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Abusive mother

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  • Abusive mother

    A good friend of mine is experiencing abusive behavior from his ex girlfriend. They have a 13 month old daughter, who has not been physically harmed but it is feared to only be a matter of time.

    She has been physically, verbally and emotionally abusive to my friend and has already been emotionally and verbally abusive to the child. She has called him at 3am saying he’s a bad parent for not answering her text, or knowing that the baby is awake. They never have lived together. She sends him voicemail of their daughter screaming and tells him she is a manipulative little b***h. Just to give a few examples.

    He is nervous that because he is the father he will not be taken seriously and she will be favored simply because she is the mother and the child is so young.

    Typically he has the baby about 60-70% of the time, as the mother works shift and on her days off will dump the baby on him because she is stressed, or wants to go out or wants to make sure he doesn’t go out. She is known by police for violent behavior.
    My question would be to ask if anyone has any advice and if anyone can refer him to a lawyer in Ottawa, who specializes in this kind of nonsense. As well, if anyone has any background in CAS, would it beneficial to get them involved?

    What sort of evidence does CAS need and how much before they start an investigation? <O</O

  • #2
    I would suggest he finds a way to save all the voicemails/txts/ and anything else he can along with dates of everything. Keep a calendar with all the dates of when he has the child and for how long. CAS will enter a home and start an investigation most times with just a phone call 'tip', problem is if there is no proof of abuse they will close the case. The problem with some CAS workers is that they are so overloaded with cases that some small things will get overlooked or the polar opposite will happen and CAS will become overly involved and both parents will be dragged through hell and back. Personally I would just try and save everything and keep dates. For the record txt messages won't hold up for much but if he forwards them to his email as soon as he receives it the email will have a date on it and it gives it a little more validation as to when it was received, as long as the time on the txt and the time on the email are close together. A lot of work for a small txt message I know but it works.

    Unfortunately as far as I know unless abuse is showing in obvious ways there is not much that can be done at this time. I can't stress enough how important it is to SAVE AND DOCUMENT everything. No matter how small,


    • #3
      unfortunently there is no law against being crazy - it started to sound like she is just pushing his buttons but that one statement haunts me ...

      from my experience yes she will be favored and forgiven no matter what she does, abuse or accusations wont get him custody either , if he complains to early she goes untreated and he will be labeled as a trouble maker and if too late child abuse occurs and he will be blamed also, so screw them and just focus on the child for now;

      he has to do what he can to make sure his daughter is safe period, if
      the mother said that about the infant ( manipulative b**ch ) then she is disconnected from the child at least at times and he is most likely correct she will harm the child;

      since he has the child most of the time i would minimum try and take them to family doctor for general exam and ask the doctor for referral with concern the mother is under stress and your (he) concerned with recognizing developmental or related issues;

      what kinda custody arrangement you (he) have as he may not be able to get any referral without court docs , this part really burns my @ss cause in my case a few places wouldnt accept my daughters for abuse treatment unless the mother ( abuser ) signed ... so I had to spent even more $coin getting my daughters help ...

      I lived with an abusive spouse, the children where older (walking) and bruises such as a black dot with 3 small dots in proximity ( thumb and forfingers) where easy to identify if you know what to look for , when they were younger I now think she got away with alot more than I knew like forehead stiches etc cause the child couldnt say what happened, but the toughest is when they are so small and cant talk and its hard to say what might be going on ...

      if your instinct sense something isnt right then it probably isnt !

      will say a pray for all tonight


      • #4
        pokeman, I get that you got screwed over in Alberta and you feel there is strong bias in the courts there.

        I encourage you to send a letter of thanks to politicians like Ralph Klein and Ed Stelmach, who's party was in power in Alberta for generations, stacked the courts with party hacks as judges and had full control of the shape of family law legislation.

        Meanwhile, most of us including applemuffin are in other provinces and have had a different experience with family courts. Some negative, some positive, but generally without outrageous bias towards women.

        Comments that men are going to get screwed don't help anyone. At best it will be ignored, at worst people are going to give up.

        What we can do here is help people understand what the law is in their province of residence, sort through their own stories for what will relevent evidence, explain how to navigate the system and then wish them luck.

        Not everyone is going to face the same system you did. If you want to help people, then work to change politics in your province. Or encourage people to move away.


        • #5
          got it, thanks, struggle bit with with the diff systems, screwed comment was directed at those that judge 'damed if do, damed if don't

          also, here (calgary) am told ton of abuse complaints from parents are for legal positioning which really hurts those with legit issues so just setting expectations abuse isn't a custody tool, again possibly regional

          worried bout this child, hoping others
          will post,


          • #6
            Originally posted by applemuffin View Post

            What sort of evidence does CAS need and how much before they start an investigation? <o</o

            Actually next to no evidence.
            In Ottawa, the CAS habitually remove children from fathers on the basis of
            uncorroborated very obviously false allegations.

            You can expect the CAS and the Police to work as a tag team
            to make "illegal" custody decisions.

            Typically, in Ottawa, over at least the last dozen years,
            Police and CAS workers seem to get very upset when a father appears
            to getting custody of a child.

            That's when every feminist man hating social worker or biased cop
            sees it as their duty to help a violent woman get custody over
            an ideal dad.

            It happens every day but don't expect that to be discussed
            on this site that is used as a Feminist sounding board and a
            trolling tool for new clients of the lawyer who owns the site.


            • #7
              Anyone who starts spewing bile in a public forum is not an ideal dad in the first place.For the record, there is more than a few sole custody dads on here, so buddy its time to take those meds!
              Last edited by Mess; 09-30-2012, 07:56 PM.


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