How do I get my exhusband to stop harrassing and trying to control me?

[rollercoaster]

I had a similar issue at the start of my divorce....which also included legal letters telling me to cease and desist having men around my kid.

First I limited communication methods. I will only communicate with my ex by email.

Then anytime he would mention my partner I would simply reply with "I will only respond to relevant parenting issues" and copy my lawyer.

The first couple times, he ranted and raved and then when he realized that I was collecting written evidence catalogued with my lawyer, he stopped.

I never answered anything that wasn't email and I would never speak to him face to face...ever. Even in conferences or court, I would address either my lawyer, his lawyer or the judge. I didn't even make eye contact.

All of these messages help to convey the fact that his opinion is no longer required unless is related to relevant parenting issues.

It takes a bit of time but stay consistent...stick to written communication so you have evidence in case you need to go to court....and copy your lawyer when he gets verbally abusive in email.

Eventually, he'll get the message and stop the behavior.

Wow, thanks for sharing! You have some really good strategies too. I will keep these in mind and will likely employ.

[stripes]

Pursuing has some good ideas. I used to use this line a lot:

"I will not respond to messages which contain insults or belittling commentary. If there is something which you would like me to know, please send a separate message using civil language".

Then I wouldn't respond unless I received a new email which was appropriate. Eventually, his language improved.

I also had a three-step checklist for deciding whether or not to respond to ex's ranting emails:

1. Is it polite?
2. Does it concern D8?
3. Does it contain a direct question or a request for action on my part?

If the answer to any of those questions was "no", I didn't reply.

[Tayken]

Yah, f2f doesn't work with him. Thanks for the advice from the other poster. But it gives him too much airtime, and he doesn't care if its in front of the kids, even after I tell him to stop. So, strictly electronic correspondence with him.

Yah, I know he's just ranting so I can ignore that. Good co-parenting advice is need for both of us as its a struggle.

I am not a fan of face-to-face communicaitons for any matter that has an application before the court or has had one even in the past.

Why? People who can communicate don't sue each other.

You are going to be just fine. (See my highlight.) This is a hard thing for 99% of the people in your situation to realize. Very insightful comment to make at this juncture.

Also, you should do exchanges via school or daycare if possible. That eliminates the face to face.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[rollercoaster]

Pursuing has some good ideas. I used to use this line a lot:

"I will not respond to messages which contain insults or belittling commentary. If there is something which you would like me to know, please send a separate message using civil language".

Then I wouldn't respond unless I received a new email which was appropriate. Eventually, his language improved.

I also had a three-step checklist for deciding whether or not to respond to ex's ranting emails:

1. Is it polite?
2. Does it concern D8?
3. Does it contain a direct question or a request for action on my part?

If the answer to any of those questions was "no", I didn't reply.

Thank you. Good advice. I try to do something similar.

[rollercoaster]

I am not a fan of face-to-face communicaitons for any matter that has an application before the court or has had one even in the past.

Why? People who can communicate don't sue each other.

You are going to be just fine. (See my highlight.) This is a hard thing for 99% of the people in your situation to realize. Very insightful comment to make at this juncture.

Also, you should do exchanges via school or daycare if possible. That eliminates the face to face.

Good Luck!
Tayken

I love the idea of school exchanges. Will see about making arrangements for the new school year. Thx!