far more likely to stay "sane" if you let go of your bitterness and hate and take care of your own mental, emotional, and legal health.

I see no evidence that you're doing any of those things very well.

I've been working throughout my 30 year marriage and still am.

I'm glad you're working...congrats. I think it helps emotionally to have some control over your financial situation.

My problem with Family Court is that the process doesn't need to take this long - it's purposely manipulated to take this long! Have you ever watched those court employees - At Durham court when you go to file papers, the clerks sit there literally staring into blank space and purposely not calling the next person. I've seen a guy finish with one person, sit there just looked at his hands for a full 15 minutes and then closing his window to go on a 20 minute break.

There are a lot of people trying to get divorced and the issues associated with divorce are often complex. It takes time...I agree its slow moving process and some things could definitely be faster but I can almost imagine you watching these employees working and being pissed off that they're not as mad as you are. You have some rage issues. Its really evident in your posts.

All the paper work we are required to fill out is not even read by the judge. They made you go through paperwork hell just to make it difficult for you. So the party that does nothing - like my ex - really is better off.

I'm sorry your court experience hasn't been good. I've had the good fortune to have some amazing judges so far. Frankly, both of the ones I've had have read everything we've presented...the last time, one had highlighted things out which she read back. I can tell you that if your judges are ignoring things...they will ignore the irrelevant. Judges concentrate on relevant items..not emotional bullcrap, hearsay, or false allegations. So if they're glossing over your submissions..it may be that your submissions aren't substantial and are full of crap. My advice....keep it short..succinct...and concentrate on ACTIONABLE items.

For instance, its ridiculous that you've had 3 lawyers and no agreement on the matrimonial home or Spousal support after a 30 year marriage. That can only happen when someone is using the court's time very incompetently.

He just stood there quietly. Still the judge just put it off for yet another conference.

I'm going to tell you that this statement is a red flag.

You know why he's standing there quietly?

Because he's letting you flame and rage and hang yourself in court....and you probably fell headfirst right into the hole. Judges don't like delaying decisions or not giving instructions for subsequent closure on issues. They do that when someone is being unreasonable and not listening.

The family law process is designed to streamline the nonsense affidavits into actionable items...and to reduce the chances of trial by encouraging settlement. They also are there to take action on things which need more immediate action...like matrimonial homes and support. If you're getting repeatedly pushed into non-effective court visits time after time....I can tell you that you probably need to look at what you're doing in court because its abnormal that no critical decisions have been made. Especially since you've had 3 different attorneys.

I want to know if we can actually make a complaint about a judge? I've written to the Attorney General several times and the response is always the same - 'get a lawyer'.

Another red flag. Why is it the Judge's fault now?

Bottom line...personally, just from skim reading your posts. You've let your anger and bitterness overcome your reason and its affecting your ability to take care of this legal action in an effective way.

Your story just doesn't add up...sorry.



Inconsistencies and Red Flag Points:

-You've been through multiple court visits...have reached no resolution on critical issues.
-You've had 3 lawyers and consulted 2 more in a year.
-You claim to have multiple DV charges and a restraining order but your ex has exclusive possession of the matrimonial home because of a 26 year old married, working son
-You exhibit clear signs of rage, bitterness and anger (bizarre religious references of vengence...calling your ex a "monster" etc)
-You project blame on everyone but yourself. Your ex, the court system, your bad lawyers, the cops, the judge, the attorney general...its everyone's fault but yours.

[sa_snoopin]

Tayken: "Possibly lack of evidence to the facts you are trying to assert as truthful to this message board. The police didn't have enough evidence to lay a charge and your claims were possibly mischievous and frivolous? Lots of explanations..."

Really? mischievous and frivolous? You should've been there and have it happen to you.

Not his protection - mine! He's got a ton of family here, I don't.

He does have a car that is solely under my name and he's in possession of it. He's told the police I have the keys, which I don't and yet it's still with him.

