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  • How can a parent (father) get away without paying support

    Hi everyone i have a situation that i am jsut steaming over that i would like to have some advice on. I have sole custody of my two children that I won from my ex so to speak. I did this while he was in prison. In our final order it states that when he gets released and gets employment he has to notify my lawyer within 7 days in order for a support order to be put in action. He has been out for almost two weeks now and has decided to go on welfare and not seek employment. Why is it so easy for these ex cons to go on welfare to avoid paying child support?? I am not the only mother that he owes this too. I have one child who is 2 years old that is disabled and needs help. And instead of helping his children out he is galavanting allover Scarborough and GTA going to movies etc. Is there anything that can be done? When we were in mediation he suggested I take the children 2 hours from their home for supervised visitation and he offered up 100 dollars for my trouble. So why can he not send that hundred dollars as child support?? (That arrangement was shot out of the park by the way bcause of my sons disability given his age). Please help me out with any and all advice I can use.

  • #2
    Your situation is NOT a gender issue. If you were the father and the other paren, the mother, the issue would be the same. Please do not make this a gender issue.
    he just got out and his first priority must be to secure safe housing for him and for the children to visit. If you need money that badly you should budget better or be looking for alternative income support as last I heard one can not earn a proper salary while incarcerated.
    Give him a chance to find a job.
    Where do you work?

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by FaithandMorals View Post
      Your situation is NOT a gender issue. If you were the father and the other paren, the mother, the issue would be the same. Please do not make this a gender issue.
      he just got out and his first priority must be to secure safe housing for him and for the children to visit. If you need money that badly you should budget better or be looking for alternative income support as last I heard one can not earn a proper salary while incarcerated.
      Give him a chance to find a job.
      Where do you work?
      I am sorry you feel that way I did not want to post everything about this person if i did your response would be quite different. While incarcerated he worked instead of sending money to ALL his childrens mothers. He sent a total of four thousand dollars that he made while incarcerated to only two of his childrens mothers. He has a place to stay he is living with his mother again so he is in safe housing at least till people find out he is a registered sex offender. As for visitation he can only have supervised access with his children (not just mine). As a single mother of two children under the age of 3 I am home most days however I do work in the evenings. My sons disability is life threatening that is why I only do part time work I budget better then most people for your information I feed my family on less then $400.00 a month however my fridge and freezers (yes plural as i have an 17 year old son who does work as well and helps out all he can) I coupon and price match so I never pay full price for anything.My bills are paid in full every month as well. My concern is the fact he is not looking for employment so he does not have to pay support to ANY of his childrens mothers. I was with this man for three years and only at the end of our relationship did it come out that he only stayed employed long enough till fro caught up to him then he would quit. And that was before I gave birth to my first child with him. The second child with him was 8 weeks after the birth of my daughter. There are 10 children by the way. And I am sorry I have a few friends that have records and have been incarcerated and have found jobs in order to pay support. As for a place for his children to visit!!! None of his children can go visit him he has been ordered supervised visitation for all his children or no contact at all. I hope this helps you understand my post a bit better because Sir you are missing the point of my post.

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      • #4
        oh and the money he sent out while incarcerated was to mothers that do not have children with special needs and disabilities.

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        • #5
          If you have a court order, you can get FRO involved. Maybe they can garnish his welfare check or something.

          And have you thought of maybe contacting his parole officer to see if there is anything they can do? Maybe he only sends money to two of the other mothers because those are the ones Corrections knows about.

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          • #6
            10 kids??

            Whatever child support you may receive, would not be significant.

            You sure know how to pick em.

            I think you are wasting time and effort pursuing him for support - you'd be better to forget about him and focus on helping your children the best you can.

            Father has record, friends have a record. Sounds like you need to think about who you socialize with, for the sake of your kids.

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            • #7
              I am also keen to understand how you could have another child 8 weeks after giving birth?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by FaithandMorals View Post
                I am also keen to understand how you could have another child 8 weeks after giving birth?
                wonder if she meant that she got pregnant with #2 eight weeks after??? Dont mean to sound harsh but very stupid thing to do.

                I have a dislike for posters who knows the background of their ex and still decide to have kids with him then bitch about how he doesnt support his kids. OMG if he wasnt paying for his other kids you know what kind of a person he is. Keep the legs closed.

                I really hope she didnt know he was a sex offender before she had kids. If she did then no sympathy from me.

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                • #9
                  Actually I did not know the background of my ex till after i found out about my second pregnancy. And no i did not know about his being a sex offender that came out afterwards when he had to make a trip to toronto for court and that was after I found out i was pregnant with baby number 2. and in response to billm I find it hard to believe that you have no acquantinces (not sure of the spelling) that have been in trouble no matter how minimal with the law. I do not judge people however the people that i have met that were incarcerated were incarcerated for nothing as bad as being a sex offender these were things done stupidly that got them into trouble.

