Short Term Marriage no Kids

[jameswift]

Married 3.5 Years
No Children
Wife decides to move out and live with her family
Matrimonial home is worth $160k with $158k mortgage - I'm still living here which costs me about $1000 per month.
She's going to school and not working
I'm working on my own business but my income is low ($2000 a month if that)


Based on equalization, there isn't much that needs to be done. She has some personal debt to CRA and another company and I have been living off the line of credit over the course of our separation. We both owe about $10k each in debt. The home value right now is virtually break even and if we factor in mortgage penalties and realtor fees, it would be at a loss for both of us.

Here is the problem

My ex says she wants the last 6 years of her life back and that she spoke to a lawyer and they said I should have to pay her $150,000 within a year to make things fair. She also wants my car (which is a lease) and that I have to pay her $5000 for the last 6 months we've been apart which I have to pay right now.

Here is my problem

It's sort of sad to say but I'm on the edge of going bankrupt. I had a few ideas and they didn't pan out. The divorce situation has made it difficult for me to work which contributed to my situation.

I ran some calculations and I keep finding online that the to equalize payments it would be $0 since there is no equity to divide. The other calculations is SS and that seems to be in the $200 per month region for 2-3 years.

I explained this to my ex and she keeps saying that I'm wrong and that I have to pay. This has been going on for a little over a month.

I can't afford a lawyer or want to get into that sort of mess. I have been looking for work the last 3 months and can't find anything which is also very stressful. I've been applying at some pretty lousy jobs too.

[OrleansLawyer]

Equalization:
Ask her for a Net Family Property Statement. Draft one up for yourself.

If you have a net loss over the course of the marriage then you will not have to pay her equalization. She will want to show this to her (and her lawyer). Indicate to them that you are considering declaring bankruptcy. This is substantiated if your debts are greater than your assets.

Spousal Support
Length of cohabitation is what matters.

Ask her lawyer to show her entitlement. No entitlement, no support.

Show your recent income tax returns. You can't make a stone bleed.

My ex says

There is your problem. She is probably lying, either to you or the lawyer, about the $150,000 figure. Stop taking her advice - she isn't on your side.

[HammerDad]

Tell her it is nice to want things.

You may owe some SS if she can prove entitlement. There are various threads on here if you search. If she is able to prove entitlement, she may get 0.5 to 1 year of SS per year of marriage/common-law. But, you mentioned she isn't working right now. So you would want to impute an income to her equal to full time min-wage (about $20k a year). She is likely fully capable of working and supporting herself. Put in $20k into the spousal support calculator and determine what SS would be then.

She may be entitled to 1/2 the value of your company. You will need to have a valuation done to determine if it has any value.

She is entitled to 1/2 the equity in the less, less her portion of realtor and legal fees (if the house would be sold). So essentially nothing.

Provide her with full financial disclosure. I'd make offers to settle based off of what your numbers provide.

The leased car may have some equity in it, but it isn't that easy to ascertain as it is a lease and thus, neither of you "own" the car. It wouldn't be an asset for either of you.

Your ex is going to say a lot of things. And likely none of those things will be to your advantage. She will say she spoke to a lawyer who said this or that. My advice to you is stop taking legal advice from your ex (or her lawyer if she has one)!!! Go to your local family law court house, see if you can talk to duty counsel or if they have a FLIC office. See what they say. But taking your ex's advice is a recipe for distaster for you.

[Tayken]

My ex says she wants the last 6 years of her life back and that she spoke to a lawyer and they said I should have to pay her $150,000 within a year to make things fair...

Dear X:

Thank-you for your candid explanation of the law as provided by an unknown barrister and solicitor. It is important we both seek independent legal advice regarding our separation and eventual divorce. I kindly request in the future that should you be relying upon the advice of a barrister and solicitor in alleging that I "owe" you anything that you have this lawyer contact directly by registered mail setting forward your position regarding these matters directly to me.

At any time in these matters should you or I wish to settle these matters an offer to settle can be made in accordance with Rule 18 of the Family Law Rules by either party.

If you would like to clearly communicate your position I kindly ask that you adhere to Rule 18 of the Family Law Rules and propose offers to settle regarding these matters so I can review them with a professional and respond accordingly.

I look forward to working with your barrister and solicitor of record regarding these and other matters.

Yours very truly,
** Your name **

----

You can promptly throw away and demands that are made upon you that are not backed up by an Offer to Settle in accordance with Rule 18. Your matter is incredibly simple. You would be wise to seek out a few hours of legal counsel and have them put together a comprehensive offer to settle in accordance with Rule 18 and to have the lawyer serve it on the other party.

Don't bother discussing things like this directly with the other party. Move every discussion to email at minimum and by voice telephone conversations etc. Document it all through email correspondence. If she calls you follow up with an email explicitly detailing everything discussed in the phone conversation and a request to acknowledge receipt and any opposition to the facts as stated in the email.

The other party can tell you that their magical lawyer Voldermort says the moon is made of cheese. You are under no obligation to believe anything she tells you. Read the Family Law Rules, Family Law Act and other materials and educate yourself. Voldermort and your ex-partner are not your source of legal advice.

Family Law Information Centre (FLIC) - Find one close to you and get some legal advice yourself from a non-biased party.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Tayken]

There is your problem. She is probably lying, either to you or the lawyer, about the $150,000 figure. Stop taking her advice - she isn't on your side.

Excellent advice. It is amazing how people magically have non-existent lawyers once stuff hits the fan and dish out "legal advice".