Maybe after the 8 attempts with no success to have the other party arrested you would consider that your position is not appropriate?

No… after that time I finally got to move away from him! But he still followed me to where I am and did damage. But because it's not camera or witnessed I didn't bother with it anymore.
I live in fear still.

Tayken - for you this is a joke! For me, I live the nightmare!
Investing 30 years into a marriage and leaving with nothing is fair? Would you do it? If your ex takes everything from you and does to you what was done to me?

[sa_snoopin]

I invite you to come to court and see my court documents. It's not strange or bizarre. The fact is that I want an equalization of assets and the monster refuses to give it. The judges keep putting us to conferences instead of ordering an end. The first two lawyers only wrote letters and emails for full disclosure in order to settle. I could no longer afford them as he refused to do anything. The third lawyer finally went to court and that's when I was able to get away from him. The ex was ordered to pay some of the court costs but not enough to cover the fees. Again, I couldn't afford to keep him and he advised me to try it on my own since it was a simple matter of division. No children involved.
This lawyer suggested that I leave the matrimonial house since it would be safer for me and possibly easier financially as the ex refused to pay anything.

What's my fault? That I choose to leave? That I want half the assets? That I asked the police for protection? You don't think after he broke the mirror and broke down my bedroom door, he'd come after me next?

Yes I'm angry because this should've been a simple divorce and the ex feels that I'm not entitled to anything.

[Tayken]

Really? mischievous and frivolous? You should've been there and have it happen to you.

I am sorry that I can't empathize as PH has pointed out the inconsistencies in your "story" and projections of blame on this site already.

I remind you that false allegations of domestic violence is ABUSE. I truly hope you are not making false allegations against the other party.

Not his protection - mine! He's got a ton of family here, I don't.

See PH's responses which expose a lot of concerning observations...

He does have a car that is solely under my name and he's in possession of it. He's told the police I have the keys, which I don't and yet it's still with him.

You can have the car returned to you if your name is the sole on title. If you have the title in your name and the car is registered in your name any towing company will go get it. The police would even assist in the retrieval of your property.

No… after that time I finally got to move away from him! But he still followed me to where I am and did damage. But because it's not camera or witnessed I didn't bother with it anymore.

Yet, you continue to post to this forum looking for support to your allegations...?

I live in fear still.

Fear of what?

Tayken - for you this is a joke! For me, I live the nightmare!

No, it is NOT a joke to me. As a "new" poster you are not aware of who I am... What I don't find *funny* are the baseless allegations, statements of "God's justice", vengeance, anger and 8 failed attempts to leverage the police to have someone arrested which have all failed.

False allegations of domestic violence are ABUSE and a danger to society as a whole. Your numerous attempts over time without reason or cause (a chargeable offence under the CCC) puts other true victims at risk as your possibly incessant ranting to the police could put someone else at risk.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[sa_snoopin]

Taken - I don't know who you are.
The women's shelter that I ended up going to didn't see my fear as false! When someone comes after you and threatens you it IS abuse! The shelter verified that before they began helping me.

I came to this message board to get advice on how to end my nightmare. I was hoping for some legal direction, or advice from someone who may be in a similar situation.

Simply, how do I get a fair settlement from someone who refuses to think I should get anything at all?
Yes, in posting, I relive it all and get emotional and frustrated and it shows up in my writing. Yes, I'm a religious person and depend on God a lot for help.

[sa_snoopin]

I honestly believe you'd think differently if you saw the emails that have been sent to me, the stuff that's been done to me, saw the harrassing videos, pictures, etc...
If things aren't adding up for you it's because you've not seen all the documents or been in court with me or seen the run around given.

You really think the judge is right in putting this off. According to one lawyer the judges refuse to make a decision when the parties are so far apart in negotiations. He also suggested that the judge was giving the ex enough time to settle things without making an order.

I wish you'd see the truth!