Do I have to sell the mat home to the ex spouse??

[E-Gal]

Do I have a right to refuse to sell our mat home to my ex spouse?
He lives in the house. I moved out.
This is the history. He told me he will never ever let me buy the house. He will not buy it from me nor will he sell it.
We went to mediation - I asked him to buy it - no reply.
We went to court - the judge gave him a time frame, by which time if he did not buy it, it was to go up for sale.
I asked for it to be appraised (joint). He said no. He refused to let me get it appraised.
Finally upon threat by my laywer to get a motion to ask for the house to be sold, he finally gave us his papers that showed he had the house appraised "as is".
In the meantime, he's trashed the place, and of course it is not worth what it should be. It is in the low $200's but at the market value it should have sold around high $290's - 300K. (And it was listed unfortunately in the low 200's)
He finally agreed to get the house listed for sale. However, during this period, he was inebriated, rude to the potential buyers and real estate agent and even told the buyers not to put in an offer because he was going to buy it. One buyer retracted his offer after he had asked the RE agent to draw it up because of his behaviour and he was willing to pay list price.
That being said, we still have had multiple offers on the home (of those who dared to come and view it). And they are all willing to pay full price.
He has now made an offer on the house and wants to buy it at the list price.
He has stated to the RE agent that he has kept the material in the house (which is mat. assets) and "returned" some back, and he wasn't going to do it until after he bought it at the low price.
He has according to the RE Agent, approached one of the buyers to ask them to "low bid" on the property so he could come up higher in the price.

Because he has made an offer on the house, and all things being equal, does he get "first right of refusal"? (I have one other slightly higher). My ex is $ 100 less than the latest bid.
Question : Can I refuse to sell it to him.
I don't believe that after trashing the house so that he can buy it at a low price, and all these tactics to make it a level and fair bid for the house by potential buyers that he, frankly doesn't deserve to have it. I bought the house with my money, he's stayed in it, and now this.
I've been very patient, but I'm done. I want to sell it to a third paty.
I know it doesn't have anything to do with the house, but add the fact that he's a deadbeat and doesn't pay his CS, doesn't help with his daughters expenses for the last 3 years, and her dental and medical etc......the list goes on....
As I said, can the judge force me to take his offer, or can I within my legal rights say "no" even if he might make an offer above the current one ?

The RE Agent is willing to testify if subpoeaned.

Please help.

Thanks

[standing on the sidelines]

if i was you i would just sell it to him and get it over with. his offer is only 100 bucks less but its worth it. He will just make you drag it to court to get him to sign and then to move out.

[mcdreamy]

We had an independent offer in hand that was $30 grand higher than the offer from the ex.. We decided to cut our losses and let his ex take it, just to be rid of her finally. It was worth every penny, to be done.

[arabian]

If he keeps giving you grief I think you can have your lawyer have him removed from the house so it can be sold. However, your legal fees and court appearances could eat up the difference between an ideal offer and the one that he has made.

I'd sell it to him but keep the documentation of the higher offers. Maybe you could make a conditional settlement agreement where he pays you 50% of the difference between his offer and the highest offer you received. A good realtor should be able to give you some insight on this. What does your lawyer have to say? Is there a mortgage on the place?

[E-Gal]

If he keeps giving you grief I think you can have your lawyer have him removed from the house so it can be sold. However, your legal fees and court appearances could eat up the difference between an ideal offer and the one that he has made.

I'd sell it to him but keep the documentation of the higher offers. Maybe you could make a conditional settlement agreement where he pays you 50% of the difference between his offer and the highest offer you received. A good realtor should be able to give you some insight on this. What does your lawyer have to say? Is there a mortgage on the place?

My lawyer said that since he quoted a price, I had to give him a counter offer. which I did. I said that if he gave me $ 60K for my share of the house he can have it to buy me out, otherwise, we will sell it to the 3rd party.

My question is given the fact that he's trashed the place to make it worth so much less so that he can buy it from me at that price ($ 120K less than what it should sell) - i.e. that's why I've asked for the $60K which would have been my share had he kept it in liveable state, also given the fact that he has told people, that he will keep it in that state to make sure that it is sold low so he can buy it.
I'm willing to take the loss, as long as I know as I have a leg to stand on in court. I don't want him to have it.

I know, I know, some of you will say, move on.......and I'm sure I'll hear it......but I feel I have to make a stand against this bully - he's taken my money, our home and is close to doing what he said he would - make me go bankrupt in the process. I am almost there, so I feel there is nothing to lose in terms of $$. That I can always work on.......but giving him the house, after all he has done, is like telling him to go kick me in the head yet once again......and this time financially instead of physically.

So the question is that I'm still asking : In the court of law, if I took the stance that I did not want him to buy the house and wished to sell it to a 3rd party instead of him..........can I legitimately do that. I know I will have to go to court and do all the motions etc... Or will the judge say, give it to him because he's the ex spouse and by default has the first right of refusal ?

Oh and btw, on another topic.......Is there a formula that one works on for occupationl rent when a spouse is living in the house and you are having to rent ?

[E-Gal]

Yes there is a mortgage on the house.

