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  • common law separation

    My common law partner and I have decided to separate after less than 2 years living together. We own our home together and we have a one year old child. Since we are not married, she is not asking for any spousal support. I earn 85,000$ + net worth 100,000$ she has a business reporting 35-40,000$ + net worth 200,00$

    We agreed to sell the home and divide proceeds accordingly, no issues here. My question is that we have decided not to use lawyers but rather use the provincial form ordered - saving dollars. So we are being civil about all this for the most part and I want to continue in that path..So my 2 questions is are as follows :

    How much child support do I offer and since the child is so young, how much visiting rights do I have as the dad?

    Based on the tables, 750-800$ a month for child support ? Does our net worth change anything? Does 1 day per week sound reasonable in this situation ?

  • #2
    There is no reason you cannot do 50-50 custody if that is what you want. The child will benefit from maximum contact with BOTH parents.

    The child will adapt to the situation (probably a LOT faster than the two of you will).

    The general rule is if you have the child 40% or more (equivalent of 3 days in 7 or 6 in 14) then you would use the "offset" method of CS.

    Basically at this point you need to decide what you want for parenting time...the standard every other weekend screwjob? True 50-50?

    Everything else is based on what you want for parenting time.

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    • #3
      NBDad said it all...

      What exactly do you want for custody? The child is more than capable of doing 50-50 or as close to it as possible... provided you are the type of Dad who wants to have equal access to their child.

      Child support is usually based on line 150, however being self employed there are a few other factors that come into play.

      For off-set method... take what you would owe her and what she would owe you (assuming sole custody) and subtract...

      You at $85,000 would owe $762, her at $40,000 would owe $360... therefore you would owe her $402 a month using the off-set method... check out, MySupportCalculator.ca

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      • #4
        You have a right to raise your child equally with their mother.

        Are you both reading this forum? If not, try to get her involved here.

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        • #5
          Also should mention, for a 2 year relationship she'd receive little, if anything in the way of spousal support to begin with. That's even assuming she'd meet the entitlement checks.
          .

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          • #6
            From a moms perspective...get 50/50. We have two boys, and I had to push 50/50 with their dad (especially for our youngest). He learned he is capable, and got more involved and basically once he knew he 'could' look after the boys, it all became a lot easier.
            Children need BOTH parents...I can't agree more with the above.

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            • #7
              Thx,

              Can you provide a link we're I can read up on the offset method. If we decide that the child will remain with his mother 6 out of 7 days, then I assume the CS will be based solely on my income line 150? her income at this point does not impact the amount of CS to be paid?

              At this time, we both feel its best for the child to be mostly with his mom. Her business operates from home, we have an amazing nanny that spends 5 hrs per day playing, developing him and my work requires a huge amount of travel. I do however feel that in 2-3 years, I will return to a more stable position at corporate not requiring any travel, and thus will want to spend more time with my son.

              We are not interested at this time to spend dollars on lawyers, so I appreciate your assistance.

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              • #8
                Just be aware that should you give up 50/50 now, status quo will take happen and in 2-3 years, shall Mom decide she does not wish to give you 50-50, you will have a very high hill to climb trying to change a 3 year status quo.

                While from your post, I can understand you position with traveling and such, but you should understand the consequences your actions now will have in the future.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by bourgr View Post

                  I do however feel that in 2-3 years, I will return to a more stable position at corporate not requiring any travel, and thus will want to spend more time with my son.
                  Nothing like picking work over your kid. Good job, 'Dad'.

                  Three years is a long time and a lot of things to miss out on your kids life, and for your kid to miss out on having you there and interested. You're planning to spend one day a week with him? 52 days a year? Lucky kid, you'll virtually be a stranger to him anyways.

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                  • #10
                    Thanks - I appreciate the kick in the ......Seriously, things have been hard with a mom that's being very "tuff" on dad's state of mind. Although I had initially considered the 1 day a week, I think with some changes at work, 2 days maybe 3 days will be feasible. I will be paying close to 800$ in CS if I choose the 2 day scenario, that's 20% of my take home pay...so I do need this job. The concern with this arrangement is :

                    1- that our son is still breastfeeding at night, and who knows when this will end.
                    2- mom will most probably flip out when I tell her that I no longer agree with the one day scenario - so lawyer's may become a necessary reality.

                    So when we say 3 days - 50/50, does this mean a full 72hrs? thus overnight stays which is not really possible at this time due to above 1 ? or can it mean, 8am to 6pm. I would arrange for me to work from home and the nanny would be with our son from 830 to 300 as she does currently. This allows me to concentrate on work and then spend my break/lunch and late afternoon with him as I and mom currently do. Suggestions? Are you going to say this is getting complicated and get a lawyer

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by bourgr View Post
                      Thanks - I appreciate the kick in the ......Seriously, things have been hard with a mom that's being very "tuff" on dad's state of mind. Although I had initially considered the 1 day a week, I think with some changes at work, 2 days maybe 3 days will be feasible. I will be paying close to 800$ in CS if I choose the 2 day scenario, that's 20% of my take home pay...so I do need this job. The concern with this arrangement is :

                      1- that our son is still breastfeeding at night, and who knows when this will end.
                      2- mom will most probably flip out when I tell her that I no longer agree with the one day scenario - so lawyer's may become a necessary reality.

                      So when we say 3 days - 50/50, does this mean a full 72hrs? thus overnight stays which is not really possible at this time due to above 1 ? or can it mean, 8am to 6pm. I would arrange for me to work from home and the nanny would be with our son from 830 to 300 as she does currently. This allows me to concentrate on work and then spend my break/lunch and late afternoon with him as I and mom currently do. Suggestions? Are you going to say this is getting complicated and get a lawyer
                      If your kid is breastfeeding and Mom is against formula feeding than she can pump and provide bottles for you. If she refuses then you still push for the overnights and go with formula. Your kid gets fed either way and if she truly feels it's in baby's best interest to be breastfed only, she'll provide the milk. If she truly believes it's in the child's best interest to have an equal relationship with both parents, she'll provide the milk.

                      Don't let her breastfeeding keep you from being an equal parent and don't allow her to use it as an excuse to keep you at arm's length with the baby. If you let her establish that control now, you'll spend the rest of your kid's childhood with her dictating the terms of your relationship with him.

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                      • #12
                        Your post really doesn't make any sense... Is the child on formula during the day? Because you say he only breastfeeds at night, which means he has to be eating something else during the day... If the Nanny watches him during the day, clearly he is not being breastfed all the time, therefore, the breastfeeding excuse won't work.

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                        • #13
                          bourgr, read the link in this thread to the article on Parenting Plans for children under 3 years. Read the article through several times and memorize it if you can. You need to have a thorough understanding of the issues you're facing, if the mother doesn't co-operate with overnights you have to be able to stand your ground and make solid legal arguments.

                          The "3 days" will generally just be determined by overnights. At young ages children generally do better it short stays, like every other night, so that they aren't without either parent for too long. This also helps them recognise each parent as an equal caregiver, equal bonding. This is important if they are to be able to settle in to stable routine with two homes.

                          You will probably run into a BS argument that changing homes isn't stable enough for the child. Meanwhile the mom will be taking the child to and fro from home to grandparents, friends, shopping, etc. etc. Young children have less of a sense of place, and more of a sense of who they are with. The essential thing is to have equal bonding between both parents. This sets up the argument, the mother will have to argue that the child bond only with her and not you, which makes her motives transparent.

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