Abusive husband

[Anka]

Hi,I am new on this forum. I am married for 7 years. My husband psychically abused my and my daughter for years. Now, he wants to divorce of me. Last 1.5 years I didn't react on his constantly complaining. He likes to arguing and seems like he is tired because I stopped to answer on his verbally attack on me. His lawyer sends me to sign agreement for separation. I am 6 years in Canada and I don't know Canada's law. I visited lawyer too. He told me that me and my daughter need to leave a house (we together bought house) and he will ask for living support but only for me not for me and my daughter.
I am confused. Right now I am not working, my husband is working.<O></O>
Does somebody of you have experience with similar situation? What do you think about that?
Thank you

[Palden]

All forms of child abuse are serious crimes.

Hello Anka,

It is a crime, please visit this site for some information.
Welcome to Canada: What you should know

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

Anka, you have the same rights as any married couple.
You do not need to leave the home as this is your home too.
It is his obligation as the partner that is employed to provide support for the child(ren) involved. Possibly paying spousal support as well.
Please do some reading there are many sites and organizations available to help you through the breaking away from an abusive relationship as well as deal with a divorce. I have survived a very abusive relationship and gone through an ugly divorce, you can do it to, just have faith. Believe in yourself and know this, you are worth it, you deserve a life of happiness free of this torment and abuse, and your children deserve a life of smiles and laughter and you need to stand up for them. You are a strong person taking this step is the first step to healing and moving on. Best of luck to you
FL

[Anka]

Thank you for your posts. That is helpful for me.
I am not sure that I understand my layer. Do I need report to my layer everything what my husband doing and how he tried to continue to bad threatening me? Like, a few days ago he took car keys to work. He is using his company’s car for going to work. And he doesn't need our car since he back home. I am feeling bad and I planed to go to visit my doctor. But, he took car keys. I didn't find spare keys. I took taxi and went to doctor (we are leaving in small town and there is no bus station near our home).
When he was back home I asked him about car key, he told me that he forgot left keys, because there was in his jacket. That is lay. Day before, when he back from town, I went to purchase fuel to have car ready for going to the doctor. And after that he didn't ride a car, that was late evening. When I was back home, I left keys on the same place where we usually live them. I told him that is not true. Key was not in his pocket there was on the hanger. He was for the moment confused and continued with lays...that he was sleepy and by mistake pick up all keys from hangers. But, that is another lay - on hangers was my keys of the house and another one keys of garage. We both know that he is laying. He wonted that I don't ride a car. He is doing similar things before. If he is something mad on me he took keys and told me - you don't deserve to ride a car. He wont to continue with his bad threatening me even I hired layer. Do I need to inform my layer about this or similar situations?<O></O>
And do I need to wash his wardrobe anymore? I did that but I don’t want to do that anymore. We are in process of separation, he is not behaving correct and I don’t want to do that. We will divorce or first separate, but he is still behave, like..-You need clean this my wardrobe, I need that for tomorrow, You need washed this for two days….He even didn’t ask me do I want to do that anymore for him. He is still behaving bossy. That is not big deal for me, how I am doing everything else in house I will do that, I am not lazy.. But, he still wants to treat me bad and expected that I do everything like before. I don’t want that. He doesn’t deserve it. If he is behaving fair and mature, I will do that, but….with this behaviour I don’t to do that anymore. <O

[Anka]

Hi, FL_Needs_To_Change, I have one question for you. As I read your posts..you were in abusive relations and maybe you can give me advise
I hired lawyer, and after all he is ordering retraining order for two weeks for my husband. I am so scared leaving with him under the same roof. He was so abusive all these years and I am scared. I thought that I am maybe too much sensitive or too much chicken. But, my daughter told me that she is scared of my husband. I didn’t tell my daughter my fears and didn’t express my feelings about that. When I asked her why she is scared..she told me exactly what I thought..she is scared that he will injure some or both of us because of restraining order. I told her that is no reason that she feels scared, but I am thinking what to do. Will I call my lawyer and ask for help or advise, or (it is weekend) or go with my daughter to transaction house and ask them for help?

[singledad99]

Why don't you simply call the cops and they will take care of him, without any cost to you? You will get the restraining order, exclusive possession of the home, custody, child support and spousal support and a nice title of "victim of abuse" which will open all the doors of social and welfare assistance for you. You will also get priority for legal aid. Plus it will teach him a lesson for ever because even if the charges are dropped later (or dismissed), his reputation will never be the same again.

How is that for free advice?

[Anka]

Thank you for your response. I am concern for my daughter.s and my safety, but I don't thinking about thinks like distroying his reputation. I think that this is his problem, and that he needs to take care of his reputation. I am scared and need a hlep. I like to escape feeling so scared, but lawyers and law will do with him what he deserve if they find that someting he deserve. Even he was so bad with us all this years, I don't like to be worst then he was and that his behaviour involve me to do bad thinks and that I be like he was. I only need peace life for us, withouth stress and fear. But, as much as I am thinking and take care not to make mistake and do something wrong for him, I am thinking that I will ask somebady for help (cups, lawyer, some organization..) I have no rights to keep my daughter to live under fear.

[billiechic]

if you and your daughter are living in fear, and you think he might hurt you again you SHOULD call the police. You never know if next time he may do something even worse and you need as much documentation as possible. Please call the police next time things get out of hand. You are not doing anyone a favour by keeping silent and may be putting your lives at risk.

I know, I've been there too and I didn't call the cops for the same reason. Next time (hopefully there won't be one) I WILL call. Our safety is worth more than anyone's reputation, and so is yours.

[Anka]

Thank you billechic for advise. A few days ago I was on the court for restraining order, exclusive home occupaqncy, spausal and child support. My husband told that he wes receive late affidavit letter and everything is prolonged till September. My lawyer told on the court that we are not feel safe leaving in the same house with my husband, bud judge told - We will wait September and see what will happen till then!!! Now I am in the worst possition then before. My husband is trying to control his behaviour but I am not sure how long he can be under control. Lawyer told me..if you are not feel safe go to the transition house. And what will happen on the street?
Two days ago, my husband took insurance papers and registration plates from our car (we paid together loan till three months ago and car is on his name). My lawer sent a letter to his lawyer, but, nothing was happen. I still can not ride a car. It is difficult for me to go on interviews for job, or to buy groceries...but again my husband is doing whatever he wants (as allways) withouth any response or consequences. How it is possible. I can not do anything to protect us. Seems like law is on his side and doesn't metter that he abused us for years.

[billiechic]

Please contact your local shelter. They have support for you there. Yes, he's trying to control you by taking away your car, that's WRONG. They have housing if you need it, and if you feel uncomfortable at home you can go there and take the kids too.

I know it's against the law to drive without a plate or insurance papers, but don't let that stop you from taking the car if you need to get out in an emergency. If the police stop you tell them what's happening, they should help you. Don't put your life at risk because you are worried about getting a ticket.

Find out NOW where your local shelter is so you know how to get there if/when you need to. If you can go in and talk to them without him finding out, do it. They will give you advice and support and it is SO NICE to be able to talk to someone.

Do you have a lawyer? Who is helping you out in court? The shelter may have legal staff that can help you get those restraining orders and exclusive possessions through quicker than September.

Much luck to you. Please PM me if you need support.