Is FRO really to blame here?

[Soccermom]

Hello All:

Had my first court appearance re child support issues and I would like to share my experience and seek opinions as to what others think. I'd also like to say this website has provided valuable information about the court process. (My situation and questions were previously posted for anyone who would like backgroun information).

According to my common-law 'ex':

He makes $56,000 per year.

He is still legally married and pays $1800 per month to his ex and has been doing so for twenty years. Although FRO takes half his pay, he is still accumulating arrears for spousal and child support.

Child support to our kids is $600 per month and he is in arrears because I have not received the full amount for about 8 years now. His explanation is that the majority of the 50% deducted from his pay is going towards spousal support payments and not the minor children. It is my understanding that, legally, child support takes precedence over spousal support. Is this correct?

He also stated that FRO "made" him take his ex wife and me to court in order to reduce his payments and/or arrears. He tells me his spousal payments have been reduced to $1,000 per month and he wants to reduce his child support payments to $350 because he says he can't afford any more. In fact, he was leary to promise $350 because "he has to live, too". Forget about medical/dental or any other expenses.

I am left wondering how an able-bodied adult who works part-time, got the matrimonial home and contents, also qualifies for $1,000 a month spousal payment (apparently for life), while minor children must do without.

He also wants me to 'sign away' the arrears he owes to me, although his other ex reduced, but didn't sign away hers.

He also stated his concern that, if I agree to the reduced child support amount, I may still NOT get the reduced amount because FRO may increase spousal support payments to his ex.

Am I being sold a sob-story here? While I'm not interested in seeing my ex go through hardship and I know you can't get blood from a stone, I just don't understand the spousal support issue in comparison to his obligation to his children. He has put the blame on FRO for all his financial troubles and insists he didn't want to take me to court, but FRO forced him.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[standing on the sidelines]

I take it that the SS for the ex wife was before you got court ordered CS and did you get SS also?? if so then I am thinking cs takes precedent when its the same case as in yours, that is a person asking for SS and also CS for kids. The ex wife should not have her stuff cut, its not her fault he and you decided to have kids together. Dont blame her for that, the courts must have thought she had a good case and proved entitlement. Do not worry about her, there is nothing you can do with the SS she is getting, just concentrate on your case.

[bookgirl1209]

FRO only does what court tells them to do.
I suppose if he's in arrears they may give him ideas of how he can deal with that...but I don't think FRO can tell him you must do this.

[sahibjee]

the man indeed is in great difficulty from what you state, from what i can see his take home pay would be around $3150 a month out of which 1575 are automatically deducted, he has the rest to live with. all other living expenses have to be covered out of what is left, that would include the lawyer because he wont qualify for legal aid.

$1000 is not reasonable though for SS if she is also working part time, even on minimum wage, but that also depends upon the number of children and the length of marriage. i think he should go back to court and get the SS and arrears truncated.

[Soccermom]

I take it that the SS for the ex wife was before you got court ordered CS and did you get SS also?? if so then I am thinking cs takes precedent when its the same case as in yours, that is a person asking for SS and also CS for kids. The ex wife should not have her stuff cut, its not her fault he and you decided to have kids together. Dont blame her for that, the courts must have thought she had a good case and proved entitlement. Do not worry about her, there is nothing you can do with the SS she is getting, just concentrate on your case.

I'm not laying blame on anyone, only trying to understand why FRO deducts half his pay but doesn't send me the court ordered CS amount...basically I receive what may be left over after they pay her SS first. His first ex did not receive CS, as the children were grown.

I could have gotten SS myself as well as pension credits, but did not pursue. I am merely seeking what is best for my children from a father who chose to drop out of the children's lives for the last 7 years, only to return, begging me to reduce his CS payments.

[Soccermom]

FRO only does what court tells them to do.
I suppose if he's in arrears they may give him ideas of how he can deal with that...but I don't think FRO can tell him you must do this.

Thank you for your reply.

I agree with you, as I have been researching what FRO can/cannot do.

The ex told me that FRO made him file court papers to eliminate his CS payments and he was "shocked" that I would have to attend court (which is 3 hours away from where I live).

While I don't wish to participate in a long, drawn-out court case, I also don't want to be manipulated into something that may be detrimental to my children. I know I can't count on him to be totally honest with me.

[Soccermom]

the man indeed is in great difficulty from what you state, from what i can see his take home pay would be around $3150 a month out of which 1575 are automatically deducted, he has the rest to live with. all other living expenses have to be covered out of what is left, that would include the lawyer because he wont qualify for legal aid.

$1000 is not reasonable though for SS if she is also working part time, even on minimum wage, but that also depends upon the number of children and the length of marriage. i think he should go back to court and get the SS and arrears truncated.

Thanks for the response. That is my concern...why is he asking the children to sacrifice CS when he is still paying SS to his first ex, for the last 20 years? I have no proof he makes these payments to her...other than what he tells me.

I have a case conference papers to fill out, so I'm thinking I should request some documentation as to what he pays in SS. He does not help out with medical/dental or any other expenses - ever - so before I agree to a reduction in CS and elimination of arrears, I guess I'd better find some truths out about what he is saying.

Thank you everyone for your replies!

[standing on the sidelines]

I'm not laying blame on anyone, only trying to understand why FRO deducts half his pay but doesn't send me the court ordered CS amount...basically I receive what may be left over after they pay her SS first. His first ex did not receive CS, as the children were grown.

I could have gotten SS myself as well as pension credits, but did not pursue. I am merely seeking what is best for my children from a father who chose to drop out of the children's lives for the last 7 years, only to return, begging me to reduce his CS payments.

Probably her order was first so she gets paid first.

[littlehope]

SS for life? Is this even possible?
Gosh, if it IS true, I wonder why anyone would get married... or live with anyone for that matter.

Scary.

[Soccermom]

I spoke with someone from FRO and they advised that they do not ever force the payor to take anyone to court. They also advised that my ex went for a hearing to determine why he wasn't paying his support obligations and a judge gave him a minimum amount he was required to pay in CS - or else he would face jail time! I don't know about the SS because, obviously, FRO isn't allowed to discuss that case with me.

It's quite clear to me now that my ex wasn't exactly being honest with me, so I am going to the case conference with the purpose of obtaining further information before I agree to a reduction of CS and/or elimination of the arrears owing.

I will update when I know more.

Thanks to everyone for your input/discussion!

[Teenwolf]

If you don't believe he's being honest with you, then you're doing the right thing by not agreeing to a reduction in CS until he proves his situation to you. Under the guidelines, he can show undue hardship if he has a legal duty under a judgment, order or written separation agreement to maintain any person. He's already claiming this, now the onus is on him to prove it.