[Rioe]

Do you have any photos or proof or anything, or maybe get friends who visited you to swear an affidavit that the house was trashed post-separation? Because the value he owes you half of should be the separation value, not what he had it appraised at. Maybe some appraisers can give you an estimated value from the appropriate date. Then it doesn't matter what he sells it for or if he keeps it, it only matters what the separation date value is for calculating your half.

You don't get half the sale price, you get half the value as of date of separation. Minus half the mortgage at separation, of course. Having him buy you out would also save you some fees.

[standing on the sidelines]

if he beats the third party offer and you dont want to accept it then it may look to the judge that you are being unreasonable. You have to accept that the house is not worth as much now, yes it may be his fault but on the other hand that is what the house is worth now. Your counter offer based on what the house should have been worth is reaching for the moon. There is no proof that the house would have sold for the amount you think. Look at the money he is going to have to put into the house to correct what he did to the house, its not like he is going to be a big winner in this either. Whatever he may gain on buying the house at the lower price he will lose by the money he has to put into it. Yes it was his fault about the condition of the house but i wonder if there is some way to recoup some of the loss in other ways?

[Mess]

You must have some photos of the house before you split up showing it in decent condition.

Get photos now. There shouldn't be an issue, the house is up for sale, people are going through it, you are co-owner.

Go to court and get an order to have him removed from the house on the basis of the damage and his threats. If possible get witnesses to these threats to swear an affidavit. Seek for him to be barred from the premises based on the threats and damage.

Clean up the house and do whatever minor repairs you are able.

If you aren't willing to go through that much effort and conflict, then let it go and walk away with whatever his offer is. Get done with and then never speak to the f#cker again.

You are going to go crazy if you sit on the fence on this. It is either worth it to put in the time, effort, and money to get him out, assert yourself, and get a decent sale price. This isn't just financial, it is about your self-respect and not getting walked on.

Or it isn't worth it, you already have enough self-respect, so take the offer and realize that you would have invested the difference anyway and broke even. But do that and walk away and forget about it.

[E-Gal]

I thank you all for your insight and your advice. Since you all are not the parties involved, it makes for clearer assessing of the situation on your part and I thank you.

You're right I'm going to shuttling back and forth go crazy because I'm trying to figure out what is the best thing for me to do. Utilimately, at the end of the day, if I look at it logically, and get the most $$ out of this disgusting ordeal, I suppose that's the way to look at it.

The human side, of me, which is absolutely frustrated with this person who is so vindictive and spiteful, makes me sometimes feel like he should be taught a lesson, however, some people I believe like him will never learn and I suppose I have to take the higher road and understand and get to the point where I need to and that is not to waste my time on someone as ignorant as that that. Unbelieveable that after 20 years of marriage it comes to this. Talk about being side swiped !

At any rate, (sorry for the little bit of the rant there at the end). Thank you all for your help.
Undoubtedly I have pictures, I have evidence and I have people willing to testify - but in the end - I have to decide after all the advice given.

Once again, I thank you all for it, and will work out what will be best for me and at the end of the day, I suppose, if I decide to not go the court route, and I agree that he gets the house, then he will have to forever look at the walls and thank me for it :-)

Hmm.........that might be poetic justice ?

[arabian]

Sad way to end 20 yrs. Look at it this way, when you were happy it was a "home" but now it's just a house. You have to decide if your day in court will be worth it in the end. Only winners are the lawyers unfortunately. I'd cut your losses and move on. That, in itself, will probably tick him off. Sounds like his trashing the house is misdirected anger at the failed marriage. Be thankful he has taken his frustration out on the house and not someone else.

Keep your documentation. You never know what the future holds and you may want to revisit this someday.

You will ultimately do what is best for you. Wish you well.

[E-Gal]

if he beats the third party offer and you dont want to accept it then it may look to the judge that you are being unreasonable. You have to accept that the house is not worth as much now, yes it may be his fault but on the other hand that is what the house is worth now. Your counter offer based on what the house should have been worth is reaching for the moon. There is no proof that the house would have sold for the amount you think. Look at the money he is going to have to put into the house to correct what he did to the house, its not like he is going to be a big winner in this either. Whatever he may gain on buying the house at the lower price he will lose by the money he has to put into it. Yes it was his fault about the condition of the house but i wonder if there is some way to recoup some of the loss in other ways?

Re; My counter offer is based on the current market value of homes which are comparable that have sold in the last 3 months. (actually the house we own is on a double lot compared to the single lots that it was being comapred to). This "opinion of value" report was done by the RE Agent to give a comparision study. And I based my counter offer on the price that the house could have sold at less $ 40K factoring labour/renovations because after all the material was already paid for and the difference in the figure divided by 2 was what I came out as the counter offer.

I thought it made sense. Anyone care to comment ?

[standing on the sidelines]

lets break it down this way, how much is the house listed for, how much is the mortgage left owing. The way it seems to me is that you want him to pay what the house would have been worth (not that i disagree with your concept) if he would not have done the damage. You will sell to a third party at the price the house is listed for now which the way i am taking it is considerably lower then the price you want your ex to pay.

I dont agree with arabian about you may want to revisit this someday. To me once everything is done and over thats it, it should be done and over unless someone hid assets.

[torontonian]

One word of caution from my situation... After the ex pays you for the MH, he may claim he can't afford to pay you SS/eq etc... so double check with a lawyer if this may impact your divorce.