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  • now the vacation assets...

    Am desperately trying to get my SA done - but with each back and forth comes the latest...now she wants a financial payout for vacation time I have accrued...I usually carry over one year's allotment and am now told that that is in fact an asset that she is entitled to....I keep the holiday bank going in case I suffer a long term injury and I can use the credits to keep my pay topped up.

    Four conditions are what is separating us...she refuses to sign off on a) we shall not interfere in each others work environment b) she refuses to have me be the trustee to her life insurance even though she is the trustee on mine c) she refuses to seek full time work consistent with her level of education MBA and d) she wants to use a mediator on all disagreements - even ones that the mediator really does not have the power to decide upon...

    $2900.00/mth in CS and SS - ....and I can't get this damned thing signed...she wants me destitute and unable to care for my kids.... I think its time to get in front of a judge...what am I looking at approximately...20K ?

  • #2
    Originally posted by thefunone View Post
    Four conditions are what is separating us...she refuses to sign off on a) we shall not interfere in each others work environment
    Do you think she has plans to do just that if you agree to take the clause out? And how would that clause protect you from her doing it anyways? I'm not sure what your work is, but how would she be able to interfere?

    Originally posted by thefunone View Post
    b) she refuses to have me be the trustee to her life insurance even though she is the trustee on mine.
    I don't think this is unreasonable. I would not want my ex to have my whole life insurance payout in the event of my death. Suggest someone else instead, like one of her relatives you trust, whom she might find more acceptable, with instructions to provide for the children. Do the same thing with yours, for fairness.

    Originally posted by thefunone View Post
    c) she refuses to seek full time work consistent with her level of education MBA
    This does sound hard to have in a separation agreement. You can impute an income to her for child support purposes that she could be capable of making, which is certainly incentive for her to find work. You can refuse to pay her spousal. But I don't know how you could make a court order saying she had to work.

    Originally posted by thefunone View Post
    and d) she wants to use a mediator on all disagreements - even ones that the mediator really does not have the power to decide upon...
    A mediator doesn't make decisions; they just help you through disagreements to come to your own mutual decisions. Many agreements have a clause saying that in the event of dispute, mediation will be sought before going to court, without specifying what topics are appropriate.

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    • #3
      Thank you Rioe - yes - I think she would love to contact my work - try to find out what I am working in OT...or anything else - and yes - you're right it is not enforceable anyway unless she does it to the degree that it interferes with my ability to work stress free....b) thats the thing ...she DEMANDS to be trustee of mine...but she does not WANT me to be trustee of hers...I don't believe that that is very fair c) its not that she HAS to get a full time job - but she needs to look for work as part of her ability to be responsible for the welfare of our children - there is nothing precluding her from getting work - just herself. d)...sorry meant arbitrator...not mediator...

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      • #4
        One suggestion - I don't know how long you were married but I've heard of SS with a sliding scale (as her wage increases the ss decreases) and set with a reasonable time limit for her to get re-established in the work force.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by thefunone View Post
          Thank you Rioe - yes - I think she would love to contact my work - try to find out what I am working in OT...or anything else - and yes - you're right it is not enforceable anyway unless she does it to the degree that it interferes with my ability to work stress free....b) thats the thing ...she DEMANDS to be trustee of mine...but she does not WANT me to be trustee of hers...I don't believe that that is very fair c) its not that she HAS to get a full time job - but she needs to look for work as part of her ability to be responsible for the welfare of our children - there is nothing precluding her from getting work - just herself. d)...sorry meant arbitrator...not mediator...
          Leave the work interference clause out, but remember you can instruct your company's HR department not to talk to her, and if she persists, you could have her charged with harassment. That would have more teeth than your proposed clause.

          Make the trustee thing fair. You each pick one another, or you each pick a relative, or you can both pick the same person if you can agree on someone. Here though, I would get at the heart of why she insists on having it this way. Does she think she wouldn't get any more CS money if someone else was your trustee?

          Lots of stuff on this forum about dealing with exes who refuse to work.

          Mediation before arbitration is always best. If she wants arbitration later on things that are not suitable, she's going to be the one looking ridiculous and maybe you can even have her pay costs.

          As other, wiser, people than me have said around here, you can't legislate against stupidity.

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          • #6
            We have a review set up for Jan 2013 - the reason for the review is go over the conditions set out in the SA - if in Jan 2013 - she has not shown any efforts to try to secure employment - it is at that time that I would seek for a wage to be imputed - I am not unreasonable - I'm not suggesting she get a full time job right now...but surely with the kids in school full time - she can join the regular work force as does the many other women on this forum - she has over 400 days to do so.....she seeks a 'cash for life' program - that can't be sustained. She currently ends up with a monthly income of over 5k for working 8hrs a week...why would she want to work more - this is not a woman who was snatched out of highschool and barefoot and pregnant from then on - she's a well educated woman capable of doing more than she is...hell - I wish I could work 8hrs a week and bring in over 5k a month....

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            • #7
              Thanks again folks for the reply - and yes - I may just remove the clause to get the damned thing signed - and yes - I have been instructed that if she continually to seek a harassment charge. As for the trustee thing - with her having the MBA in finance - she certainly feels as though she can adequately handle the funds - although me being a stupid civil servant - I can't manage money to save my life...everything for her - nothing for me....alas - it is what it is...can't legislate against stupid....made me laugh....thanks

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              • #8
                Perhaps you could talk with your lawyer about writing into the will about having a trust fund established from your estate in the event of your death. CS to be paid out from the interest and whatever is left over to be turned over to the child when the hit 21?

                Then insist she do the same and call it a day. Name the firm the trustee. That way neither of you can touch it, and it all goes to the kids.

                Comment

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