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My stbx shakes my confidence

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  • My stbx shakes my confidence


    I am new here though I have been reading forums for a couple of months.
    I was married 13yrs, have 3 kids 12/10/6 and was forcibly separated Jan 28/2012. Forcibly because my stbx was charged with assault and mischief and ordered no contact. Thank gawd, because the time enabled The FOG to lift....mostly (Btw, charges were withdrawn for a peace bond, but that is another story)

    Though this high conflict separation, my stbx has shaken my confidence on a number of occasions by telling me what her lawyer says I am responsible for (in respect to paying ss, cs, s.7 etc ) When I ask my lawyer's advice she would tell me something different, but my stbx still had a spell over me that made me believe her and doubt my lawyer. Crazy eh?

    Close to $30,000 in legal fees, only a case conference, not even a motion before the court, my lawyer and I parted ways due to my inability to pay. Stbx's lawyer also dropped her for same reason. However prior to losing our lawyers, they came up with a separation agreement (which my stbx never signed) Some background: My stbx was injured in a car accident 2 1/2 yrs ago and was on disability for 2 yrs. She was cut off long term disability for not submitting paperwork about 20 months into disability. She was then only receiving insurance payments ($900 biweekly, caregiver and housekeeping) until march of this year, no income for a month and then modified hours for a few weeks until today where she is working full time again (off course she is on lay off notice)

    The separation agreement was drawn up while she was beginning her modified duties. The financial part of the agreement stated that I would pay $1069 cs, and $461 ss, based on an offset amt for 50/50 child care and her long term disability line 150 of $25,000 for her 2010 taxes (her current wage is approx. $45,000 which is what it was before the accident). This would be for 3 month interim, non precedent basis where we would re-evaluate her income. Since the parting with the lawyers, I have been doing a lot of reading of this forum, following all the links I can that pertain to my situation.

    In the ss guidelines I found this under s.6.6 There are a number of sources of income that are received on a non-taxable basis, most commonly some disability payments, workers’ compensation, and income of aboriginal persons earned on reserve. For child support purposes, this income has to be “grossed up” to approximate the equivalent taxable employment income, under s. 19(1)(b)

    Where are they referring to when the reference s.19(1)(b)?

    In s.6.7 of ss guidelines it says. The with child support formula is not tied so tightly to living standards and incomes at separation, as ability to pay issues loom larger where both child and spousal support have to be paid. Under both formulas post-separation increases in the recipient’s income are relevant given the obligation to pursue self-sufficiency.

    For the past month and a half, we agreed to pool our incomes and I would pay bills and we would give ourselves an allowance. She tabled this as a 3 month trial because she was hoping to get back together, she wanted me to see how she changed. Well she didn't change, after 1 month when I didn't move back in, she cancelled the arrangement. Though that month and a half was great, we were amicable and did things together with the kids. Which leaves us to today.

    She is expecting $1530 tomorrow, but from what I have read, she is only entitled to the cs table amount of $735 based on her current income which is on par for $45,000yr. Is this correct? Her disability claim was temporary, she was making $45,000 prior to that working full time. But she tells me that her lawyer states that it is based on line 150 only regardless if she is back to work. She also stated that her lawyer laughed and said "let them try" about the 3 month temporary agreement for cs to be re-evaluated.
    Any thoughts?

    Even if we based it on 2010 income. She failed to report her insurance income, which at $900 biweekly and For child support purposes, this income has to be “grossed up” to approximate the equivalent taxable employment income. This would amount to at least $29,404. Add the $25,000 long term disability payments and she is up to $54,484. If you want to split hairs... I don't. I am pretty confident that it is reasonable to pay her based on her income of $45,000.

    Is it reasonable to pay her the table amount of child support based on her having an income of $45,000? I know when I tell her, she will be angry and lie and tell me 'facts' that her lawyer told her and in the end once again, shake my confidence. Please help me keep my head out of the fog.

    Thank you

  • #2
    Do not take legal advice from your ex or your ex's lawyer!!!

    If you need to - last 3 years average income reported and (you may need to prove the unclaimed income - cam you?) is what is often done when income goes up and down,,, it is a start at least. 45,000k sounds reasonable but I would not take less - I just get the feeling this would come back to bite you. The laws are set as far as how to determine our income for the year. Use it.


    • #3
      Originally posted by ddol1 View Post
      Do not take legal advice from your ex or your ex's lawyer!!!
      My thoughts exactly! Take anything she says with a grain of salt. Keep in mind that the ex and her lawyer are trying to get as much out of you as possible.


      • #4
        Its not that her income goes up and down regularly, it was a 2 yr disability, and she is now back to work. The only reason she stayed off the full 2 yrs was because she was making more money being off, than working.

        As for proving the unreported income; I am going to the bank tomorrow and hoping they can get me copies of the cheques that were deposited, its a closed account however. I do have her on tape talking about that income, but as far as I understand, taped conversations are pretty much worthless.

        Even last 3 years' average would help, that is good news.

        Thank you

        Is it reasonable, given the circumstances, to start cs payments figuring her income at $45,000 until we go to mediation, or court? I don't want to anger a judge. The cs amount I want to give her would make our net income pretty close. CS and SS payments figured for her line 150 last year will give her a net income of almost 2x my own.


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