Abusive husband files false charges

[billiechic]

Women's shelters definitely help people in your situation. Just because he isn't physically toughing you does not mean that it isn't abuse. From my experience the mental abuse and intimdation is much more damaging than the physical abuse as it gets right into you.

Please contact a shelter. They may be able to help you with the false charges as well, especially if you have documented his behaviour over a long period of time. You do need to have a safety plan, and they will help you plan how your family will remain safe.

Good luck.

[AtALoss]

Sorry I havent read all of the posts and hope that I am not repeating.

I as well left an abusive spouse and told much of the same even to the point where he made death threats but the police told me this is an family matter and they dont get involved. Load of crap if you ask me. Your lawyer is right though that when given the truth it is unlikely you will be charged. Like everyone else is saying document everything that you can. Contact the police and if there is record of the incident you have right to see and have a copy of report.

One thing I highly reccommend though as you are not getting help from the police is to go immediately to the Justice of the peace at your court house. They can grant the restraining order immediately and will speak to and have the crown attorney step in. That is all a part of their purpose in being there.

If you feel that threatened which I'm sure you do it is very important you speak out. The law is there to protect you and the courts MUST react to all complaints of domestic abuse. Abuse is not just just limited to physical anymore, they finally recognise that it comes in many forms and there is a duty to respond. From there it will get sorted out in the end. Just too many cases have gone ignored untill too late.

[venice]

Thank you, AtALoss. I will enquire at the courthouse if I can get a restaining order. Appreciate all the advice.

[venice]

Billiechic,

Thanks - I will contact a shelter for further information. Really appreciate all the advice.

[mummer1962]

As others have said you are definitely able to get services from a women's shelter. Mental and emotional abuse are more harmful on some ways than physical abuse.
An outreach program is usually for women who have left an abusive situation and are not staying at the shelter. A counsellor usually helps women with adjusting to their new life and developing safety strategies. Groups are usually held which teach assertivenss, self esteem etc. and how to help children who witnessed abuse.
Call your local women's shelter for more info.
Good luck.

[brigitte]

Hi Venice,
My contacts are all in the Ottawa area. If you need help....I can look it up for you. Let me know and good luck.

Glad your calling a women's shelter.
Bri

[venice]

Update

Thank you to everyone who replied. I contacted a woman's shelter and spoke to a counsellor who was very helpful. She recommended to contact the police once again and insist that an investigation be conducted. She provided me with the names of female officers who specialiize in domestic abuse cases. I spoke at length to one of these officers yesterday and she advised me to prepare a declaration, attach all documentation I have, and that an investigator will be assigned to the case and that potentially, my husband could face charges of criminal harassment, intimidation and/or mischief. I am preparing the declaration and will be meeting with the officer on the weekend. I feel relieved that there are options I can pursue to protect myself. I can also receive free counselling through the woman's shelter so this will be helpful as well. Again, I appreciate all the advice and support provided by all of you. Thank you so much!

[billiechic]

Sounds like they are "coaching" you not to receive justice but to screw your husband. Sorry. It's just the way it seems.

My advice; Don't lie or embellish. A good criminal lawyer will turn you upside down in court and then the family judge gets the transcript.

State the truth and you will win.Lie and in the end you will end up on the losing side. Women Shelter's always coach women to embellish or down right lie. I mean a woman cop? Come on.

Given the story you have presented to this forum I would expect you to be somewhat sympathetic to someone who is being abused. Nowhere did she say that they asked her to lie. You should understand that abused people tend to underestimate the abuse and downplay it. The abuser tells them that it was nothing, it's part of the damage!!! Any professional who works with abused women (or men) knows this, and so they have to help them gain the strength to stand up for themselves.

Shame on you. After all the support you have received here that was not supportive at all.

[mummer1962]

Wow, you just made an excellent case for women's shelters, so they may guide women through the tangle of aggressive, opinionated persons like yourself who feed off their vunerability. It sounds like you have a heck of a lot of experience being in the shoes of an abuser. Maybe this is not the thread for you to be involved in.

[billiechic]

You sir are EXTREMLY direspectful. There is nothing in this woman's post that points towards her lying about the abuse. Again, SHAME ON YOU. Just because you have been abused does not give you the right to start spouting on her thread about fake abuse allegations. By your last 2 posts I have to question whether YOU have lied about the abuse. It seems that you know a little too much about the situation, especially since your ex legitimately abused you.

As someone who was abused, I take OFFENSE at your posting on this thread. Regardless of whether there are a lot of false claims of abuse, YOU are not able to tell which ones are true or false. Neither are judges, lawyers. They are the ones who have to live with their guilt when they fail to protect the women and children who end up seriously hurt or maybe even dead. Given the seriousness of the outcome it is RIGHT that they attempt to find out the REAL story, and that means listening to both sides.

If you are innocent (as you claim) then you have a good chance of proving it. Though you may suffer some from the experience, I would think that anyone would rather have that undeserved suffering on their hands than the death of a mother and her children who's claims of abuse were dismissed.

Try thinking about the situation from this person's situation rather than your own. It is NOT the same.

[venice]

Sounds like they are "coaching" you not to receive justice but to screw your husband. Sorry. It's just the way it seems.

My advice; Don't lie or embellish. A good criminal lawyer will turn you upside down in court and then the family judge gets the transcript.

State the truth and you will win.Lie and in the end you will end up on the losing side. Women Shelter's always coach women to embellish or down right lie. I mean a woman cop? Come on.

Cl4,

I have to say I'm offended by your post. Did u even read my intiial post. My husband filed false assault charges against me after I've endured his bullying and harassing behaviour since I told him I wanted a divorce 5 months ago (and lots of abusive behavour during the marriage). I actually met with the police (yes, a synpathetic female officer) this morning and presented a declaration to them. The officer took the time to go over my story very carefully. She said there's definitely conjugal violence but that it's mainly psychological. There have been several occasions of physical violence but the crown prosecutor will not accept to pursue an assault charge after one has been filed by the other party (the false one filed by my husband). There's insufficent proof for a harassament or intimidation charge although she did say she would complete such a complaint if my lawyer believes that the crown prosecutor will accept such a charge. She suggested I ask him and she will definitely file the complaint if my lawyer thinks it will be accepted. In her expereince, she believes the crown will not accept it. The point of trying to file charges is that I want to get a restraining order as I'm afraid of him, especially after he went so far as to pull a stunt like this which I view as an escalation of the harassment I've been subjected to since last August.
So, all this to say, I'm the one who is screwed. My husband is using the system to continue his bullying campaign. And no, I did not receive any coaching from the women's shelter. I specifically asked them how I could get a restarining order and the only way is through the filing of criminal charges. Alternatively, my lawyer advised I could ask for one through a court order but this requires a trial-like process and I frankly can't afford to pay for this.

[venice]

Ci4,

I just read some of your previous posts and it seems your spouse had you arrested on false charges too. Odd that u can't relate...

[billiechic]

Venice, that was my point. You would think that someone in similar circumstances would be a little sympathetic, or helpful

[venice]

Billiechic,

Thanks for so firmly standing up for me. I suspect my and C14's circumstances are not that similar after all.

[dadtotheend]

It's a fact. Women get coached to putthe man in jail. They even have websites instructing exactly what to do to accomplish this.

It's a fact is it? Prove it by posting the factual website links to which you refer.