Who feels like a fish out of water?

[Sax]

Hi all, I am getting better but I really feel like a fish out of water . It's almost like my life feels "surreal". I am just generally "uncomfortable" being separated and when I see my spouse I feel the same with him and when I've been home I feel uncomfortable there too. Nothing is familiar to me anymore. I just feel out of place in my own life like I don't belong anywhere.

Has anyone experienced the same feelings?

[neverending]

how long have you been seaparated for?

[wretchedotis]

Perfectly normal.
After all, you ARE living a different life nowadays.
Seems reasonable to me that people feel out of sorts after such a major life change.

Don't worry - it will get better. Take this as an opportunity to try new things and grow as a person. You'll likely find you end up in a better place than you thought possible.

[Pierre]

Yes, perfectly normal. The feeling will pass as you settle into your new life.

I have a one month per year together theory before you feel like yourself again. So if together 7 years, give yourself 7 months before you feel like you belong somewhere again.

[Frustrated_DAD]

Perfectly normal

That is a normal feeling you get. It will also be a little more pervasive if you reside at the matrimonial home.

Like everyone says it will take time. I tried getting more active, getting out more and enjoy life. If you find this feeling is stronger at home then redecorate (paint, move the furniture around) and it will help.

[Sax]

thanks everyone. Each time I redecorate or hang a picture of the kids I feel happier. I have been separated since last october - married for (it will be 28 years this August). I just feel lost.

[May_May]

Hey Sax...I'm doing everything I can to ensure I have no 'alone' time. I find that's when I'm having my most difficult times. Try something new that you might have had past thoughts on...I took a couple of art courses at an Art Gallery and had a great time.
My friends and family just keep laughing because they can't keep track of me anymore...Do the same ! Less time to think, and it helps build your 'OWN' new life !

[TLCRN]

Sax: enjoy your time alone..do the things you couldn't by yourself before, until someone come along and it's back to not being alone, with no or very little time for yourself. Is it amazng how life goes~
Beleive if or not, therapists say that it's easier to grief the loss of a person than going through a divorce where you lose someone but in a different way. Everyone is different and take longer to adjust.

[Sax]

Thanks! My daughter said that this is a great time for me to do whatever I want! She is right!

[uwbrother]

It's opposite for me. I pretended it was no big deal and had normal few months. My family went out of their way to help me, and they still do. But I didn't need emotional help (so I thought). My dad even commented on how amazingly well I took it.

But as time passes by, I get worse. It's actually less about separation (I went through all stages of grief already, I think ). I actually enjoyed alone time. But my depression now comes from the fact that I feel abandoned by my friends. Noone we know h as really been divorced, so they didn't know how to deal with it. But they've basically just left me, it seems. I go days without any communication with my "friends". Now I am at a point where I barely sleep 2-3 hours a night and therefore, can hardly perform at work.

In a strange way, for me it was less about my wife's repeated cheating and the sense of betrayal and the feeling of being abandoned. I am having a real hard time dealing with the feeling of being abandoned by my friends. I was married for 10 years so their wives are friends with my wives, perhaps that has something to do with it. But I was hoping at least a couple of them (ya know, ones I was friends with for years and years before either of us got in a relationship) would be there for me.

I didn't mean to vent, but just throwing out that ya, I do feel like a fish out of water even though for the first many months I didn't.

[Sax]

I was the same at first ... I felt ok ... but after 2-3 months I started to get worse. I almost feel like I can't handle any little glitch to my "routine" or else I crumble. it's frustrating!

