Increase CS

[Inch]

A year ago we reached an agreement in court for custody and child support. In our court order it states that Commencing on June 1, 2012 and continuing every year thereafter each party shall provide to the other his or her complete income tax return and notice of assessment for the immediately preceding year for the purpose of adjusting any child support amount and or s. 7 expense contribution. The adjusted amount would commence on the immediately following July 1st.


As of today he has still not paid the increase of support which is about $100 more then it was. Please remember that he is hard to talk to in a civil manner, as once I reminded him of something on the order and he states " I know you don't have to tell me what to do or remind me. I know everything". He has been late paying once as I was out of town with our daughter on a family outing out of town and he sent me a text stating I have to be home on the first of every month so he can drop off CS. So since I was 3 hours away he stated that I would have to wait until he picked up our daughter 4 days later to receive the payment.
He has also not complied with the holiday schedule which states With respect to holiday access the following holidays would be shared equally by the parties with the exact dates and times to be arranged by the parties no later then days prior to the holiday. The last holiday he requested 5 days notice. When something is not working out the way he plans or I try to talk to him he states everytime "I am going to take you back to court" he has stated this several times. He states he has people watching me and I am now being followed by his friends, my parents motorcycle has been vandalized and yes the police have been involved.

I am just sick of looking over my shoulder and want to move on without problems but know that will never happen. Any advise please.

[NBDad]

Are you through FRO or enforcement? How does he normally pay you support? Take the order, get the paperwork and request that he file a motion with you on consent (via email) to update the CS amounts/S7 per the order.

Give him 10 days to respond. If he still refuses, you fill out a copy of the paperwork so it JUST needs his signature, and send it to him on Day 11 via registered mail, signature required.

Give him 10 more days to respond. Rinse and repeat after that for a total of 30 days passed.

After that you file a motion with the court (see duty council/etc for any assistance) asking for an increase in CS as per the order (attach all the paperwork you have as exhibit evidence, including the original email chain you sent him, the print outs showing the accepted service of the registered letters, etc), that he be found in contempt for failing to follow the order, and for costs.

You probably WON'T get the contempt motion or the costs right away, but the point is to ask EVERY time you go to court over stupidity like this. Eventually the judges will get sick of dealing with him and start laying the hammer down on his ass.

Then file the court order with FRO or the provincial maintenance enforcement. It can take 6-8 weeks for them to get it in gear, but after they do, voila, no more dealing with the ex on CS. He pays them voluntarily, or they garnish his wages. If he doesn't pay, eventually they'll suspend his license, take his GST/Income tax, and/or toss him in the clink.

[Inch]

I am not with FRO as I have heard of horror stories with them and he pays me with a cheque on the 1st of every month. We do not communicate via email, we have a communication book that we write in daily regarding our daughter and that is it. I do record every pick up and drop off just in case. A friend suggested in writing a letter to him giving him 10 days to respond but I am not sure how to write it without sounding bitchy etc. Now that we are not in court his good boy attitude has gone down the toilet, he would rather hurt me in any way and what he doesn't realize is he is hurting his young daughter more.

[HammerDad]

For cheques, unless he e-transfers the money or gives you post dated cheques, there is not much you can do. C/S is paid monthly. If your arrangement is that he drops off a cheque the 1st of the month, and you are not home, that isn't really his fault. I wouldn't leave a cheque in your mail box either. So the late issue is on you, not him IMO. If you needed the money, you could've offered to go to his place to pick it up to save him the trip to drop it off again (you may have offered, but you don't mention it).

Otherwise, the wording of your order sucks. Yeah, lets force people who likely can't get along to try and work together. You post left out how many days notice he is required to give regarding the holidays, so I can't say if the 5 days was inappropriate. However, 5 days is not really that unreasonable.

IMO, you'd be WAY better off stating that holidays are to be split in a defined manner. Like you get easter in odd numbered years, he gets easter in even numbered years. And then define what "easter" is, meaning the 5pm the last day of school immediately prior to the easter weekend until 5pm the day before school resumes.

You'd be way better off asking him if he would sit down and define the long weekends, the holidays and start and end periods. That way there is no confusion about whose weekend it is, how much notice was provided etc.

[HammerDad]

Also, start to communicate via email.

I had a communication book that went back and forth with the kid. It sucks. It puts the kid in the middle as being the delivery person. They know what the book is.

Regarding the NoA, do what NBdad says. That is the safest way to proceed.

[NBDad]

Your choices boil down to two:

1. Follow the advice I gave you above. FRO can be a pain in the ass. (for the payor) especially when they payee is unreasonable.

2. Continue your current arrangement and be at the whim of your ex. If you actually NEED the CS to get through, then he holds the power to screw with you at any time. CS should only change once/year. Ask for post dated checks for the CS.