As OrleansLawyer states... STOP TAKING HER ADVICE - SHE ISN'T ON YOUR SIDE and her "lawyer" who "has been practicing law ever since he was 15 years old and saw a friend wreck his bicycle into a tree. He successfully sued the owner of the tree for "gross negligence" and was awarded the sum of $15 million which he immediately spent on Pez and Hustler magazines. Now Leonard is much older and has expanded his operation to sue tree owners in over three states. He also handles various other accidents, whether they involve a tree or not. Although he prefers the tree ones much more."



Good Luck!
Tayken

[Mess]

Tayken says it in a much more entertaining way, but I'll chime in so you can have multiple opinions...

Your income right now is $2000 per month. Her income cannot be zero. I am in school as well, and have 2 part-time jobs. She can, and should, have an income, and would have an imputed income in any other circumstances.

I'm curious about the soap opera. You were married 3.5 years and she wants 6 years of her life back? Wish her good luck with that. If this were me, I would send her a registered letter (a waste, but it will be impressive) asking for 6 years of my life back and $200,000, as well as a percentage of her future earnings once she graduates, as per your contribution to her first year(s) of study. As well, male sperm doners are paid an average of $50-$75 per donation, so you should charge her for every time you had sex.

Although this isn't a family law standard, when I get work at school they always limit my hours to 16 per week, on the premise that a full-time student shouldn't be working too much. At minimum wage she should earn $6400 during the school year, and $5900 during the summer, for a total of $12,300 per year. The online support calculator says that you should pay spousal support of $44-$58 per month, for 1.5-3 years. I would ignore the the 3 years, it is not arguable, and frankly I would ignore the 50 bucks. She hasn't proven entitlement.

[arabian]

Totally agree with Mess's calculations. I'd even go one further and say that she might owe you money if you can't sell the house for what is owing on it (which isn't unusual).

[Tayken]

Although this isn't a family law standard, when I get work at school they always limit my hours to 16 per week, on the premise that a full-time student shouldn't be working too much. At minimum wage she should earn $6400 during the school year, and $5900 during the summer, for a total of $12,300 per year. The online support calculator says that you should pay spousal support of $44-$58 per month, for 1.5-3 years. I would ignore the the 3 years, it is not arguable, and frankly I would ignore the 50 bucks. She hasn't proven entitlement.

Also, the ex would be hard pressed to find a judge who will order spousal support for 44-58$ a month. To quote a very learned justice in the superior court when a litigant petitioned the court for a $xxx sum of monthly spousal support:

No I won't allow it. I know exactly why you and your client are requesting $xxx a month. So when your client loses their job or quits they can come back on a material change and get a new number. I simply will not allow this. Stop gouging!

Then the justice promptly order that the requesting party complete and serve a full release from spousal support at their expense for the other party.

[hadenough]

Ummmm. If there's a place that gives "years (of life) back" can you please post that info on here, or PM me lmao b/c I'd like ummmm about 15 years of mine back, but I'm willing to settle for 5!! I think that's pretty darn reasonable of me. So yes, please hook me up with that info if you can (maybe your ex has found a magic fountain or tree?). I need to go to that 'place.'

Sounds like the ex is tripping on something strong :s

[arabian]

Ah she's full of hot air. I'd do what you have to do to remedy your own situation (bankruptcy or whatever) and let her go to the expense of serving you with divorce papers. Normally I believe it's best to be the person to initiate the process, in your case I'd pretty much ignore her and try to get on with your life. If her parents want to spend gags of money on a lawyer (for nothing) so be it. You can easily and honestly present your situation when the time comes. Pretty hard to suck blood from a stone etc.

Get this matter settled while she is living with parents. Handy that as it shows she has no "need" per se and you are making zippo money.

[arabian]

wonder if my lawyer thinks I can get back "30 yrs" of my life spent with the ex? Yeah I should have asked for that ass & face lift...

[OrleansLawyer]

As OrleansLawyer (who is a lawyer BTW) states

Please note that I do not claim to be a lawyer nor should anything posted be taken to be legal advice. Or advice in any sense of the word.

Tayken, I would appreciate if you could edit the quoted post to remove any confusion.

[sahibjee]

is she asking for six years because you were together for about three before the marriage? i think in that case judges look at the duration.

your case is 100% scenario of the math person vs the emotion person, Tayken posts the articles related to this in several posts. worth reading. do a search.

[Mess]

Depends on living together for those years, or dating. The total time spent living together will be looked at.

[Canadaguy]

My ex says she wants the last 6 years of her life back and that she spoke to a lawyer and they said I should have to pay her $150,000 within a year to make things fair. She also wants my car (which is a lease) and that I have to pay her $5000 for the last 6 months we've been apart which I have to pay right now.

Did you co-habitate before marraige and if so for how long? If so SS starts from the cohabitate date, not your marraige date. thus you would need to re-run your SS calculation. Be careful about the value of your company. She might be entitled to half of it.

I explained this to my ex and she keeps saying that I'm wrong and that I have to pay. This has been going on for a little over a month.

Do what Tayken and Mess suggest. If she is right and you are wrong ask her for proof and be prepared to counterdict with factual evidence. She has to prove SS entitlement and provide you with full financial disclosure too. It goes both ways.

I can't afford a lawyer or want to get into that sort of mess. I have been looking for work the last 3 months and can't find anything which is also very stressful. I've been applying at some pretty lousy jobs too.

It is unavoidable. You can't stop her from coming at you the same as movie starts can't stop the paparazzi. It will take time, money and lots of effort but if you attack it with the facts the outcome will be fair and not "because she said" result.