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  • #16
    Children who grow up in abusive homes are more likely to become abusers or victims in their own relationships. They learn from an important role model that violence toward a loved one is acceptable. How to break the cycle is a better question. I cant believe CAS is not helping more. A women shelters may be able to give you some resources.

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    • #17
      Thought I would update. Child now has cell phone and ex has not attempted to communicate with me. He was angry at HER yoday because she forgot to take the phone off vibrate and missed 3 calls from him.
      He has however instructed his sister (his 3rd party contact) differently than what our current mediated agreement states, and is refusing to accept an email either through her from me, or through someone I designate. He is insisting all communication only through text (which can be a disturbing back and forth)

      He has also gone ahead and chosen a counsellor for her without even communicating with me. I have medical custody, so he cannot make that decision unilaterally. He has already cancelled a counsellor appointment that I made with a counsellor, which he had no right to do.

      I am putting together the paperwork for a motion to change to sole custody. We cannot communicate, he is blocking the means we do have in place. There is constant conflict, which his sister is now feeding into.

      My daughter has expressed very clearly her reasons to choose to go to counsellor A and her dad insists she go to counsellor B. I agree with my daughter's assessment and that she is more comfortable with A and that will allow her the ability to speak freely, rather than B, who insists parents be involved (and the exact thing I wanted to allow her confidentiality for). The whole pint of counselling is to provide her a neutral party when she can speak freely and get help without either parents knowledge of the details or ability to influence. Only counsellor A seems to be able to provide that.

      His court hearing is scheduled for January.

      Sent from my SM-G920W8 using Tapatalk

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      • #18
        Sounds like youíre doing the right things. Good luck in January with your motion. I have a motion scheduled as well and have been at it now for over six years. The best you can do is follow court orders, have a safety plan and go back to court if he does not follow orders. If the child is in extreme danger I would suggest making a plan A, plan B, plan C, etc. Thatís what I did and had to enact plans B, C ,Dand E when plan A turned out to be useless!

        Donít think for one minute it makes any difference if the CAS, police, medical doctors are on your side. Even in the face of concrete third party evidence of the dangerousness of a parent, the judge will minimize it and endanger children. I had CAS writing letters to the court and my exís lawyer in a tizzy saying over and over ďthis changes everythingĒ...but it didnít. Sure he got supervised access and six years later still does but the judge made orders that endangered all of us.
        Plan B was go into hiding and refuse to give my ex, my lawyer or the court the address where we lived. A self help restraining order because my pleas for one were ignored. The judge didnít care and subsequently ignored my ex and his lawyerís pleas to compel me to reveal where the children and I were living . His not knowing our whereabouts in no way impeded his supervised access.

        Family court is a crap shoot. You will have to do what you have to do to protect yourself and your kids . Sometimes following the court orders works and sometimes your kids pay a horrific price when you do so. Itís one big chess game sometimes with people Ďs lives at stake.

        Think of it as a game. A high stakes game. Pretend your a Hollywood actress when you go to court. One who is cool, calm as a cucumber and unflappable. Court doesnít always rule in the favour of evidence or common sense. If not , itís ok. Go home, carefully mull over your options and plan your next move.
        Checkmate!

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        • #19
          Sorry your going through this. How old are the children? Do they not want to see their Dad? Are they old enough and responsible enough not to disclose your address? Ive got a kid that would blurt out anything for a Kinder egg .

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          • #20
            Originally posted by billiechic View Post
            Thought I would update. Child now has cell phone and ex has not attempted to communicate with me. He was angry at HER yoday because she forgot to take the phone off vibrate and missed 3 calls from him.
            He has however instructed his sister (his 3rd party contact) differently than what our current mediated agreement states, and is refusing to accept an email either through her from me, or through someone I designate. He is insisting all communication only through text (which can be a disturbing back and forth)

            He has also gone ahead and chosen a counsellor for her without even communicating with me. I have medical custody, so he cannot make that decision unilaterally. He has already cancelled a counsellor appointment that I made with a counsellor, which he had no right to do.

            I am putting together the paperwork for a motion to change to sole custody. We cannot communicate, he is blocking the means we do have in place. There is constant conflict, which his sister is now feeding into.

            My daughter has expressed very clearly her reasons to choose to go to counsellor A and her dad insists she go to counsellor B. I agree with my daughter's assessment and that she is more comfortable with A and that will allow her the ability to speak freely, rather than B, who insists parents be involved (and the exact thing I wanted to allow her confidentiality for). The whole pint of counselling is to provide her a neutral party when she can speak freely and get help without either parents knowledge of the details or ability to influence. Only counsellor A seems to be able to provide that.

            His court hearing is scheduled for January.

            Sent from my SM-G920W8 using Tapatalk
            So so sorry you're going through this....believe me, I can sympathize. I went through something far less serious with my daughter...but because she was older, I had an easier time than what you're dealing with.

            You're doing all the right things....don't give up. When you know what's happening, you really only have one choice. Do whatever you have to do to ensure the safety of the children...period. You have my very best wishes.

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            • #21
              I am so sorry to hear that, maybe you could apply for a supervised access center?

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              • #22
                They have already determined that his assualt does not affect the child and with 9 years SQ custody that is unlikely.
                He plead guilty and there is a peace bond in effect.
                I am applying right now for sole custody and an emergency order for summer vacation and to establish communication method as tight noe there is no communication allowed at all
                Originally posted by thh1 View Post
                I am so sorry to hear that, maybe you could apply for a supervised access center?
                Sent from my SM-G920W8 using Tapatalk

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                • #23
                  its been over a year since I applied for sole custody and we still do no have an order.
                  However, OCL was involved, and my child (at the time 12) was adamant that she wanted nothing to do with her father and was scared of him. Recommendations were that she continue to be with me full time.

                  Despite his agreement in court to the judge's suggestions, he walked out of court without signing the paperwork and we are waiting for a date for a Summary Judgement from the judge. he was ordered to pay full child support as well (we were shared before)

                  The recommendations were for full custody to me, for her to live with me full time, and no documentation under the access arrangement so that she will be able to decide if and when she wanted to see him. That's basically been the status quo for over a year and a half now.

                  whats another couple months added to the 10 years of court involvement, right?

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                  • #24
                    thanks for the update. I've read all your posts/threads. I hope to hell my situation doesn't go the way yours went.

                    Does your daughter see him at all?

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