Anyone else feeling hopeless, financially?

[Crgman]

50% of my take home salary goes to my ex to cover both spousal and child support. (My ex is not working).
My share does not even cover my monthly bills. I feel absolutely hopeless for the future - I am working to get further behind with no chance of ever catching up. Anyone else feel like that?

[rhondagirl]

I'm sorry you're feeling hopeless ... Divorces sure do cost.. ... Maybe it would help to focus on some positives ... and there are always positives ... and then write out a plan. As for positives, remember that CS/SS isn't forever ...

... I mean, the kids will grow up, so the CS part will finish. Do you have a termination date on the SS? Is your Ex obligated to get a job? (Shouldn't she be working?!) Is she obligated to eventually become self-sufficient? And if so, is there a review date on your order for SS? Did you own a home/etc. together to be sold/bought out? And, of course, there is also the chance that she (or you) will meet someone (romantically) with whom you may eventually share living expenses, and the amount of SS will go down/away. I guess my point is .. it will improve. It s*cks a bit for now though. Try not to feel hopeless .. that'll do you no good. Hang in there.

[microcrashboy]

check guidelines

I think you should check the guidelines and if you are waaay off go back to court the rules are "suppose" to be fair not put you in the poor house. Sometimes decision makers need to be reminded of that!

[sharong593]

I pay child support right now and I am on ODSP...I get 870.00 a month and according to the child support payments for 2 children I shouldn't even been paying anything. I have sent my ex a motion to change and apparantly he just ignored it....have not heard back from him. I pay 129.00 a month and I can barely make it on that alone, I get my kids every other weekend as well and I have to drive 45 minutes to and from to pick them up which is costly on gas as well......I know he makes at least 50,000 and his new wife is on LTD I believe and she was making quite a bit being a supervisor at a major company...so tell me who wins here????

[Paulzinho]

You have to follow through with the motion to change. People can't just ignore it. Well not for ever.
If things are not correct you have to have the gumption to fix it. Sounds like you are paying to much and 50% seems like undue hardship or you need to scale back on expenses. I know it sucks, but it seems to me that the court/lawyers err on the side of the children no matter how little it benefits them but devastates the payor.

What the legislators meant the law to be and how it actually is applied by the family courts especially regarding case law are sometimes very different.

[wretchedotis]

50% of my take home salary goes to my ex to cover both spousal and child support. (My ex is not working).
My share does not even cover my monthly bills. I feel absolutely hopeless for the future - I am working to get further behind with no chance of ever catching up. Anyone else feel like that?

Every single day.

[sharong593]

So what you are saying is regardless of what the child support payment calculations are, I will still have to pay? I understand they are my kids and I realize I should support them, but my goodness I can barely scrape by to get groceries for them when they come every other weekend....while he has 2 vehicles, a harley, a paid house, a rental house, all of the ownings we had while together etc....how is this fair???
It has been a fight for years now, he figures I owe him big time and his new wife is very controlling so I know she has a lot to do with it as well as she has grown boys from her first marriage so she knows how to get what she wants apparantly, and she is very manipulative

[nogoingback]

50% of my take home salary goes to my ex to cover both spousal and child support. (My ex is not working).
My share does not even cover my monthly bills. I feel absolutely hopeless for the future - I am working to get further behind with no chance of ever catching up. Anyone else feel like that?

Yes, I am in the same boat. To dwell on it is depressing. To ignore it only prolongs the agony. My SS is up for review in April when my ex is to have put forth best her best effort in becoming employed. She has done nothing and there is no real incentive for her to do so. A systemic problem in my view. Family law definitely protects nonworking spouses at the longterm expense of the financial stability for the children and parents.

[Crgman]

I have kids 50% of the time, and no, no pending home sale. I am borrowing from one line of credit to pay another, not sure how I'm going to get xmas presents. Every morning I get up for work and ask myself why I am bother...

[DadwithSon]

Do your best to keep going for the kids. Before the breakup we were doing okay, enough to pay the bills but never save, so when the separate happened I had to pay for my lawyer on my credit card. $1100 later, I have no idea what to do for Christmas and she is still trying to fight over things we have in our agreement.

I'm in the same situation, having kids 50% of the time but she is taking a cut out of my pay. But if we both do what we can for our kids to be happy with them, show them that there are good days ahead and no matter what they can rely on us to take care of them, they will know which of their parents was working their fingers to the bone and who was a welfare queen on their Dad's income.

[Dieseldude4]

I feel the same pain out here in BC, hang in there my friend. We all need to voice our concerns, equality for all!

[Dieseldude4]

If you don't mind me asking, how did your ex-husband end up with sole custody from the start? That is quite unusual.

[Tayken]

I have kids 50% of the time, and no, no pending home sale. I am borrowing from one line of credit to pay another, not sure how I'm going to get xmas presents. Every morning I get up for work and ask myself why I am bother...

Because your children love you and deserve to be loved by you? You love your children and will support them in their endeavors because you love them?

[Janus]

I think you should check the guidelines and if you are waaay off go back to court the rules are "suppose" to be fair not put you in the poor house.

You must be new to family law. I have rarely seen any concern by the courts for the financial situation of the payor. It happens, but the case had better be sledgehammer obvious.

[Janus]

Because your children love you and deserve to be loved by you? You love your children and will support them in their endeavors because you love them?

He never said that he didn't love his children. He said that he despaired since his payments to his ex were so crippling that it left him unable to provide adequately for his children.


Being in debt is a stressful situation, one that often leads to suicidal ideation. Paying onerous levels of CS and SS is like being in debt, except that this is a debt that cannot be paid off, and any income earned will increase the debt. This makes it even worse than being in regular debt, and more stressful.

Most people have an expectation that their lives could improve. Maybe today is bad, but tomorrow might be better. In many cases, CS and SS removes that expectation. A payor is told by the court that life will not get better, that payments will continue at all costs.

This is what the OP is facing. Mouthing platitudes about how any money you give the ex is great for the kids doesn't fly for people who are facing these situations in real life. Of course OP is going to love his kids and support them emotionally in their endeavors, his worry was about the financial end of things, and last I checked, loving your kids is not accepted as payment by the courts (or ex spouses).