[Lorac]

I've only been separated 7 1/2 months after a 34 year marriage. It's not easy and I can also relate to people not calling you. But that's what separation is unfortunately. People take sides, children take sides, relatives take sides. It's almost a game of who can make the best argument...the winner gets all...and friends become the jurors without the court.
You definately have to keep yourself busy. When my husband was awarded his claim in court I felt my whole bottom drop out. I expected to have to pay him support but the amount awarded to him is insane. When the judge gave his ruling her turned to me and laughed. I won't lower myself and play into his game, it's what he wants and I refuse to do it. When I came home from court and sat alone I cried and cried, didn't and still don't know what to do next. I got in my car at 1:00 A.M. in the morning and just drove for an hour...came home and went to bed. My next move is to try and find a job, I'm going to be 62 in January...whose going to hire me...but nontheless I will try.
Keep your chin up, cry, get angry, scream, yell...then pick yourself up and keep going.

[Rioe]

In a strange way, for me it was less about my wife's repeated cheating and the sense of betrayal and the feeling of being abandoned. I am having a real hard time dealing with the feeling of being abandoned by my friends. I was married for 10 years so their wives are friends with my wives, perhaps that has something to do with it. But I was hoping at least a couple of them (ya know, ones I was friends with for years and years before either of us got in a relationship) would be there for me.

I understand completely! After a long relationship, pretty much all of our friends were mutual ones, and even though they swore at the beginning of our split that they wouldn't choose sides, that they would stay friends with each of us, I'm finding that doesn't turn out to be the case. I'm the custodial parent and work full time at a normal job, so my ex, who is self-employed and can stay in touch with people through work, has way more ability to stay connected with friends, while I'm stuck at work or home, unable to do the same. It's depressing how many of the people I thought were friends have not made any effort to connect with me. The only ones that try are opposite sex single friends who behave like they are trying to start dating me. Uh, no! And frankly, they all know at least the basics of our breakup, and I don't understand how they can remain friends with someone who would behave as my ex did, and so I had to re-evaluate their quality of friendship with me, as it were. Emotionally, I prefer to deal with people who are 100% supportive of me, not trying to do both. Maybe it's apathy, but it turns out they ended up not talking to me and being 100% supportive of him by default. I recognize that I have to make some effort to maintain a friendship too, but honestly, going through this process, I just can't muster the energy and had hoped they would make up for my lack. You know, out of friendship and concern. Oh well.

I am reconnecting with family, and older friends, but they all live out of time, so it's not the same.

[samej]

It's opposite for me. I pretended it was no big deal and had normal few months. My family went out of their way to help me, and they still do. But I didn't need emotional help (so I thought). My dad even commented on how amazingly well I took it.

But as time passes by, I get worse. It's actually less about separation (I went through all stages of grief already, I think ). I actually enjoyed alone time. But my depression now comes from the fact that I feel abandoned by my friends. Noone we know h as really been divorced, so they didn't know how to deal with it. But they've basically just left me, it seems. I go days without any communication with my "friends". Now I am at a point where I barely sleep 2-3 hours a night and therefore, can hardly perform at work.

In a strange way, for me it was less about my wife's repeated cheating and the sense of betrayal and the feeling of being abandoned. I am having a real hard time dealing with the feeling of being abandoned by my friends. I was married for 10 years so their wives are friends with my wives, perhaps that has something to do with it. But I was hoping at least a couple of them (ya know, ones I was friends with for years and years before either of us got in a relationship) would be there for me.

I didn't mean to vent, but just throwing out that ya, I do feel like a fish out of water even though for the first many months I didn't.

Y'all are making me stress even more! I feel the same way about friends. So much of our Ottawa friends are married couples, and my stbx is the primary link - she ran my social life for decades. It's going to feel like I just moved to Ottawa for the fist time when I finally get my place - there are very few friends who I've be comfortable calling up as her ex.

I will really have to force myself to get out and meet people - join some clubs, take some classes, whatever. I already feel like a fish out of water.

[May_May]

I agree...I am starting to feel like a fish more out of water as each day goes along.

I'm losing friends each day sadly...What a shame. Mostly due to immaturity from my ex and lies he is telling everyone to make himself look good. Sigh...We are all in the same boat and it looks like it's part of the process. The process that sucks !