FRO is generally the best route if parents cannot get along. You merely need to be aware that they ONLY enforce court orders, so every time you exchange tax info, you MUST get a new order to account for the changes. The time is going to offset by at least 6-8 weeks while they process the new changes once they receive them.

FRO has a greater range of ability to enforce than you do alone. As mentioned, they can suspend his license, garnish his wages, seize bank accounts, GST/Income tax refunds,and toss him in jail for non payment.

[NBDad]

Also, with respect to holidays/etc. Do what Hammer said. My own order is VERY VERY specific. Most are. Define the Holidays, the pickup/drop off times, who picks up, who drops off, etc.

That way there is no confusion or BS about notice/etc. Your schedule never, ever changes, and you know YEARS in advance what it looks like.

[Inch]

For the holidays it states With respect to holiday access the following holidays would be shared equally by the parties with the exact dates and times to be arranged by the parties no later then 30 days prior to the holiday. Sorry when I typed it out I forgot the 30.
For that holiday he was working as he works continental shifts so on the holidays he works he has never ask for our daughter but this one he did and not sure how much time he actually spent with her.
I have photocopied the two cheques that were to have the increase. He now gives post dated cheques and I have had to remind him several times to bring cheque as he forgot. The one time he was late he was at work as he does work 12 hours shifts and I had plans for a family gathering, so he was not available to reach on that day and then told me I had to suffer and wait for the CS. I offer to pick up but he refuses.
I just want to live a somewhat normal life without wondering if I am being followed or bullied, or watched my every move.

[HammerDad]

IMO, you are making a bigger issue of the 1 time her was late. 1 time my c/s cheque bounced as my account was hacked and someone got $1000 out of it. But it was 1 time. How long has he been paying? 1 time in lets say 24 (2 years) is not a pattern. And now you have post dated cheques, so as long as you advise him when you are down to 1 cheque, you shouldn't have an issue (email him).

The issue where he had the child for the long weekend, and how much time he spent with the child....well, how he chooses to parent is not your concern so long as he isn't putting the child in danger or at risk. So if he was working nights, got a bit of sleep and then had the kid for the rest of the day, well that is his perogative.

Outside of all of the fluff here, the only real issue you seem to have is that he hasn't provided you with the c/s increase. Do you have his NoA to verify the amounts? If so, simply submit a motion to the courts to have c/s increased based off of the evidence in hand.

The issue with the long weekends is also easily solved by setting out the weekends on paper. It probably makes both of your lives easier as that is one less thing you have to deal with each other on.

[Inch]

Not making a big deal over being late was just commenting to a comment back as to why I didn't pick up the payment and how difficult he was about it.

Thanks for the advise and hope to resolve this matter without too much difficulty with the ex.

[hadenough]

Leap into this century and start communicating (as HD said) via email. Communication books can get lost or destroyed. In addition, it does put the child in the "messenger" role. Our communication book didn't last long. The cat pissed on it for one, and basically it was ineffective all-round.

In hindsight, the cat taking a whiz on it was the best thing that could have happened to that book

[Inch]

Giving you an update. I wrote a letter asking him to pay the increase and the back pay from July and August, had someone other then a family member witness it, gave it to him on a day he dropped off my daughter. When he came the next time to pick up he gave me a post dated cheque for old amount and in memo part of cheque instead of it stating child support he wrote "forget about it" and as he handed it to me stated "Do what you got to do and watch your back". Once he left I called the police and the police is CAS. This is not the first time he threatened me or my family and he has friends watching me and following me. Yesterday was the follow up with CAS and they ceased visitation until they met with him. So now I am seeking legal aid and going back to court. Received call from CAS today and he picked her up and CAS told me go back to court.

[hadenough]

Inch: can't believe he put that in the memo portion of the cheque. Crazy! Please be careful and extra vigilant. Good Luck.

[Teenwolf]

Giving you an update. I wrote a letter asking him to pay the increase and the back pay from July and August, had someone other then a family member witness it, gave it to him on a day he dropped off my daughter. When he came the next time to pick up he gave me a post dated cheque for old amount and in memo part of cheque instead of it stating child support he wrote "forget about it" and as he handed it to me stated "Do what you got to do and watch your back". Once he left I called the police and the police is CAS. This is not the first time he threatened me or my family and he has friends watching me and following me. Yesterday was the follow up with CAS and they ceased visitation until they met with him. So now I am seeking legal aid and going back to court. Received call from CAS today and he picked her up and CAS told me go back to court.

I don't know the guy, but it sounds like he's trying to be a bully and scare you off the path you're on. Good that you called the police; don't let that kinda BS slide. I know you heard horror stories of FRO, but my recommendation would be to register with them. If he doesn't pay the court ordered amount with FRO, then arrears build, and they will eventually take action on those arrears.

[Inch]

Well today he told me no matter what the court order say he doesn't have to increase CS due to the access is 40%. So I am off to legal aid today to get ball rolling.