                  Rioe as for garnishing his welfare unfortunately no it cannot be done at all I have already checked into it. My next step is to find out who his po is as it has changed from the last time he got out.
                  Standing on the sidelines in response to your post Yes it was a stupid thing to do however it happened and I do not regret it at all he is my joy as is my other two children and no i did not know he was a sex offender prior to having a relationship with him.

                  Thank you for your responses

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                  • #10
                    yes ten kids however there are only support orders for mine to come into play and two other parents

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                    • #11
                      Dont hold your breath waiting for CS.It may NEVER happen !!!!Plenty of men and women have successfully spent decades avoiding paying child support.From working under the table, to welfare and working under the table to flat out mooching off the parents.......the deatbeats come in all shapes and sizes and genders.They have one thing in common -a true sense of dedication to screwing over their ex partner and kids.

                      That kind of dedication is impossible to reason with.Many of these deatbeats also want joint or sole custody JUST so they can screw the other parent for CS while in turn remaining unemployed/underemployed.Its all a big joke to them and they really couldn't care less about the kids.

                      It would be great if we could force people to work ,and be good and caring parents, but life isn't like that.The best thing you can do is take care of your kids, and build your life without any expectation of child support.If you get some in the future .good for you but don't waste time here and now fretting over it-it isn't going to get you anywhere.

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                      • #12
                        I also would not expect any sort of CS, as it is clear he dodges the support of his other 8 children... how many children did he have before you got pregnant with your first one?

                        However, I do take offense to the fact that you feel your children deserve support over any of his other children. While your children may have disabilities (and I feel for you as I have family members with young children who have disabilities) that does not mean the children without disabilities do not deserve the support. While I understand you are frustrated, it may be best to never expect support from this man.

                        That being said... he has only been out for TWO weeks... after being incarcerated for years and now having that background, he is going to have a tough time finding work with any employer that performs a background check... if he sat on welfare for years I could understand, but seriously... two weeks?

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                        • #13
                          In the event a payor spouse is not working despite having the ability to do so, they may have an income imputed to them and, based on that income, a child support award can be made which FRO will enforce.

                          Notwithstanding the above, if the man has ten children then he is likely to have a strong argument that guideline child support would place him under hardship. Do your best to care for your children and consider getting to know the father of any other children you have before having said children to avoid similar issues in future.

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                          • #14
                            I am unsure if they garnishee welfare payments, but FRO can garnisheed at the Federal level, meaning any GST/HST, income tax refunds to him would be going directly to FRO then to you! Being on welfare on a low income, I would think he would receive a refunds and qualify for GST rebate?

                            As for you beiing with this man whether you knew the history or not, it is not up to us to judge you; I am sure every single one of us in this world have made a mistake along the way in our lifetime, whether we regret it or not. Let's stay positive here!

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                            • #15
                              I'm not trying to judge here...but...

                              I was with this man for three years and only at the end of our relationship did it come out that he only stayed employed long enough till fro caught up to him then he would quit. And that was before I gave birth to my first child with him. The second child with him was 8 weeks after the birth of my daughter.
                              and

                              Actually I did not know the background of my ex till after i found out about my second pregnancy.
                              are mutually exclusive statements. You knew he had other kids, and you knew he didn't pay support or have anything to do with them, BEFORE you had a second child with him.

                              and in the three years you were together, can you honestly say you didn't know he had other kids? Did he work? Did he bounce from job to job? I KNOW guys like this, and maybe you didn't WANT to notice, but I really really doubt that looking back there weren't some big warning signs.

                              Bad life choices.../shrug...we're all made them at some point. It's not relevant to the matter at hand. I know it's frustrating, but you need to take a step back and separate the emotional baggage and bullshit from the facts.

                              You can't get blood from a stone.
                              He's got 10 kids that he has nothing to do with.
                              He's on welfare
                              He's a proven deadbeat,
                              He's got a record.
                              He JUST got out of the clink.

                              You are better off cutting all ties and just considering yourself lucky that you have the kids and he has no influence over them. If you read any of my posts you'll realize I don't generally advocate for this kind of thing. I, as with most of the posters on this forum, generally advocate for equal parenting time. However your situation as described falls into that tiny little exception...where one parent is a documented and proven danger.

                              Also, I would recommend you leave his PO alone (what is it really going to accomplish other than pegging you as a "crazy ex"). PO has nothing to do with it. If the ex ever grows a brain, all that serves is to give him ammunition to use AGAINST you.

                              In all reality, unless he wins the lottery or something, you will never, ever see a dime of support. Or what you DO see is going to be peanuts compared to the headaches that staying involved with him is going to cause.

                              This would be why it's generally a good idea to know the person before having kids with them. If they have other kids, don't have any involvement and don't pay support, those are some pretty big red flags that having children with that person is probably NOT the smartest move.

                              Chalk it up to a poor decision on your part (hindsight is 20-20 I know), considered it a lesson learned, and move on.

                              Comment

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